Friday, April 29, 2011

a good sitter is hard to find.....

While I don't recognize the name, I can't help but think maybe this woman works for us because so many of our employees are not familiar with the word "babysitter" either. They can never attend "mandatory" meetings because they don't have a....babysitter. They can never work weekends (GASP!) because they don't have a...babysitter. They even have to leave client's homes early to get their kids off the bus because they don't have...a lick of sense. Thought I was gonna say "babysitter", huh? I am. They don't have common sense OR a babysitter.
Here's a definition of the word straight out of Webster's Dickshunary:
Babysitter (ˈbā-bē-ˌsit-ter): the person who takes tender loving care of your children while you go to the grocery store, attend Mass or rob a Payless. (Noun)
Let's face it, people, it's much easier for you to make a fast get-away without a kid hanging off your teat. Not mention, you're much less conspicuous. Oh, and here's a robbery tip, honey: if you're going to be charged with armed robbery, go for the money and not the tacky shoes. I just hope to God she wasn't stealing a pair of Jellys because that would be the final insult.


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Woman carrying infant arrested following armed robbery

Police arrested a West Columbia woman Wednesday following the armed robbery of a Payless Shoe store on Augusta Road.
Carrying her three-month-old baby, Jaclyn Alveshire, of Whiteside Circle, allegedly took a pair of shoes and left the store without paying for them.
Alveshire pulled a gun on a store clerk when confronted outside the store before getting into her car and driving away, the West Columbia Police Department stated.
The 32-year-old mother was arrested a short distance away and has been charged with armed robbery, use of a gun in a violent crime and unlawful conduct toward a child. Wednesday afternoon she was being held in the Lexington County Detention Center and her child turned over to relatives.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Yay!

The amboolance took Mr. G to the hospital last night after he couldn't "shake off" appendicitis as well as he thought he could.

He shall be returning him minus the pus filled --I wanted to write pus-y appendix, but it came out looking like 'pussy' and I knew some smart ass--yeah Bruno, YOU!!--would say, "what does pussy have to do with your appendix?!"

Regardless pus-y or pussy, he doesn't have the damn appendix anymo!

Oh, humorous little addendum here: as they're wheeling my husband into the OR, I leaned over to kiss him and I said, "I love you. We'll be here waiting for you when the surgery is over," and he looked deeply into my eyes and said, "I love you, too. Don't forget to renew my library books. I forgot."

Sunday, April 24, 2011

the internet is so damn intrusive

I bought a pair of pants online today and the ads for that company has shown up on about six sites that I've checked out since, even my damn StatCounter.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

time for another installment of Good News, Bad News

Good news: Holly is feeling much better these days after the "bone almost kills dog" incident of '11.

So much so that when she was out doing her business early this morning---yeah, this is the bad news--she chased the Easter Bunny and caught him after he deposited the children's baskets on the front stoop of the trailer.

While he made a yummy breakfast for Holly, sadly the offspring were traumatized, which gave me plenty of time to raid their baskets and remove any chocolate likeness of the Easter Bunny. You know, for their own good and all that.

Happy Easter!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

i'm thinking of adding to the family...

NO not another human baby! One can only push out so many of them before the muscles holding the uterus in place cry out for mercy.

Ever since FHB sent me the pics of this sweet little baby giraffe, I've been thinking about getting one for the offspring.

Why not? I have an unused dog pen the back yard. And part of that trampled fence where the one llama that we didn't eat got away.

I think it would be a nice addition to Goddessville! Hmmm, wonder if they're good eatin'...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

not only do we have more fun...

We inspire some of the best jokes....

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them. 

Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don’t know the route.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."
Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees, and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," says the boss.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"
Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"



Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.