Monday, May 28, 2012

How To Get Rid Of Your Stalker In One Easy Click...

There I was enjoying this lovely Memorial Day in my pajamas, innocently reading a story on some idiot celebrity and at the top of the page, this box pops up and says, "You are the first one of your Friends to read this story. It has been posted to your Facebook page."


Facebook, I'm fed up with this total invasion of privacy. You're one needy, insecure bastard. Don't you have any Friends of your own?!

If I wanted people to know I was wasting time reading about idiot celebrities and their idiot relationships, instead of doing something productive, I'd tell them myself. But I know better cuz I'd look IDIOT.

This is not the first time you've horned in on my online viewing. When I'm buying vitamins, the store wants me to tell all my Friends which vitamins I bought. When I'm buying jeans, the store wants me to post that to Facebook. When I'm commenting on an online article, Facebook wants me to log in and post under their ID so allllllll my Friends will know allllll my opinions on everything.

Every where I go Facebook is there, like a freaking boyfriend whose attentions are not welcome. Facebook: The Consummate Stalker.


I'm tired of you butting into my online viewing. I'm tired of you stalking me all over the internet. I'm tired of you requiring me to "Like" things. It's time to pack up your cookies, your dumbass Bingo, your ludicrous Farmville and mooooo-ve the hell out. Lure in some other unsuspecting, naive schlub who says "Wow, Facebook, you seem like lots of fun!"

So, adios, Facebook. I don't like you anymore, I don't need you anymore and I certainly don't want you anymore.

You've overstayed your welcome and I'm kicking you to the curb.

You're sucking the fun right out of my online viewing AND while I did enjoy the poking, not ONCE did I have a screaming O to show for it. Needy prick.

Oh, and don't try coming back, cuz I changed the deadbolts on the front door. Loser.

1 comment:

BRUNO said...

And it'll only get worse with time, and soon, too, since they started trading stocks PUBLICLY, now.

I don't look for them to last more than a year from now, at most...