Sunday, February 14, 2010

roses are red, violets are blue, I couldn't think of a post title, this will have to do

OMG. I hate it when teachers give little kids assignments like writing poems on the "roses are red" theme for Valentine's Day. Don't they know the majority of little kids have zero talent when it comes to stuff like this? Don't they know they make their parents suffer through one bad poem after another? Don't they know I'm going to make you suffer as well?

Here are a few gems Male Offspring # 6 came up with:

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar gives you cavities so brush your teeth after every meal. Crest is ok."

Sigh. Four out of five dentists would love that one. But clearly he just wasn't getting the gist of poetry.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I eat boogers, do you?"

Okkkkkkkkkkkk, then....

"Roses are red, my dog is a mutt, I eat Cheerios, geez, you have a big butt."


"Roses are red, bananas are yellow, I want you to be my Valentine, but you smell-o."

Like fingernails down a chalk board.

"Roses are red, rocks are hard, I hate poems, here's your crappy card."

Awwww, FINALLY the true romantic in him comes out!

I have a big box of homemade cards from the offspring and last night I sat on the floor of my bedroom and read through them. They used to be so sweet. "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're so sweet, how could I not love you?" Now they're like thinly veiled death threats. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I want that iPod or it's curtains for you. And Daddy, too."



BRUNO said...

Some of the "lines" on those valentines of MY childhood sounded more like the stuff of todays' perverts and molesters.

And WE traded 'em "All in the name of FUN, and FRIENDSHIP!"

"I want YOU for MY Valentine!"

*Goddess* said...

I always remember Ralph's from The Simpsons, "I choo choo choose you!" LOL

BRUNO said...

That's EXACTLY the kind I'm talkin' about!

Shrinky said...

He's gonna' make someone a great boyfriend/stalker one day. Hubby made up a verse for me year, if I wasn't a dependant I'd have had him arrested.