Tuesday, October 30, 2012

and now, a parenting tip from Goddess

I've read lots of articles that talk about how not spending time with your children is a baaaaad thing and it leaves them with deep psychological scars from which they might never recover.

But no expert ever talks about the REAL problem: spending TOO MUCH time with your offspring!! Especially when no one can leave the premises. How parents in the wilds of Alaska do it is beyond me. I'd be going through a LOT of home brew! And moose tranquilizers

Seriously though, we are eternally grateful that our little corner of the world was spared from the ravages of Sandy over the last few days. We are tremendously blessed...and we know it! Our hearts go out to all of those people who are dealing with it. We've gone through a flood situation before and it's devastating and depressing.

In the words of the infamous Billy Joel, "Don't forget your second wind Wait in your corner until that breeze blows in..."

Monday, October 29, 2012

storm o'the century update

See? A little rain doesn't bother Umbrella Girl!
Conditions here at Casa de Goddess in Pennsylvania have deteriorated so badly and so quickly that I had to break into my emergency chocolate stash. Half of it is gone already.

What will I do? Where will I go? How will I survive?!

The howling winds....the driving rains...the whole having to deal with my kids in close quarters for long periods of time BULLSHIT.

 The worst part of all of this? If our food supply is cut off, and we're left to starve, I can't even kill a family member and eat 'em...cuz none of them are made of chocolate.

 *Paging the Donner Party of none*

The thing about this storm that REALLY peeves me??? I was counting on the Offsprings' trick or treat haul to replenish my chocolate supply.

 DAMN YOU TOWNSHIP FOR CANCELLING IT TOMORROW!! AND to add insult to injury, THEY CANCELLED SCHOOL!! So the kids get a little wet. My mother used to slap on our rubbers, yank on our raincoats and shove us out the door...usually locking it behind her. And I turned out just fine.

Oh, did I forget to mention that so far not much has happened her and it's raining a little?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Can you say, "blase", kids?

CLEARLY the people in my hood are not taking this storm seriously. I admit, I *rarely* take anything the weather man says seriously, but after that last winter storm in which we didn't have electricity for six freaking days, I'm taking this a tad more seriously than usual.

Of course that didn't stop me from waiting until today to get water and ice (to pack the freezer), but while I was at the store I noticed that most people were stocking up on stuff like chips, pretzels, candy and soda. Definitely MY kind of people, but I don't think all those salty snacks are gonna sustain them too long, especially when they don't seem to be buying water...

I wanted to be sure I bought the SPRING water and not the DISTILLED water. So I looked at the label several times and saw the words "SPRING WATER". Naturally when I got it to the car I looked closer realized it was distilled, but I took it anyway, thinking I can just add some Himalayan crystal sea salt to it to replace the minerals. Of course the RED cap should have been the big clue. Sigh. Then I hiked back into the store and got some Deer Park water. My favorite! And yaya I know some hillbilly gets it right out of his hose and puts it in bottles to sell to unsuspecting rubes like me, but damn it, I like the taste of his hose water better than mine!

I made sure to charge up all my electric items: phone, laptop and Kindle. Now I know what you're thinking: "Goddess, you bought a Kindle Fire HD?! COOL!" I know I can't connect to the internet because I have Verizon and we all know the first wind of ANY storm knocks out Verizon internet, but alas, I have loaded up my kindle with GAMES and the laptop I can use for writing, if need be.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

batten down the hatches, kids!

Mr. G and I just finished with our intense storm preparations.....

Me: "Do you know where your flashlight is?"

Him: "Yeah, I just dug it out from under the bed."

Me: "Does your flashlight have batteries that work?"

Him:  "Yep. Yours?"

Me: "Yep. I have batteries and baked goods."

We are good to go, people.....

well it's official....

the local weather dudes are trotting out that lovely cliched line:  'this is the calm.......*dramatic pause*........before the storm'...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I was reading an article..

about how some people believe the world will end December 21st because that is when the Mayan calendar ends.


How do we know that:

a. the dude in charge of finishing the calenders wasn't some sort of procrastinating, low self-esteem slacker who never finished anything he started?

b. that the Mayans weren't wiped out before they could finish the calendar?

c. the Mayans simply lost interest in calendars when they had the internet service installed?


Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Get With The Program, Hong Kongians!

Crappy ear buds discussed may not be crappy earbuds shown
I rue the damn day we shipped all of our manufacturing plants overseas. Especially on a day like today when I was trying to mow my grass for what could conceivably be THE LAST TIME. This year.

There I was minding my own business listening to my Sansa portable media player--which, IMHO is THEE mp3 player for idiots. You got your 'forward' and your 'backward' and not much room to f up in between!--when my new earbud popped right out of my left ear. I put it back in and took a few more steps and the damn thing popped out again. About 15 pops later I yanked the earbuds out of my ears and went inside for my 'old' pair that was NOT made in Hong Kong.

I was perusing the internet lo some five weeks ago, when an ad popped up on my screen notifying me that a certain site had retractable earbuds on sale, and I thought, "OMG, Goddess, what an amazing coincidence! You NEED retractable earbuds cuz you're way too lazy to wind them up yourself!" so I immediately ordered FIVE FREAKING PAIRS. It's almost like the internet knows exactly what I'm searching for!

Now I know what you're thinking, "Goddess, why were YOU cutting the grass?! What happened to Manuel, your lawn boy?!"

Some of the offspring wave 'adios' to Manuel
A little thing called the I.N.S., people.  How was *I* supposed to know it was illegal to employ illegal aliens?!

To make a long story short, I have five pairs of earbuds that prove Hong Kongians don't know JACK about earbuds, and they ALL have defective left ears.

No, I shouldn't say that. It's wrong to make a blanket assumption like that. Let's just say all Hong Kongians in earbud manufacturing have defective left ears.


Sunday, October 07, 2012

last night i had the strangest dream

no, not that little row boat to China dream....

I dreamt that I was fooling around with Stephen Colbert--and it was strangely vivid--but the comical thing is that the whole time we were fooling around he was wearing his suit and glasses.

I'm guessing that comes from me saying I love a man in a suit....I just don't want him in it 24/7;)