Saturday, May 01, 2010

i'm coolsville, Daddio

I'm disgusted.

Today was one of those days where I laid around allllll day, reading romance novels, eating Dove Silky Smooth Milk Chocolate Promises and drinking Diet Pepsi.

No, that's not the part that disgusted me.

After today, I'm firmly convinced I need more bedrooms in this house. Even though we bought a LazyBoy recliner and a LazyBoy reclining couch, they have this heavy material on them that is HELLA HOTT in the summer. Yes, it's worse than the velour couch we used to have. The one that lasted 27 years because no one really knows what velour is really made of. I'm sure that when the end of the world comes, velour couches will continue to litter the world along with cock roaches and Keith Richards.

Anyhew, there's no laying in the living room when it's hott and I want to read. So dog and I moved into my bedroom. I read there for a few hours and a few Diet Pepsi's. Suddenly it seemed as if I had sucked the cool out of the room.

So the dog and I went into Mr. G's room to read. Ok, to be fair, I was reading. The dog was playing a paw held video game. But it wasn't long before we had sucked the cool out of that room and I was antsy to move to another bedroom. Alas, I don't HAVE another bedroom. Ok, I have a computer room that COULD hold a twin sized bed if I had one. I was disgusted because in the romance novel I was reading the heroine had a house with THIRTY SIX ROOMS in it! I could go read in a different room every few hours and no one would ever find me! Except dog.

It was at this point that I told Mr. G we needed a bigger house and more bedrooms so I could go from room to room, reading and sucking, reading and sucking.

At first, he enthusiastically agreed. Until he realized I meant "sucking the COOL" out of the room. Then he was all, "Go back to your own room or buy a stronger fan!"

Great solution, Mr. Solution Man!!


BRUNO said...

Go out and buy you a 60-gallon stock-watering tank, like they use for waterin' cattle. Set it up outside, in a semi-shaded spot. Fill it with the garden-hose about halfway, so's it comes just to the bottom of your "Mae-Wests" when you sit down.(Remember the sunscreen!) Now, enjoy your book, AND keep the dog hydrated at the same-time!

Most of all, enjoy all the new friendly-neighbors who'll find you.

And, enjoy the FREE ringside entertainment, as Mr. G. proceeds to whomp the shit outta the more "feeling"-men!(Maybe even a WO-man, or two as well?)

Ahh, those lazy, hazy days of summer, indeed.....!

*Goddess* said...

Yeahhhh, did I forget to mention I'm usually buck nekkid when I'm roaming from room to room? Hence, the pass on the LazyBoys. That material sticks to muh butt like fresh tar on a newly paved road.

BRUNO said...

Whoa---COOL!!! REALLY!!!

Well, in THAT case: Buy a 120-gallon model. More privacy, an' the dog would fit, too!

And La-Z-Boys' ain't worth a shit for cuttin' a good-cheesy fart in, either.

Did that once, an' almost blew the O-ring outta ma' ass, as in (w)hole...☺!

BBC said...

Funny post, just two years ago you was whining about how cold it was that winter. Did you ever buy that Amish fireplace?

I have a good 100 gallon stock tank, it's great and I love getting naked in the yard.

It never gets real hot or cold here but when it is hot (to us) I spend a fair amount of time reading under the apple tree.

*Goddess* said...

No, a friend of mine talked me into getting an EdenPure so we're going to get one of those for the winter. Just as soon as I get back to work. She said she uses hers all the time and it didn't raise her electricity bill much, which was my main concern.