Sunday, December 30, 2012

so far away doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore

Over the Christmas holidays, Female Offspring #1 called me to tell me she had been offered a job in New York City. I knew she had interviewed earlier in the month and I know my daughter is a very sharp, intelligent woman, but there was a part of me that was hoping that she wouldn't get offered the job. That sounds horrible to say and I feel guilty saying it, but it's how I feel. And while I was saying, "Wow, this is such a great opportunity for you," in my head I was thinking, "please don't take it."

She's living in Pittsburgh now and even that seems a long way away at times, but I know that if something happened and I needed her to come home that she could be here in the same day, so in that sense, she doesn't seem so far away.

She told the people that she's thinking about it, but I think her mind is made up and it's just breaking my heart because I know I'll only see her once or twice a year. Mr. G is NOT a traveler and quite frankly I'm not keen on it either, but I was willing to do the drives back and forth to Pittsburgh all the time, whereas he just kept saying he 'didn't feel comfortable' driving in the city. Add to the fact that we don't have the financial wherewithal to do a lot of traveling, so I know there's no way we'd be flying out to see her if she moved to New York.

She just bought a home in Pittsburgh a few months ago, and I was really hoping she'd be able to enjoy her home and her yard and her garden. But I know she's been unhappy at her job and quite frankly, there's hardly anything worse than hating your job, hating to get up every morning and know what's staring you in the face.

I can still remember the day she left for college in Pittsburgh. We were at the train station and I was thinking how great I was handling it all. Then the train pulled in and I said, "Well, it's time to say goodbye," and the next thing I knew I was bawling like a baby.

And as I'm writing this, I'm bawling again. My throat hurts and my heart aches to think of her so far way. But I can't project my fears and limiting beliefs on to her. It IS a great opportunity and I want her to be happy in her work. She deserves it, too. She's worked hard for her Master's Degree and she financed her own college education.

I just wish she didn't have to be so far away. And to that end, I can only pray for the outcome to be the best for all involved.

1 comment:

BRUNO said...

And if we were to simply REVERSE the titles of Mother/Daughter?

I'd be willing to bet the feelings in this posting would STILL-apply, just as equally...☺!