Friday, January 29, 2010


Stop whatever you're doing right now and rush right outside. Ok, you better finish reading this post first to find out WHY you're going out there. And yes, you lazy asses can stick you stick your head out the window, and check out the moon.

This is the first full moon of 2010, known in the Native American culture as a "wolf moon".

Tonight's moon is the biggest and brightest of the year.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

oh, NO!

The author of my favorite book in the whole wide world---besides Little Black Sambo--has died. He died of natural causes in Cornish, NH.

He passed away at the age of 91 before I had a chance to interview him!


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

R.I.P, Pernell

Pernell Roberts has passed away. Wow, I can't believe he was 81! It seems like you get stuck in a time warp and you remember these folks as they were on TV. You forget time moves on. I always thought he was so handsome and sexy and rugged, especially compared to that pussy Little Joe.

Friday, January 22, 2010

(not so) Funny People

I received the movie Funny People from Netflix on Thursday. I opened the envelope and the first thing I noticed was that the movie was TWO HOURS AND TWENTY SIX MINUTES long.

I can barely stand to see Adam Sandler in a thirty second commercial, let alone an almost two and a half hour movie. Don't even ask me why I ordered this movie. I said DON'T ASK, damn it! Ok, I guess because Sandler was stomach-able in Bedtime Stories. And it looked rather interesting.


The first hour and a half of the movie WAS interesting. But then when Sandler realized he wasn't going to die the whole movie went to hell in a hand basket. Ironic, huh? You'd think it would have been the other way around, but no, it started sucking the minute we realized he was going to live. Wait, on second thought, that makes perfect sense for a Sandler movie.

Sandler played George Simmons a big deal comedian, who was dying . Yaya, for the first half of the movie anyway. He hired Ira Wright (Seth Rogan) to write jokes for him. And be in some sort of strange bromance. Simmons said all of his goodbyes and made all of his apologies to his family and ex-love of his life, Laura, played by Leslie Mann. Laura was married with two kids at this point in time, but she forgave him.

When Simmons realized he wasn't dying, he went after Laura and tried to persuade her to pick up their relationship where they left off, but it was painfully obvious he wasn't into the whole kids scene. Laura slept with him (this all occurred in one afternoon) then told him she was going to kick her husband out and move closer to him.

In the end, George fired Ira, Laura stayed with her husband (Eric Bana) and kids, and Seth Rogan laughed uncomfortably throughout the entire movie as only Seth Rogan can do.

On a positive note, I did like Jonah Hill in this movie.

Funny People was not so funny.

"clean up on aisle three"

I was at work today and the lady I take care of asked me to mop her kitchen floor. Now this woman is a TAD frugal. And when I say "frugal" I mean "cheap as all get out". She has one of those OLD, OLD, OLD floor mops. I don't know what the strings are made of, but it's not cotton fibers. It has more of a rubbery feel to the "strings". I can remember having them at home when I was little. I couldn't find a picture of them on the internet, though.

[I'm sure some of you old geezers--yes, Bruno, I mean you--will know what it's made of. I swear you should start an "Ask Bruno" page. I know I have plenty of questions. LOL!]

Anyway, she says to me, "Should I buy a new mop?"

I said, "No. I don't think you should rush into the 21st century. Take your time."

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

There might have been a time when I would give myself away

I was on the way to work today and I heard this song that I really liked, called "What Do You Want From Me?"

I thought, "Hmm, which female singer is that? The voice is kinda deep, so maybe it's Pink? Avril Lavigne?"

Close. It was Adam Lambert....

quoth the Raven, "Mind your own damn bidness!"

I was reading an article about the mystery visitor to Edgar Allen Poe's grave. This person(s?) has been coming for 60 years and leaves three roses and a half bottle of cognac. I can only assume they drink other half of the cognac while driving to the cemetery and the florist. Now I know what you're thinking: Goddess, who the hell is the lucky recipient of the 30 bottles of Cognac all these years, cuz it's exactly what I was thinking!

What cheesed me off even more than knowing some lucky person was getting all this free booze, was the fact that there were a group of people waiting to see this person. And yet, they were completely clueless as to why the visits might have stopped. What's worse is that they plan to continue the vigil for two or three more years, thus effectively driving the person underground.

My guess is the person decided to drink the entire bottle of cognac this year while screaming, "Screw Poe! He's dead anyway! He'll never miss this delicious cognac!" Oh, wait that's what I said I would do. Never mind....

Why can't we let the person have their privacy? Obviously they thought enough of Poe to do this for over 60 years, so it was very personal to someone. Butt out, people, and get a life. Maybe you could start a new tradition by leaving some cognac and flowers on the stoop in front of my trailer? I promise I won't be the least bit interested in your identity if you do.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

you load 16 tons and what do you get?

One of the women I take care of fell and broke her hip, so she'll be in the hospital and getting care for several weeks IF she can survive all the stress. She's been in really bad health and she belonged in the hospital weeks ago, and it irks me when family ignores this sort know....CRITICAL HEALTH INFORMATION. Sometimes I find dealing with family is like talking to a brick wall. You try to tell them what you're seeing from experience because the elderly, for the most part, go through the same stages as their journey comes to an end. Their bodies break down in much the same way, but for the family, it goes in one ear and out the other. For some, they're in denial. For others, they're afraid getting more help might cost them some money. The funny thing is that the people who can ill afford more help are the ones more willing to scrimp and save to get it, while the people who can well afford it are tightfisted and stingy about it.

I sincerely hope my client does get better because she was wonderful to take care of. I hated the smoking, I'll admit that, but personality wise, she was great. For eleven months, she shared with me her thoughts on her family, her travels and her life growing up. She introduced me to the Real Housewives and reality TV, and I'll miss the time I spent with her. One thing I will remember about her is that she ALWAYS thanked me for everything I did for her. Even if it was just helping her get into her pajamas at night. And I, in turn, am grateful that I had the chance to get to know her.

THANKFULLY, I had two jobs, so I still have one income, even though her family is threatening to put her in a home. Kids, when your parents get older, don't hold "putting them into a home" like the Sword of Damocles over their head. Just like it made us afraid to be threatened when we were little, it scares them, too, because suddenly they're dependent on you and afraid of what their world holds. I see this all too often, and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Ok, getting off my soapbox....

It was almost one year ago that I started the job I lost today, and I was working seven nights a week. The upside is I'll have some evening time to myself, I won't have to make four trips a day and I won't have to be out at night in bad weather. The downside makes itself known on pay day...

whoa! he TOTALLY gets it!

i see a bad moon risin'

My husband was walking up the steps ahead of me. We had eaten supper and he was carrying his dessert and tea upstairs to drink while he watched the news.

Unfortunately, he didn't bother to hitch up his pants before he started up the stairs and with every step he took, his pants inched down.

I could NOT resist.

I yelled, "There's going to be a full moon tonight!" and gave him pants a good yank.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I *used* to like Brian Williams

I was flipping channels tonight and I saw a bit of the NBC Nightly News. Brian Williams was in Haiti reporting on the earthquake.

He said something along the lines of, "It's not too often anyone can muster a smile around here, let alone a little boy who just lost his home."

It showed the small boy smiling for the camera, hopefully oblivious to all that he'd lost. Then Brian Williams says to the boy's adult companion, "Ask him what happened to his home."

WTH? The child was experiencing a moment of joy, and Williams had to take that away. If you make the boy cry on camera, does that make for a better story? Possibly a journalism award? Brian Williams ought to be ashamed of himself.

speaking of Conspiracy Theories....

Have you seen Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura?

Here's a conspiracy theory for you: why does that chick that works with Ventura call him "Governor" when he hasn't been a governor since 2003?

Why doesn't she call him Jesse "The Body" Ventura?!

Friday, January 08, 2010

dawn of the dinosaurs

Watched Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs tonight. Sid steals three baby dinosaur eggs and Mama Dinosaur comes to find them. She takes Sid along with her babies back to her home and the Ice Age gang follows, trying to find Sid.

John Leguizamo was funny as Sid the sloth. He saved a turkey from being eaten by baby dinosaurs by grabbing him and running to the edge of the cliff. "Go, fly! Be free!" He tosses him off the cliff, then adds, "Little flightless bird..."

Simon Pegg was very good as mad weasel Buck Wild, telling the possums stories of how he met the monster Rudy.
The Possums: "Were you killed?"
Buck Wild: "Sadly, yes. But I lived."

But the funniest part of this Ice Age was trying to imagine Queen Latifah and Ray Romano having a baby together...

ain't it the trufh?

Thursday, January 07, 2010

oh the carnage

It's bad enough that Kristie Alley is trying another time to make money off of being fat with her reality show about losing weight (again), now Carnie Wilson is stepping into the fray with HER reality show about losing weight (again), "Unstapled".

Forget it, Carnie. You garnered your attention when you made a huge deal out of your weight loss operation. Then you garnered attention using your weight when you were on Celebrity Fit Club. You don't get a third chance, sister. Wilson also wrote TWO autobiographies because everybody gets preachy after they lose weight. If only we had a quarter for every, "if I can do it, you can do it" uttered by a newly thin celeb.

Listen up, celebs: you only have TWO CHANCES to make money off of your fat: when you gain it and when you lose it. You can't keep gaining and losing and gaining and losing. Once you've gone on your "look at me in a bikini" tour and then gain weight, you become a fat schlub just like the rest of us, struggling to keep that weight off. You have nothing to teach us because you haven't learned the lessons yourself. You've lost us after the first "OMG! I can't believe how thin I am! I'll NEVER regain this weight because 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels'!" Yes, Oprah, I'm talking to YOU and your utter bullshit. So, celebs, if you lose weight, do yourself a favor and just shut up about it. Don't plaster yourself on the cover of Self Magazine, don't come out with your own line of weight loss products, and for God sakes, don't write a weight loss book. These things will only come back to haunt you the next time you're consoling yourself with a box of Twinkies.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

I am quite PIST (<--politically correct version)

My mother recently gave me something of my father's, and at the very time she gave it to me, suggested several times that I sell it to another relative, who is not a sibling. My siblings got the same gift, it was something very dear to my dad, the ONLY thing I have of my father's and they're all keeping their gift. But my mother is rather insistent I sell mine.

I'm so pissed about this I don't know which way to turn. My husband has often said my mother is the only one he knows who gives you a "gift" then tells you what to do with it or how to spend it.

I've always felt that my mother thinks it's okay for my siblings to have and enjoy nice things, but not me, and this is an attitude I struggle with every day. I have to remind myself at every twist and turn that I DO DESERVE GOOD in life. It totally sucks. I would think a mother would want good things for her offspring. I certainly do. I want my offspring to be as wealthy and educated and healthy as they can be. They can have the biggest, most opulent houses on the block if it is within their means. Good for them.

And my mother tries to make me feel guilty for anything nice I do have. As if I don't work shitty hours and two shitty jobs to pay for what I have. I remember a year or so after we got married, my husband bought a really pretty faux rabbit fur jacket. I loved that thing. It only cost about $75 but my mother went on and on about how we buy each other "such extravagant gifts". Unreal. She could suck the fun out of busload of clowns.

My mother has placed me one step above the thrift store more often than I can count, and it really bugs me. Sooo many times she'll call me and say, "I have such and such here for you to look through, then we're taking it to St. Vincent dePaul's." Meaning that at this point, all my siblings have looked through it and whatever crap is left--and I do mean 'crap'--is "good enough" for me.

If she gives me any money, she'll remind me for months and months about how she gave me the money and if she hadn't, I "wouldn't have anything." Even though, she gives the same money to my siblings and says nothing.

Is it any wonder WE HAVE ISSUES?!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

another head scratcher

I was listening to a hypnosis CD and the author has a very simple name, like Joe T. Smith.

But every time he says his name at the beginning of his CDs, he emphasizes the "T", as if he's afraid we're going to confuse him with Joe P. Smith, the hypnotist or Joe G. Smith, the hypnotist.

Why do we even need to know his middle initial?

Weird stuff like that has a tendency to distract me. As does shiny objects....

Friday, January 01, 2010