Tuesday, October 19, 2010

want you to make me feel like i'm the only girl in the world

If I've learned anything from being forced to sit through The View in my chiropractor's office, I thought I learned that there was nothing worse than listening to four women yakking about their lives.

I was wrong.

Today I learned that worse than listening to four women yak about their lives is listening to SIX women yak about their lives. Such is the misery known as The Talk.

Did daytime tv--or any time tv, for that matter--really NEED another talk show? Do we need yet another venue for  actors to pimp their movies or their books or their jewelry or their clothing line?

NEVER have I been so grateful to have a daytime job. Thank You, Lord!

Monday, October 18, 2010

you can pick your nose but you can't pick your relatives

I swear some of my relatives are on dope.

And not the good stuff. I'm talking really cheap crappy dope because they do incredibly dopey things.

Take my niece, for instance. She never bothered to acknowledge the money that I sent when her son was born or that I'd even sent any, and yet today she emails me and asks me to vote for him in some goofy "cute baby" contest. As if cute isn't in the eye of Mom and Dad.

I'm thinking, "Gurl, WTH are you smoking even asking me this?!" As IF I'm going to take time out of my day and vote for this kid.

So I sent the link to Female Offspring #1 pointing out the audacity of this chick and she emails back saying, "I went to that site........and voted for a much cuter baby."


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

i'm blonde and i'm pissed and i'm not gonna take it anymore!!

I was checking my email earlier this evening when I, oh so innocently, glanced over to some pictures of attractive men to the right of my mail pane. The ad said, "Meet seniors in your area".

Now I've always been a fan of older men, no surprise there, but when I saw the AGES of these SENIOR MEN, I wanted to SPIT NAILS!!

Their ages were 50, 53 and 55!!!! WTF?! That's not "senior", stupid people who own this dating service!

50's are the PRIME OF YOUR LIFE! Just ask anybody in their 50's!!

Only a twelve year old pimply dweeb would think otherwise. And that's probably who owns the service...some mega rich, pimply twelve year old. 


Monday, October 11, 2010

it pays to keep your thumb on the pulse of America

The outfit to the left was designed by Tina Knowles aka Beyonce's Mommy and part of the "Miss Tina" collection currently on sale at WalMart.

I must say Ms. Knowles has...(sing this next part)...NAILED IT!!

This is EXACTLY the sort of outfit your typical WalMart shopper would wear. I bought one and I plan to wear it tomorrow night when I take the kids to the pumpkin patch/corn maize. Then I'm going to slap on a long black wig and go as Elvira to the Halloween party that follows. I won't even have to change my clothes. 

Now that is WalMart convenience!

*slams head against keyboard*

When I hear the phrase "the children are our future" I get afraid.

Very. Afraid.

One of the early twentysomethings that works for us called me and wanted to know "why the fuck" her paycheck was "getting smaller and smaller when I'm working the same hours every week".  When I tried to explain to her that working TEN FRIGGING HOURS IN TWO WEEKS wasn't exactly the way to get a good check, she began arguing with me about how she deserved her three month raise because she started four months ago, as if that paltry raise is going to save her from having to do more work.

Let's ignore the facts that she did not show up for all her scheduled shifts in her 90 day trial period, she NEVER turned the time sheets in on time,  she NEVER got coverage for the shifts she wanted off, she called up and swore at me on the phone as if I was somehow cheating her out of well deserved money, and focus on her start date issue instead. She insisted she began four months ago, even though I told her I had her first pay stub IN MY HAND and I gave her the date she started with the company, which was only two months ago. She swore up and down that she "could guarantee" she had a pay stub from four months ago, and that she had called her bank and they were going to give her the date of her deposit. THEN to add total insult to injury after I took the time to look up all her information and call her, she gets into an argument with the person in the house with her and FRIGGING HANGS UP ON ME!

As for her hours and the "mystery" of her quickly shrinking check, she worked one 44 hour pay period, then decided that job was too much for her, so next she had a 14 hour pay period and then a 10 hour pay period. Now gee, how much of an Einstein do you have to be to figure out why her paycheck was going lower with every work week?!

The upside of all this? She's going to the MILITARY and I can't WAIT for the instructors to get their hands on her!

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I'll leave both of my sites open for 24 hours and if anyone wants an invite, just drop a comment with your email on this post and it won't be printed.