Saturday, May 29, 2010

it has been a FABULOUS week!

My Kia repairs = $289
My Kia inspection= $45
Mr. G's Ford's inspection and repairs =$165
My root canal=$300
Grand total $ OUT this week=$799 just a little less than what we take in for an ENTIRE MONTH.


No fucking wonder people are going broke in this county.

Kendra's sex tape

I think the most shocking thing about Kendra's sex tape is the guy she did it with. Major EWWWWW! Worse yet? Dude left his fucking socks on. Nothing screams "NERD!!" like a guy having sex in his tube socks.

I can understand his motivation for releasing the tape: there's no one on the planet who is going to believe that HE did it with Kendra unless they see the proof.

I can understand why she's pretending to be all upset about it: because she slept with HIM, AND she let him record it for all eternity. Nope, there's no way for her to EVER get over that image of him munching between her legs.

Even more I understand why her husband said she had to "hold her head up high" when the tape was released: HE was embarrassed she slept with that guy, too!

Oddly enough, this guy was smart enough to follow the sex videotape rule of thumb: ONLY allow yourself to be videoed having sex with someone better looking than you are. Too bad Kendra didn't know it.

hmmm, could Billy have been a gunslinger in his youth?

Uh huh, fess up, Billy.
We know that's you on the cover
with your gun and your
cancer stick!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Kia update and/or a girl's guide to getting screwed without experiencing an orgasm

Ok, I got my sweet 'lil Kia back.

And while some people think only "idiots buy Kias," I know that I worked my ass off working 12 and 14 hour days, and I made every single payment on that car myself. I didn't buy a car that was too damn expensive for me and default on my loan, I bought a brand new car that I could afford. Maybe the real issue here is not me being an idiot, but American car manufacturers being greedy with their big gas guzzlers and their expensive cars. Or as Einstein would say, FUCK OFF.

The backing plate on the driver's side rear brake was completely bent. So much so that the pad had come completely off. So she got new rear brake shoes, they unbent the plate, new rear wheel cylinders, and some power steering fluid. All of that cost a mere $288. Oh, and fifty two cents. $109 for parts and a friggin' 162 for labor.

Now we only have to figure out why my power steering fluid was low in the first place.

drop dead diva

Billy, you'll want to skip this post. Just jump into your car with the "I heart camping," the "I'd rather be camping" and the "my other car is a camper" bumper stickers on it and go camping. That will save you from having to post your "go get a job," "I don't watch tv, I don't know what you're talking about" and "you watch too much tv" comments. Just thinking of you.

Ok, so over the weekend between looking for a job, cooking, cleaning, worshiping at the feet of my husband and hunting for big game animals to feed my family (does that cover everything I should be doing, Billy? Yeah, cuz I know you're still reading even though I SPECIFICALLY told you not to and even thought I put the warning in BOLD PRINT!), I watched five episodes of the first season of Drop Dead Diva on Hulu. (In case you're interested, the entire season is available there until June 6th.)

If you haven't seen the show (and we know you haven't, Billy) it's basically a shallow minded, thin girl in the body of a smart, hard working fat girl. Fat girl gets shot, skinny girl dies on the way to an audition to be a Price is Right model and she ends up in the body of the fat girl.

While I love the premise--I think it's a novel idea and very clever--I have 2 problems with the show:

A. I wish they had given us an almost entire episode with Jane's character before Deb took over her thoughts. We have no idea what Jane was really like before the switch, so we don't know how different she seems to her co-workers now. We were able to glean bits and pieces of her character when Jane went back to her old apartment--the HUGE portrait of her with her cat over the couch was hilarious!--but she basically stayed in one room and the scene was brief. We got that she collected plates and loved cats. That's it. I would liked to have seen Jane in action at home, her job, with friends, etc., so we could see how different Jane is/was before Deb "arrived".

B. It PISSES ME NO END that they show Jane (Brooke Elliot) aka the fat one, EATING garbage junk food all the time. I think she's been eating in every episode I've seen so far. I don't see the skinny girls eating donuts, cupcakes, pizza or malted milk balls. I saw one skinny guy pick up a piece of licorice, but I don't know that he ever took a bite. Way to reinforce the stereotype that overweight people sit around bingeing on junk food every day.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

here's a time waster for ya

So here I am.........a real M&M Goddess!

<--It's strange because my real glasses are EXACTLY like these!

Thanks for sending, BG! Make yourself into an M&M.

Friday, May 21, 2010

i gots a problem and her name is Kia

My sweet 'lil Rio is at the garage and I don't know what's wrong with her.

I like to post these sorts of things because I know Bruno will guess what's wrong with her and probably how much it will cost me. And he's usually dead on right!

Ok, here's the problem: I backed her out of the garage and she was fine. Then I started to drive forward, slowly and put my foot on the brake. When I did that the rear driver's side wheel locked up.

So, what's my problem and how much is it going to cost me? LOL....

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

get real

Bristol Palin is asking for anywhere between $15k-$30k for SPEAKING FEES?

How long does it take to say, "Don't do what I did, keep your legs together"?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

sorry but i'm not the least bit surprised a guy came up with this lame ass idea

Ok, first let me say I HATE Comedy Central vids because they load them up with a TON of extra junk that I DON'T CARE ABOUT.

That having been said, here's the damn link since I can't figure out how to get rid of all the other code.

If you're this desperate to get guys to attend church, why not just show what they really want to see? Porn. Porn for Jesus.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

and it's too late, baby, now it's too late

We're having some sort of ethnic festival in my neck of the woods later on this year and there was a big piece about it in the newspaper, mentioning the "GRAMMY AWARD WINNING" group that will be here.

They neglected to say the last time this particular group won a Grammy was about 14 years ago.

Party on with your bad self.

has anyone else noticed....

..that the 18 oz $3.99 size of Oreo Cookies has been downsized to the 11 ounce $2.25 size, and that the three sleeves of cookies is now two?

Has anybody else noticed that the filling in the Oreo Cookies is now so sparse that when you try to suck the filling out the cookie breaks, and that the amount of filling in the Double Stuff is what they used to have in the regular Oreo Cookies?

And has anyone else been crying and wailing, and losing sleep over this?

Yeah, me neither.

Carry on.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

i'm coolsville, Daddio

I'm disgusted.

Today was one of those days where I laid around allllll day, reading romance novels, eating Dove Silky Smooth Milk Chocolate Promises and drinking Diet Pepsi.

No, that's not the part that disgusted me.

After today, I'm firmly convinced I need more bedrooms in this house. Even though we bought a LazyBoy recliner and a LazyBoy reclining couch, they have this heavy material on them that is HELLA HOTT in the summer. Yes, it's worse than the velour couch we used to have. The one that lasted 27 years because no one really knows what velour is really made of. I'm sure that when the end of the world comes, velour couches will continue to litter the world along with cock roaches and Keith Richards.

Anyhew, there's no laying in the living room when it's hott and I want to read. So dog and I moved into my bedroom. I read there for a few hours and a few Diet Pepsi's. Suddenly it seemed as if I had sucked the cool out of the room.

So the dog and I went into Mr. G's room to read. Ok, to be fair, I was reading. The dog was playing a paw held video game. But it wasn't long before we had sucked the cool out of that room and I was antsy to move to another bedroom. Alas, I don't HAVE another bedroom. Ok, I have a computer room that COULD hold a twin sized bed if I had one. I was disgusted because in the romance novel I was reading the heroine had a house with THIRTY SIX ROOMS in it! I could go read in a different room every few hours and no one would ever find me! Except dog.

It was at this point that I told Mr. G we needed a bigger house and more bedrooms so I could go from room to room, reading and sucking, reading and sucking.

At first, he enthusiastically agreed. Until he realized I meant "sucking the COOL" out of the room. Then he was all, "Go back to your own room or buy a stronger fan!"

Great solution, Mr. Solution Man!!