Wednesday, January 19, 2011

blah blah blah think you'll be gettin' this? nah nah nah

Here's some stuff that's been on my mind lately. Nothing important, mind you, just all consuming.

I read an interview with that religious chubby cheeked Cameron chick who used to be on Full House. While she readily admitted that she talked to the guys on the show on a regular basis, when asked about the Olsen twins, she said that she "never talked to them, for no particular reason." If that doesn't smack of "I'm crazy jealous cuz those skinny bitches became famous despite the fact that  I was a much better actress than they were," I don't know what does. Free yourself, Cameron chick. Jesus loves it when you tell the truth! Admit you're jealous. If I was on that show, I'd want to smack those brats. Let's face it, they weren't even cute. And "you got it, dude"? How dumb is that catch phrase? Makes "who let the dogs out" sound downright scholarly. Now they're gazillionaire fashion designers, despite the fact that they dress like bag ladies. You have every reason to not like them. Praise Jesus.

I thought about Oprah's stupid article on how she gorged on mac and cheese because she was depressed about a movie failure. This after Oprah's stupid article on how she had made peace with food. Discretion. Use it. For the love of all that's creamy and delicious, stop freaking talking about your weight and food and your latest diets, woman! One time when my husband and I were having sex, I admit I was more excited about eating the chocolate body paint than I was about sexing him, but I would NEVER admit to it in a public forum! We get it, you're fat and you don't want to be. Discretion. Use it.

Then my mind wandered like Moses in the desert. I thought about how my dog won't get up on the bed with me early in the morning when I'm awake and I'm trying to coax her up. She waits till I fall asleep then she nudges me with her nose. I also thought about how incredibly cold a dog's nose is on the small of your back at 4 a.m.


I thought about how I've never been a very good saver, and I keep waiting for a savior  to swoop in and rescue me and allow me to live out my days in wealth and luxury. To that end, I've decided to be realistic. No more scratch off lottery ticket retirement plans. Instead, I'm going to back a winning horse: I'm going to invent something that will make me instantly rich. There are tons of feminine hygiene products, and due to very clever advertising, a ton of females thinking they have stinky cooches. So I decided to manufacture: dick soap. I even came up with a catchy name: Dick Soap. And here's the best part, you rub the dick soap in, but you don't have to rinse it off.  You can get clean and jerk off at the same time! Genius, yes? Best part is you won't smell all girly after you whack off. You just smell clean. Then I realized that guys probably don't spend a lot of time worrying that their dicks stink.

Last but certainly least,  I spent some time thinking about that Ke$ha chick who is always singing about getting wasted, partying and having sex with guys. Why don't sexy singer chicks ever write about the importance of going to school and getting a good education? I guess it's easier to rhyme "blah blah blah" than "bachelor's degree".

Now I'm off to think about about how I love little baby ducks, old pick up trucks, slow movin' trains and why anyone would want to see Octomom having sex.

1 comment:

BRUNO said...

Way, WAY-too-much stress! You should do some Yoga, and be at inner-peace with your mind! Pay NO attention to those cracking-noises from your joints. It's simply the poisons exiting your system!

And, you think that SCREAMING is from PAIN? Oh no, that's the voice of all those evil-spirits of hatred flowing-forth.

"Be Well, Citizen!"

(stoopid-blondes, always sumpin' fer 'em t'bitch about---probly "that"-time of the month agane......huh? Oh, HELL---I'm sorry---I thought I'd already signed-out of the "comments"-section...!☺)