Sunday, January 02, 2011

his hair was slick and he was slicker

I've read romance novels since I was a wide eyed innocent in high school. Advance ten years later--I said TEN YEARS, DAMN IT!!---and I am still a wide eyed innocent who is getting incredibly sick of some of the same plots being used over and over and over again. I think what angers me so much is that in any romance writing book you read, they tell newbies NOT to used tired plot lines and yet the established writers blatantly do just that and it's acceptable.
First plot line I'm sick of: the hero who suddenly "inherits" a baby and looks to the first female he finds, be it his assistant, his neighbor or his DOG WALKER--worst EVER variation on this plot--and gets her to take care of the child for him. Then he falls for her, but I'm never sure he's in love with her for her or for the free, built in babysitting services.

Second plot line I'm sick of: wealthy CEOs whose daddies suddenly decide they need to marry and have a child immediately. First son to do so will be chosen to run the family business! These story lines usually run in series books because there will be three or four relatives competing against each other to "win". Now we all know that bedding the first chick we see and knocking her up is a well known way to prove your business savvy, and we all know that the best thing a father can do is force his workaholic child to marry and have kids so he can ignore both his wife and his kids, but enough is enough. Just once, I want a HERO--a REAL HERO--to say, "Mind your own damn business, Dad, and while we're on the subject, run your own damn business. I'm striking out on my own because I have a mind of my own." But no, they all kiss Dad's ass by running out and sleeping with a stranger. Oh, excuse me, my bad. A beautiful sexy stranger. Because again, we all know CEO's never marry uglee women.

Third plot line I'm pretty damn fed up with: he was rejected by her when they were younger, now he's as wealthy as a Beverly Hillbilly and she's as po' as Jed used to be before he was out  shootin' at some food and up through the ground came a bubblin' crude. He sweeps in to "save" her when really he's hell bent on destroying her and along the way--ooops!--he falls in love with her all over again. Awwww. Can he get her to fall in love with him again? He can if he treats her cruelly enough! You'd have to be a pretty sick bastard to nurture your anger for years and years, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to destroy someone you "love", but such is the path of a determined stalker romantic. And if he gets her fired from her job or kicked out of her apartment along the way, hey, it's all good, right?


1 comment:

BRUNO said...

Well, at least you're not readin' about GAY-romances. Or at least "Not Asking, Not Telling".

Hey, I got nothin' against gays, really, I mean, if "packin' fudge", or strappin' on a "rubber-romance" turns your crank, then pack and/or hump-away.

Just don't expect me to be a "member of the board", of your Packers' Union, 'cause I'm stickin' with the time-proven "alternative", thank you very much...!!!☺