Thanks to romance novels, I now believe...

That all men can have sex five, six and seven times in one night, but ONLY with the woman they love, and it only takes them a few minutes in between to get a hard on, no matter what their age. Even though they may have had sex millions of times, it is NEVER meaningful, unless it’s with the woman they love.

That all poor men rejected at a young age become embittered, RICH entrepreneurs. Although these men have had sex with scads of beautiful women (mostly models), it meant nothing, and they won’t be happy until they are with the woman who initially rejected them.

That all men not only initiate foreplay but they INSIST UPON IT, even when the woman says, “No, I need you now,” the man will ALWAYS say, “I want to go slow. I WANT TO MAKE THIS GOOD FOR YOU.’” Pardon me, while I take a moment to pray for that man to come to my house.

That all men find pregnant chicks attractive….the fatter the better because all men find it “cute” that a woman is so fat she cries because she can’t tie her shoes.

That all pregnant women cry because they can’t tie their shoes.

That once a woman becomes pregnant a man won’t allow her to lift anything
heavier than a q-tip…..with the cotton removed.

That all men snuggle after sex and THEY ENJOY IT.

That all men are never shorter than six feet, and they never have “an ounce of fat” on their bodies. They all exercise and they have all rocked, rocked, ROCKED their way to firmer abs.

That all men who suffer from horrible bouts of jealousy suddenly become all sweetness and light when the woman they love professes to love them because, well, love conquers all, even deep rage.

That all men are “well endowed.” And I don’t mean financially.

That all rich men marry their mistresses, and don’t have any problem respecting them despite the fact that they accepted money in return for sex.

That all rich men spare no expense when it comes to the woman they love. They buy the women businesses, homes, cars and of course, the women are always disgusted that the men think they can be bought this way because no self respecting woman ever desires (or accepts) gifts like these. (Except for the aforementioned mistresses.)

That all men and women who fight like cats and dogs only do it because they are sexually attracted to one another.

That all women “look lovely” when they’re angry. Their faces aren’t red, they aren’t hard to understand through the tears and snot is not running into their mouth. Unlike chicks on the soaps…..

That all women ONLY orgasm when they’re with the man they love, and they never think about the laundry, the bills or the kids while having sex with the man they love because they ALWAYS orgasm. All other sex they had in the past–should they have had any–was boring and something to be suffered through.

That a woman’s biggest “problem” with her hair is “taming her long, riotious corkscrew curls.”

That all men who enter into a “sex only” relationship with a women will be the first to cry foul and insist she marry him.

That all Arab men are sheiks, and they all treat their women with great respect.
No woman is EVER a second class citizen when an Arab hero is involved.

That all women who cheat a man out of some money do it to
help someone sick, poor or in need of an operation. They would NEVER do it for personal gain.

That no woman has stretch marks, PMS, sagging boobs, gray hairs, mustaches, chin hairs or weight problems–UNLESS it’s that she’s losing too much weight. Where’s that upchuck bag again? Once, just once, I want the guy to say, “Hold still one second while I get my tweezers. You have a biiiiigggg chin hair…”

THERE IS NEVER A WET SPOT AND NO MAN WOULD EVER PUSH THE WOMAN HE LOVES INTO SAID WET SPOT AND HOLD HER THERE TILL SHE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER!! Good times, honey, good times.

Geez, can ya tell I’m reading (too much) FICTION??

Thanks To Romance Novels, I Now Believe Copyright 2004 by Goddess