Sunday, August 21, 2011

fly, canadian geese, fly! up, up to the sky!

As you all know, I am a very busy mom of 16 offspring. Well, I'm not so busy with the offspring, but I AM busy with MY work, reading, drinking and excessive chain smoking. And the bingeing. Let's not forget the bingeing.

When I say I don't have the room in my blonde head to worry about one more thing, I MEAN IT! Important stuff is being shoved out of my head at an alarming rate. If it keeps up, my head will be completely empty by the end of October.

So now what am I worrying about? Yeah, besides rerouting all the plumping AGAIN for the sewer and the damn crumbling foundation wall, which the repair dude ASSures me will NOT fall in. Really? What happens when a wall crumbles? It continues to stand?  AND then I have the worry of paying for it all..fucking jackass don't know how to build houses, builders! I hate you all!

Ok, on today's problem. Three Canadian geese have invaded my life. When I walk by the railroad, these Northern annoyances hide in the tall grass on the access road, but when they see me coming they immediately start crossing the tracks. While they're doing it, they send "it's all your fault, lady, if we get killed" glances over their shoulder at me. Wait. Do geese have shoulders? Well, if they did... this, in turn, wracks me to with guilt and causes me to worry relentlessly.

To clarify, two nervous Nellys cross while the third one's job seems to be scaring me by honking loudly and coming at me in a menacing waddle. He so thinks he's getting the better of me, but today I yelled, "BACK OFF, GOOSE! STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ROAD OR I WILL SCREAM!" Contrary to popular geese belief the road IS wide enough for the four of us, even with the extra junk I've packed into my trunk.

The one day they had the sense to wait UNTIL the train passed, but they waddle right up to the edge while they wait. Clearly these birds have seen Fried Green Tomatoes! I'm so afraid the feathered twits are going to hop, waddle, hop, waddle right onto the track of an oncoming train. Don't these dumbazz birds KNOW they can fly across the tracks? Apparently they haven't read that far ahead in their "Do's and Don'ts of Canadian Geese" user manuals.

Today they went hopping and waddling AS a train was coming. Now let's just say these birds aren't the smartest or the FASTEST, if you catch my drift and I had to turn away. Part of the problem is the train tracks are running beside me but are built somewhat above the access road, so I can't see which track the train is on and which track the dumb birds are on unless I walk closer to the tracks. But this blonde knows better. I have seen Fried Green Tomatoes. Brrrr! Still gives me the shudders.

I was positive they were going to end up geese soup or geese stew or geese smashed against the front of a Norfolk Southern on this fine morning. However, on the return trip, I realized they waited for the train to pass then came back across the tracks and were hiding in the grass again!

Tricky little bastards, aren't they?


BRUNO said...

Meanwhile, on the OTHER-side of the grassy-area---a homeless-family is rootin' for one TO get 'pwn'd, so's they can have a meal.

See? What goes around comes around, in the end...!

*Goddess* said...

Actually on the other side is FREAKING WATER, proving again, just how dumb these birds really are!