Sunday, February 28, 2010

we used to LOVE these!!

Gawd, how we loved our Fizzies when we were kids, and we could only get them at Gee Bee Markets.
They were like an Alka Seltzer tablet. You dropped them into a glass of water and they fizzed into root beer or cherry or whatever. Weird thing is I don't remember having to add sugar.
Wonder what gives with this voodoo lemon lime? Some bleeding heart would have a field day today talking about how politically INcorrect it is. We never paid attention to that shit. They were just good cheap sugary drinks!



Fat Squirrel Hath Spoken....

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Bill Maher on the term "sex addiction" and Tiger Woods...

Maher: ".....on CNN one (sex) addict said, "The day Mount Saint Helens blew up, everyone was talking about it. But I didn't even know it happened because I was having sex all that day." Oh, the humanity! Please get this man some professional help soon, before he has a hot three-way and completely misses a tornado."

"Now, I haven't commented on Tiger Woods much because, well, he's just a golfer and it took me this long to give a shit."

"You want to know the surest way that you can spot a "sex addict?" He's got a penis."

"Now usually, when famous cheaters are looking for public redemption, they go to Jesus, but Tiger went old school, and claimed that sleeping with 2/3 of the waitresses in America had made him a failure as a Buddhist. He said Buddhism teaches you the way to inner peace is letting go of desire - and if that doesn't sound like marriage, I don't know what does.

Personally, if I was a golfer, I'd go with Jesus - because he's a Trinity, so when you walk with him, you've got a foursome. Christianity is for rubes. Buddhism is for actors."

Friday, February 26, 2010

Five Things Friday!!


Tell me five things you love about your life.

I'll start:
1. We paid off our (not so) humble abode! YAY!
2. I saw a really HOTT cop on the way to work today! Double YAY!
3. Dove makes peanut butter eggs!
4. The upcoming snowstorm affords me a chance at an unexpected day off of work. Keep your fingers crossed, kids!
5. The birds like me better than Mr. G!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

riders on the storm

I listened to the tv weather report on snowstorm central, and the weatherman speculated that we would have "high winds, blowing and drifting snows, downed power lines and trees, whiteouts, and possible road closings."

Hell, he stopped just short of saying Jesus was coming.


The radio weather report?

"Two to four inches of snow...."

Aging Hippies, this one's for you

I went to the grocery store on the way home from work today to pick up a peanut butter suet treat for the birds. (I want them to like me better than they like Mr. G, so I go out of my way to buy them little treats to keep their bellies full and warm.)

As I got out of the car, there was an aging hippie in the vehicle next to me. He had long grey hair, round wire glasses and a pony tail. The only thing Chong was missing was his bestest friend, Mari Juana.

As if being forty years behind the times in fashion and hair styles isn't sad enough, you'll never guess what he was BLASTING on his car radio: "Baby I'm a Want You" by Bread. And I mean "BLASTING" as in 'I would have felt the bass.......if there was any'.

People, there are some songs that SHOULD be blasted in the parking lot, songs like Flo Rida's "Right Round" or P Diddy's "Last Night". On the other hand, songs by Bread should not only be avoided at high decibels, they should be BANNED COMPLETELY from the airwaves.

I believe Cartman summed up my feelings best when he said, "I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!"

And smash their car radios.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

question o' the day

What was the best piece of advice you've ever gotten?

this little piggy cried "wee wee wee"...all the way home

TMI...too much information

Have you heard about this new site called Blippy? You get a profile and load up your credit cards, which supposedly aren't stored, and each time you make a purchase your friends can see it. It will say like, "Goddess spent $5.99 on Amazon."

Ummm, other than mine, whose business is this? If I spend $50 at WalMart, I don't think my mother or my sister in law needs to know that. Nor do I think they'd give a rats ass.

While the guys who started it SAY that it's about us being comfortable sharing all sorts of information, including financial info, I think this has EVERYTHING to do with marketing, and stores finding out all of your personal spending habits. I mean, what better way to target people than to go to a site where everything their spending habits are exposed?

Some people say it's a convenient way to keep track of your purchases. Yeah, so is pencil and paper.

Not that I'd ever join a site like Blippy, but if I did, I'd make damn sure the owners weren't allowed to sell my information because I bet that's exactly where this leading.

synchronizing: BRAINS!


Here's a fun little exercise. And when I say "fun" I mean, not so much fun as educational. The "fun" part comes in when you try to hold that position for the recommended THREE MINUTES. I know it had me laughing.

This exercise helps lift brain fog and improves mental health:

"With your feet pointing straight ahead, spread them apart about shoulder width. Grab your right earlobe with the thumb and finger of your left hand. Cross over your left arm and do the same using your right hand on the left earlobe. Then squat as fully as you can, breathing in. That`s a little counter intuitive, but that`s what you do. Breathe in as you squat.

Then breathe out as you stand. So the breathing needs to be synchronized with the squats. Continue this motion repetitively while holding both earlobes for three minutes. That may be too much at first, so start with one minute. One can go up to five minutes, but three is good enough. This can be done by anyone at any age and should be done on a daily basis until the fog lifts!"

"Los Angeles physician Dr. Eric Robins says that the brain cells and neurons are energized with this simple exercise. He prescribes it to his patients and has had excellent results. One example of his is a youngster doing poorly in school. After being introduced to the exercise, that child went on to become an A student.

According to Yale neurobiologist Dr. Eugenius Ang, the earlobes grabbed are acupuncture points that stimulate neural pathways in the brain. The brain`s hemispheres are in opposite sides of the earlobes. Using opposite hands for pinching the earlobes may have something to do with the way our subtle energies are arranged."

Saturday, February 20, 2010

ok here's a fun little time waster

Oy vey! I got up to 6600 points before I had to quit. I was making myself nuts!

Find it.

How well did you do?!

it's raining food

I love the tagline for the Weather Station on Cloudy W/A Chance of Meatballs: "The Weather Station, weather there's news or not."

That could apply to like EVERY 24 hour news station in the world...

question of the day

What's your favorite past time?

What do you love to do, even if you never get paid for it?

Friday, February 19, 2010

it's a family affair


I can't believe Sarah Palin is making such a huge deal about the episode of Family Guy in which a character with Downs Syndrome tells Chris that her dad was an accountant and her mother was "the former governor of Alaska."

Sarah is outraged and says it's an insult to her son with Downs. How is that an insult to her son? Guess she's not even clever enough realize it's a comment directed at HER.

As for the "retard" issue, I'm curious as to which side of the fence Sarah stands on? She was insulted when Rahm Emanuel said the word "retard" but wasn't so offended when her good buddy Rush Limbaugh said it because oh, that's right, Rush was "using satire".

I had a sibling with Downs, and for the record, I have NEVER liked the word "retard" in ANY form. Satire or not. It's meant as an insult and it's used to make someone feel stupid. And if someone is your TRUE friend, as Palin thinks good old Rush is, they would respect your stance on the issue, and not use the word at all.

Did I find Family Guy episode insulting to my late sister? Hardly. It was a dig at Sarah Palin, and not even a very clever one. Don't drag the entire Down's Syndrome community into this with your self-righteous indignation, Ms. Palin.

What I really find insulting is that Sarah Palin actually thinks Family Guy is going to handle this sort of issue with sensitivity and intelligence. GMAFB. Family Guy is deliberately crude and rude, and anybody with a lick of sense who has seen the show knows that.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

anybody buy ebooks?


Question: aren't ebooks supposed to be a tad cheaper than paperback/hardback books because you don't get an actual book?

I'm new to this, and I was looking for Lori Wilde's Addicted to Love, but one site has the ebook for $6.99, the same price as the paperback is on Amazon.

Is that normally the way it is?

isn't the nagging from six women punishment enough?!

Four? Six? What the hell difference does it make? It's more PMS than I care to think about...

BTW, love that last sentence. I somehow doubt the words "women" and "treated fairly" are used often in the same sentence in the Middle East...
------

Lashes for Saudi religious policeman with six wives


A Saudi court has sentenced an employee of the kingdom's religious police to 120 lashes for marrying six women.

The man said he was not educated enough to know that Islam does not allow men to marry more than four women at any one time, said an official at Ahad al-Massarha court in the southern province of Jazan.

"The judge did not believe him. Nobody believed him. I honestly did not," the official told Reuters.

The court banned the man from standing as a preacher and leading prayers, ordered him not to travel abroad for a five-year period and to memorise two chapters from the Koran.

The accused, in his fifties, is not a member of the Saudi Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice's morals squad but holds an administrative position there, the official said.

Shaikh Abdul-Mohsen al-Qaffari, spokesman of the virtue and vice commission, said it was the commission that discovered the case. Judge Salman al-Waadani, who pronounced the sentence, could not be reached for comment.

The court official said, "Members of the commission were accompanied by police when they arrested the man with one of his wives but it was the governor of Jazan who ordered an investigation onto the case".

The commission makes sure Saudi society abides by an austere interpretation of Islam in the kingdom, where clerics control the justice system.

With more than 5,000 members, its squads roam streets and shopping malls to make sure unrelated men and women are kept apart, that shops and restaurants are shut at prayer time, that women are covered from head to toe and to search for alcohol and drugs.

Islam allows polygamy for men on condition the wives are treated fairly.

the clothes make the twin

I read the Olsen twins are starting a new line of clothing called The Row. I hope they have luck with this, but I would SERIOUSLY question buying anything designed by someone who dresses like this....







Tuesday, February 16, 2010

wipe the shit from your shoes


At the Uk Brit Awards, Oasis won a one-off prize when their "(What's The Story) Morning Glory?" was named best British album of the last 30 years.

I heartily concur. It's one of my all time favorite cds, not a clinker in the bunch.

there is a season turn turn turn


Last night my gf tried to talk me into going to John Murtha's viewing.

I'm like, "I've never seen this guy alive, why would I want to see him now?"

She actually tried to lure me in with the old secret service/cops will be there routine.

Didn't work.

The woman I take care of in the morning was watching the funeral service on TV today. While they were waiting for the hearse to move to the cemetery, the local news dipshit was interviewing the FLORIST.

Gawd, you know they're just trying to fill air time when they interview the dude who arranged the flowers...

Monday, February 15, 2010

God save me....


From elderly people who keep trying to change MY work schedule to suit THEIR needs!!!

GUH!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

roses are red, violets are blue, I couldn't think of a post title, this will have to do



OMG. I hate it when teachers give little kids assignments like writing poems on the "roses are red" theme for Valentine's Day. Don't they know the majority of little kids have zero talent when it comes to stuff like this? Don't they know they make their parents suffer through one bad poem after another? Don't they know I'm going to make you suffer as well?

Here are a few gems Male Offspring # 6 came up with:

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar gives you cavities so brush your teeth after every meal. Crest is ok."

Sigh. Four out of five dentists would love that one. But clearly he just wasn't getting the gist of poetry.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I eat boogers, do you?"

Okkkkkkkkkkkk, then....

"Roses are red, my dog is a mutt, I eat Cheerios, geez, you have a big butt."

UGH.

"Roses are red, bananas are yellow, I want you to be my Valentine, but you smell-o."

Like fingernails down a chalk board.

"Roses are red, rocks are hard, I hate poems, here's your crappy card."

Awwww, FINALLY the true romantic in him comes out!

I have a big box of homemade cards from the offspring and last night I sat on the floor of my bedroom and read through them. They used to be so sweet. "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're so sweet, how could I not love you?" Now they're like thinly veiled death threats. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I want that iPod or it's curtains for you. And Daddy, too."

WTH?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

pigs!

I put food out for the birds--some bread, sunflower seeds and peanuts-- and I looked out a few minutes later and there was a big fat squirrel sitting in the middle of the pan eating all of the peanuts, not letting any of the birds have any.
What a pig!




DUDE, that is not cool! Wait your turn. I'm eating here.

when the snow starts a fallin' there's a man you should be a callin'


Mr. G called and asked me to meet him on the upper street when he came home from work. Yeah, we shoveled him OUT the other day and since we got another 12 or 14 inches last night/today, we had to shovel him IN this time.

The place where he parks is right across from a neighbor who has a plow. I kept hoping he'd come out and tell me he was going to plow, but no such luck so I started shoveling. I had his space almost cleaned out when the neighbor came out and said, "I'm going to plow that later and I can plow a spot for your husband." I said, "Well, he's on his way home now, and since our driveway is plowed shut, I have to make a space for him now." Then he goes into the house and I finish shoveling all the heavy stuff away from the road and get to the lighter stuff. I was standing around waiting for my husband to show up so I could help him cover his car and the neighbor comes out of the house and yells, "You go on home and I'll get my plow out now."

Weeeee! I'm finished NOW.

As I'm standing there waiting for my husband, another neighbor comes up over the hill, passes me, then backs up and says, "If you move, I'll plow you a spot." Sigh.

Where were all you plow guys fifteen minutes ago?!

Anyway, it was nice of them to help out...after the fact.

Here's the lesson for the day, ladies: when you have a lot of shoveling to do, and there are men in the neighborhood with plows on their trucks, shovel a tiny bit at a time and just stand there, leaning against your shovel looking helpless and blonde.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

hey soul sister ain't that mister mister on the radio


I am once again I am a sugar free me. And I. HATE, IT.

I hate everything about it except for the fact that my joints feel so much better. But mostly I feel like I'm being punished for something and I can't have anything sweet or good in my life!!!!

GRRRRRRRR....

Going without sugar is like PMS'ing 24/7. In other words, the people are me around me are suffering as much as I am. HA! I almost feel sorry for them.

I was going to open a can of beets to have with my burger tonight at suppertime, and I glanced at the label to check the ingredients, positive that I was going to see "beets, water". Those assholes at DelMonte added salt and SUGAR to beets. As if they aren't sweet enough. Thanks, DelMonte. One more thing I can't have.

An odd thing I noticed is whenever I go "sugar free," I begin craving fats, and I have no idea why. I crave things like bacon--real bacon, not that turkey crap. But I don't like it fully cooked. I crave that fatty part. Weird. I swear I could eat two of those bacon sandwiches from Tony's in one sitting. Minus the buns, of course! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

My husband said, "You must be missing something."

I said, "What? Fat? Hell, I'm trying to get RID of that! That's the whole point of going sugar free."

Saturday, February 06, 2010

since we've no place to go let it snow let it snow let it snow


I was in a VERY deep sleep this morning at 3 a.m. when my husband shook me awake. This is it, I thought, the 3 a.m. booty call!

WRONG.

It was the 3 a.m. help me shovel my car out of a snowdrift call.

Damn. So close and yet so far away.

WARNING: don't EVER offer to help someone shovel. They will take you up on it, regardless of the ungodly hour.

We got almost two feet of snow out of Snowmagedden, and of course, the damn cats HAD to go outside. It was rather comical to watch their reactions when I opened the laundry room door and they were met with a wall of snow. One cat decided to jump OVER the snow and dropped right down into it. She came flying out of the snow pile and right back into the house, thoroughly insulted that nature dared to diss her that way.

I didn't think we were going to get as much snow as they were predicting. Actually it was hard to tell what we were going to get since they kept upping the ante every time they gave the weather report. BUT like any conscientious person, I stocked up on all the essentials: cookie dough, diet Pepsi and Dove milk chocolates.

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

making a big pig of yourself

This is the sort of sandwich you eat in the parking lot of the ER. You know, to save yourself the drive after your arteries clog....

Scary thing is it's a REAL sandwich at Tony's I-75 restaurant in Birch Run.


slip out the back, jack

Sometimes it's sad what we women do to ourselves. It's sad how we fool ourselves and put blinders on.

Ladies, if a guy tells you he doesn't want the word "fidelity" in your marriage vows and that he "fears" he won't be able to stay true to you, BELIEVE HIM.

He is not being "brave and sweet". He is being HONEST. Ironic that a cheater would be honest, but there ya go.

But not like he wasn't waving a big ole red flag along the way.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

for the love of pete, what's wrong with me?!

I have been eating baby dills like they are going out of style the last few days.

WHAT is wrong with me?!

And let me just extend my heartfelt condolences to the parents of all the baby dills I've killed and consumed this week.

On the upside.....your kids were delicious.

i believe that you can rescue me

As I come to the end of season five of Rescue Me, I have to wonder if this entire season is a dream? Or a bad joke. Tommy is able to get his entire family drinking again in one evening, including his staunchest anti-drinking alley, Father Mickey? Makes no sense.

I was LMAO when both Shelia and Janet told Tommy they'd have sex with him "no strings attached" and he was dumb enough to believe it. For a supposedly "rugged" fireman, it amazes me how pussy whipped this guy is. It also amazes me that he's never short on cash. I never knew the FDNY paid so well.

One high point of season five was the introduction of Maura Tierney's character. She's the fireman's version of a badge bunny, going after any of the firemen she can get. I hear she might be back next season.

And I'm willing to bet $ that the woman Jimmy had an affair with was Janet.

BTW, does anyone know what happened to Michael J. Fox's character? I don't think he added a damn thing to the show, but suddenly he was gone. Maybe I missed a show, but I don't remember them explaining his absence.