Sunday, August 21, 2011

fly, canadian geese, fly! up, up to the sky!

As you all know, I am a very busy mom of 16 offspring. Well, I'm not so busy with the offspring, but I AM busy with MY work, reading, drinking and excessive chain smoking. And the bingeing. Let's not forget the bingeing.

When I say I don't have the room in my blonde head to worry about one more thing, I MEAN IT! Important stuff is being shoved out of my head at an alarming rate. If it keeps up, my head will be completely empty by the end of October.

So now what am I worrying about? Yeah, besides rerouting all the plumping AGAIN for the sewer and the damn crumbling foundation wall, which the repair dude ASSures me will NOT fall in. Really? What happens when a wall crumbles? It continues to stand?  AND then I have the worry of paying for it all..fucking jackass don't know how to build houses, builders! I hate you all!

Ok, on today's problem. Three Canadian geese have invaded my life. When I walk by the railroad, these Northern annoyances hide in the tall grass on the access road, but when they see me coming they immediately start crossing the tracks. While they're doing it, they send "it's all your fault, lady, if we get killed" glances over their shoulder at me. Wait. Do geese have shoulders? Well, if they did... this, in turn, wracks me to with guilt and causes me to worry relentlessly.

To clarify, two nervous Nellys cross while the third one's job seems to be scaring me by honking loudly and coming at me in a menacing waddle. He so thinks he's getting the better of me, but today I yelled, "BACK OFF, GOOSE! STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ROAD OR I WILL SCREAM!" Contrary to popular geese belief the road IS wide enough for the four of us, even with the extra junk I've packed into my trunk.

The one day they had the sense to wait UNTIL the train passed, but they waddle right up to the edge while they wait. Clearly these birds have seen Fried Green Tomatoes! I'm so afraid the feathered twits are going to hop, waddle, hop, waddle right onto the track of an oncoming train. Don't these dumbazz birds KNOW they can fly across the tracks? Apparently they haven't read that far ahead in their "Do's and Don'ts of Canadian Geese" user manuals.

Today they went hopping and waddling AS a train was coming. Now let's just say these birds aren't the smartest or the FASTEST, if you catch my drift and I had to turn away. Part of the problem is the train tracks are running beside me but are built somewhat above the access road, so I can't see which track the train is on and which track the dumb birds are on unless I walk closer to the tracks. But this blonde knows better. I have seen Fried Green Tomatoes. Brrrr! Still gives me the shudders.

I was positive they were going to end up geese soup or geese stew or geese smashed against the front of a Norfolk Southern on this fine morning. However, on the return trip, I realized they waited for the train to pass then came back across the tracks and were hiding in the grass again!

Tricky little bastards, aren't they?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

taking what they're giving cuz we're workin' for a livin'

Seriously.

WTF is UP with teen job seekers? Are ya kidding me coming into the office and telling ME to "jump online" and see if I can find a phone number/address for the place YOU used to work?!

If you don't even have the initiative to put a resume together, people are NOT going to hire you.

I don't care if you "think" you worked at a place in such and such a year, I need that EXACT year. Don't show up with references but no phone numbers. 

Don't waste my time.

And no, I'm not going to call your GRANDMA and have her verify the year you moved into this state.

Dumbest fucking line of all? "Call the last place I worked and ask for so and so. She can give you a reference, but she doesn't work there anymore."

Saturday, August 13, 2011

promises, promises


*insert achy, tired groan of old person here*

I was telling a YOUNGSTER about the balsa wood airplanes we used to have as kids. We loved those things. My dad used to buy them for us and we'd add the wings and the tail thingy and play with them for hours. Or until they hit into the side of the house and broke;)

Anybody else remember these or am I the only oldster???

Saturday, August 06, 2011

i just don't get it

I was talking to one of our employees the other day. She works full time---40 hours a week--and yet I'm always filling out unemployment papers for her.

I said, "How can you get unemployment when you're working full time?"

She said, "That has nothing to do with it. Because there's a gap between what I made and what I make now, I can sign up, even if I'm working 40 hours a week."

GMAFB. It's so apparent why this country is in the crapper.