No, no that horrible thing pictured to the left...
I ordered dental picks on Amazon and I spent the last fifteen minutes cleaning the tartar/plaque off my teeth. Mostly it collects around the front and back of my bottom front teeth. From eye tooth to eye tooth. But they're sparkly clean now! I love it!
Now I'm going to charge the offspring $25 to do their teeth. I'll save by undercutting my dental hygienist 50%.
I haven't had my teeth cleaned professionally in two years--yaya, shuddup about that 'every six months' bull shit--but I have to go to the dentist on Friday to get my cap impression made and I KNOW that jackass is going to look at my chart first thing and ask me when I've had my teeth cleaned last. As if he can't READ.
I HATE going, so when I don't HAVE to go, I don't. But I should have my teeth cleaned after I pay the thousand bucks for this doggone tooth, and I *probably* will.
When I lost a cap a few weeks back, the hygienist said, "Are you getting your teeth cleaned somewhere else?"
Yes, I'm seeing another hygienist behind your back, dipshit.
Good Lord, I can't stand going to HER, let alone ANOTHER hygienist. Think about it, IF I was going somewhere else, why would I be sitting in her chair?
She said, "Oh you just haven't had them cleaned in a long time?" I thought, "Hmmm, if you can't tell from looking at them, then they mustn't look too bad."
She's freaking annoying because she's one of these people who will try to get you to schedule your NEXT appointment before she's even cleaned your teeth for your CURRENT appointment. Plus the last time she cleaned my teeth, she kept me there for FORTY FIVE MINUTES yammering on and on about her past love life. ASK ME IF I GIVE A SHIT. I am so nervous in the chair that you could talk to me about a new technique that GUARANTEED mind blowing orgasms and I WOULDN'T. GIVE. A. SHIT. The worst part is that she's one of these people who don't have the ability to work and talk at the same time, so every time she recalled some sappy romantic moment from the past, she sat back and gazed at the ceiling as she talked. GUH!
I also only have one Valium left and that worries me. Last time I took 2 and a half Valium, total of 12.5 milligrams, I was so anxious, I never felt a thing. I think I need a damn horse tranquilizer to get me through this.
It's the DRILLING that gets to me: the sound echoing in my head, the sensations, the metal smell, that water spraying onto my face as the drill bores into my teeth. ICK!
The most bizarre thing about my dentist? He has these idiotic airplane mobiles dangling above our heads like all of his patients are five years old. I just want to reach up and yank the damn things down, and then tell him it was an "accident." He USED to have this really stupid wall paper in front of the chairs that took up the entire wall and looked like you were ready to walk down a path through the forest. I thought I was a piss poor interior decorator...
So my question is this: is there anyone on this planet, anyone in the blogosphere who does NOT get scared when they have to go to the dentist and what is your strategy? I've tried hypnosis cds, EFT and Valium/Xanax and I still get all worked up when I think about it. I'd drink myself into a stupor but I'm afraid my breath might offend the dentist.