Sunday, August 29, 2010

now THAT'S multi-tasking!

An Elmwood Place police officer who stopped a car because it had illegally tinted windows received a bit of a shock when he looked inside.

Officer Ross Gilbert said the driver, Colondra Hamilton, a 36-year-old Downtown resident, was sitting with her pants unzipped and a sex toy in her lap.

He said Hamilton told him she was using the toy while watching a sex video on a laptop computer that a passenger in the front seat held up so she could see it.

Gilbert charged her with “driving with inappropriate alertness” and having illegal tinted windows, according to the traffic ticket.

The incident occurred at 7 p.m., Aug. 17, on Township Avenue in Elmwood Place, a small village in central Hamilton County.

Gilbert admitted he had never encountered a traffic case quite like this one.

“It’s very unusual,” he said. “This is a first for me.”

Hamilton was released on her own recognizance soon after her arrest.

She is scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday in Hamilton County Municipal Court

Friday, August 27, 2010

Hollywood, stop it. JUST. STOP. IT.

Playboy playmate Karissa Shannon is claiming that Spencer "stole" her sex tape with Heidi Montag.

Celebs, you're embarrassing yourselves. Only a complete idiot would believe this tape has been "stolen" just like Danielle Staub's tape and Paris Hilton's tape and Pamela Anderson's tape and Rebecca Gayheart's tape and Vince Neil's tape and blah blah BLAH. If it WERE true, shame all of you for being so damn dumb that you can't even hide a video tape in a safe place. Apparently the only sure money in Hollywood lies in the sale of home security alarm systems.

However, celebs, we all know you're getting a cut of the profits and we all know this is yet another way of pimping yourself, and being in porn without the stigma of being in porn. And it's also another way to hone your tired acting skills by acting all outraged and embarrassed. That stolen lie might work on Mom and Dad but it sure ain't working on us.

Enough.

Monday, August 23, 2010

hee hee haw haw

Thanks, Bugs!
---------

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is LAW.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe... Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and do my hair?'
Without even looking up from her morning paper Sue replied, 'The frickin' funeral director would be my first guess.'

Sunday, August 22, 2010

no, Alice, welcome to MY nightmare


My sister called me this afternoon and said, "OMG!! Alice Cooper is coming to town!! Do you want to get tickets to go see him?"

After I spent a few seconds manually adjusting my eyeballs because I rolled them ceiling ward too many times in rapid succession and they stuck, I said, "You're kidding me, right?"

My sister: "No! We've always wanted to see Alice."

Moi: "Yeah, when we were IN HIGH SCHOOL and when he was in his heyday, not two steps from the grave. Do you have any idea how OLD Alice is right now? HE'S SIXTY TWO YEARS OLD!!! The only thing sadder than SEEING Alice on tour right now is Alice BEING on tour right now!"

Seriously. What is the man going to sing? "School's out for ever?" Dude, you're SIXTY TWO YEARS OLD. Of course school is out FOREVER! OR maybe he'll sing "The Guttercats vs. The Jets" because when you're a jet you're a jet all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dying day! Proving once again, that sadly there are some lyrics you can never erase from your brain.

NOW LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS FOOLISHNESS AGAIN!!!!

did you know....

That StatCounter--my FAVORITE FREE stats program--now has exit links and exit link activity status in their options?

They also added downloads and download activity, so I can see that current people are grooving on the Doonesbury 'toon I posted last. Cool!

I don't know why anyone would pay for a stats program when this is available, AND it's a 'real time' stats program!

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

paging Romeo and Juliet....paging Romeo and Juliet

Awwww, no! Bristol Palin has called it quits with Levi Johnston.

Turns out the last straw was NOT the fact that he might have fathered a child with another woman.

Palin was pissed because Johnston went to Hollywood and participated in a video that mocked her family. You know, as opposed to Johnston's previous actions which weren't mocking her family in any way.......

Apparently Johnston told Palin he was going to Hollwood to see a "hunting show". I guess cuz there's lots of hunting going on in Hollywood. But he was really going to Hollywood to do the video. *GASP* He lied!

Sunday, August 01, 2010

delish!

Hey, Ann, from Pittsburgh PA!!

I found your Dove Promises saying, "Go out for adventure. Go home for love" in my bag of peanut toffee crunch Dove:)

just gonna stand there and watch me burn

I LOVE the chorus of the new song, Love the Way You Lie from Rhianna. There's just one big problem with the rest of the song: it's a duet w/Eminem.

I can't stand Eminem.

His "singing" isn't singing, it's just a white boy rapping, and there's nothing sadder than a white boy rapping.

Her chorus is so beautiful and he totally ruins the song with his gibberish rantings.