Saturday, April 28, 2012

why is it...

that every time i drag my ass out of bed on a saturday morning and go to the grocery store in a baggy sweatshirt, equally baggy jeans and beat up sneakers, i am sandwiched in between two women who look like they're headed for the Beautiful Women Hall of Fame with their tight jeans, hooker heels and two inch red nails?! Not to mention their three feet of hair and perfectly made up faces!!!

GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK, UNIVERSE!! 

 It's the GROCERY store.


Next time I expect the people in front and back of me to be fat, with no teeth and back braces!!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Welcome to my Nightmare Humble Abode

I was over on Shrinky's site and she posted pictures of her house. WhatEVS, Shrinky, two can play that game!

I decided to show you various pictures from just two of the 'homes' *cough cough* we've lived in over the years.

First up is this little number that we ummm 'bought' (squatters rights rock!!) when Mr. G and I first hooked up. You know what they say, if you take care of a place for six years...and you have enough guns to keep the poleece out, it's yours!

I liked this 'starter'(and finisher)  'home' because as you can see, we not only had a front porch, we also had lots of storage space. Or acreage, as some folks call it.  AND we had a prime location--two steps from the highway. Curbside appeal! Check out that way cool motorcycle by the curb. Yep, Mr. G's Har(d)ley.

We had a really nice size back yard so I had plenty of room to hang out the kids and the laundry.  Here's a picture of me (before I decided to have more fun and go blonde!) and
Female Offspring #.......meh, they all look alike at that age.
Mock me if you will, ladies, but at least *I*  never had to endure the shame of calling the police cuz my kids wandered away while I was hanging up clothes. Sure there were those many, many times they wandered away while I was drunk but NEVER WHILE I WAS HANGING CLOTHES!















This was our first bicycle/riding lawn mower.  It's like I always say, "Blade up if you're going to the store, kids. We don't need to trim the sidewalk!"













Gotta admit, I always loved the bathroom in that trailer.....













A short time later, when the SWAT team arrived and our ammo ran out, we 'decided' to move into this little beauty.....but I always felt like something was missing. Besides all front yard storage space and burned out vehicles, I mean. And it was a real bitch going outside to get something out of the fridge. Our lucky neighbors did get to see me bending over every morning to get some whiskey for my bran flakes out of the soda bin while I scratched in places women shouldn't scratch. And i can't even blame the persistent itch on the underwear cuz I never wore any.









I do the miss the den......















This is a picture of our current bomb shelter....it's not quite finished yet. I think another ton of dirt and some grass seed oughta do it. And NO you canNOT stay in our bombshelter. I only have so much emergency chocolate and after that, no one is S.A.F.E.
















I hope you enjoyed seeing pics of my humble abode as much as I enjoyed showing them to you.
Ok, tonight is my night to cook....burgers it is!

Monday, April 09, 2012

hmm, had trouble with this one

'name an occupation whose afternoon visits women dream about' ....and i kept drawing a total blank. this is where it sucks to work daylight...WHO comes in the afternoon, damn it?!

I put cop, but to be fair i put 'cop' for just about any question dealing with sex and men.

the top answer was: plumper but as soon as I wrote "WHO comes in the afternoon?" UPS popped into my head.

clearly i'm not in my right mind....

So I'm playing Family Feud and the question was "name some extremes you'd go to avoid a persistent ex" and I got the first four right: change phone number, move, wear disguise and hide. The last one they were looking for was "don't answer your phone" but I said, "fake your own death"....

"what subject *might* be taboo for the best man to bring up in a wedding toast" and I said "he slept with the bride"...yeah that *MIGHT* be taboo.

Friday, April 06, 2012

HA!

Two of my alter-egos--Blondie and Super Girl played several rounds of Family Feud tonight and guess what?

Blondie was the hands down winner.

Blondie won almost ALL of the Fast Money rounds while brunette Super Girl won only TWO out of twelve. She also gave answers such as this: "Something circus people ride....POODLES".

Yeah, sure they do.