Thursday, March 11, 2010

we are family, no thanks to child protective services, i've got all my offspring with me

I'm a little pissed off at the offspring right now because someone keeps slapping a "Extra Wide Load" sticker on the back of my Hoveround.

Speaking of the offspring, when people find out I have 16 offspring, the most oft repeated comment is: "Goddess, I don't have the patience to deal with 16 kids!" If I had a quarter for every time I heard that statement, I'd be sixty two cents richer.

Relax, Ladies, patience is not a requirement.

When they're pre-teens, you need a working TV/DVD player, a steady stream of DVD's and lots of mind numbing drugs (for you, not them). When they're in their teens, they'll have access to lots of drugs (still for you, and you might get a discount buying in bulk) so it all evens out.

And there are lots of creative ways to save money when you have a big family. Take Halloween, for instance. I only buy four costumes--two male/two female, and I make them trick or treat in shifts. The costume is always something very generic--like a sheet ghost and I DON'T cut eye holes in the sheet. That way you can use the sheet on their bed. I make one of the other "sighted" offspring guide them along. One year Female Offspring #2 led Male Offspring #4 right into a ditch. Meh, he was asking for it.

I'm also a very loving mother, so I go through all of their treat bags and remove things that might have razors in them, like Snicker Bars, 3 Musketeer Bars and Milky Way bars. I leave in the healthy snacks like apples and pears, making it a win/win for ...well, me.


Shrinky said...

Aw, I feel your pain. If I had a penny for every time I begged social services to put mine up for adoption.. sigh.

*Goddess* said...

Yeah, what's up with that?!