Sunday, May 22, 2011

ok all you Rapturites

If the person telling you the world is coming to an end is not busy giving away his millions of dollars worth of assets, I wouldn't start giving mine away either.

Just a little tip.

Monday, May 09, 2011

so you want to live in a world without malaria

Female Offspring #8 came home from school and told me they are having a "walk a thon for malaria". She wanted me to sponsor her.

That one had me a tad stumped. I mean, I can't remember the last case of malaria we had in the trailer court. Schure we did have a few outbreaks of leprosy in '07, but malaria? Huh uh.

I said, "When you get to school tomorrow, tell your teacher that your mother wants to know if this is a walk a thon for MORE malaria or LESS malaria?"

Sunday, May 08, 2011

i want candy!!

And now YOU do, too!

and a Happy Mother's Day to you, too!

I received this Mother's Day card from the offspring today and the message really upset me. Oh schure THEY think it's a joke, but I was in tears.

It made me question my mothering skilz.

Do these kids not realize I gave them the best years of my crappy life by refusing to marry any of their low achieving fathers and live in a trailer court?! Do they not realize how much I struggled to to support them and listen to all their (usually criminally related) problems? Do they not realize I would never buy expensive drain cleaner like Drano because that would give me less money for my cigarettes and booze?! HAVE I TAUGHT THEM NOTHING?! D*mn stupid kids...mutter, mutter.

Ok, it's almost 11 am. Time to spend some quality time with my new bf Mr. Beam...

Thursday, May 05, 2011