Tuesday, June 30, 2009

v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n in the summertime

Many of you who read my blog on a regular basis know that I have lots of children. In these tough economic times, one needs to .....economize. Hey, it's not my fault I'm not more creative! I couldn't afford a damn creative writing course because one of the offspring needed her allergy meds. If she'd stay away from our eight indoor cats like I've told her repeatedly, she wouldn't need those meds. Like Grandpa used to say, "Shake it off, shake it off."

Anywho, I try to save money by taking the offspring on seven day trips instead of one big, money sucking week's vacation. Remember last year's trip to the fair? Sure the kids bitched when they found out it was a diabetes fair, but not one of them turned down their free refrigerator magnet listing the symptoms of diabetes OR the laminated card showing their glucose level. I think that's way more fun than going to an actual county fair and getting cotton candy, candy apples and diabetes.

This year I planned an equally fun trip for our first day trip. (Stupid allergy meds!) A neighboring county opened a brand spanking new water filtration plant and was giving free tours.
At the end of the tour--took us longer to get out of the car--I said to the guide, "So this water is perfectly safe to drink?"
He said, "It certainly is. Would you like a free sample?"
I yelled, "KIDS! Get those empty gallon jugs out of the back of my car!"
We came home with sixteen one gallon free samples. Won't have to buy water for a month. See how easy it is to economize and have oodles of fun at the same time?

I'm already thinking ahead to the Christmas holiday season. I have my eye on a sweet little Blue Spruce that will look lovely in the corner of our living room. So three times a week I have one of the offspring sneak over to the neighbor's yard and feed it Miracle Grow. It's going to be grand when we sneak over there with our chainsaw. Ok, with the neighbor's chainsaw that we 'borrowed' from his unlocked shed.

Now I've given this a lot of thought, and I think if I follow my budget very closely, lie to my mother about the cost of her groceries and have the offspring steal from the fountain at the mall, I should be able to afford that creative writing class. Keep your fingers crossed!

she has spoken

Please read the following with a bored, snobby accent:

Paris Hilton, on blowjobs: "Eww, I never do that. My mother said only ugly girls have to get down on their knees and do stuff like that."

I believe that should read, "My mother said girls who marry hotel heirs have to get down on their knees and do stuff like that.....but only until you've had his kid and secured financial income for life. Then he'll get other girls to do it while you're out shopping."

Monday, June 29, 2009

i wanna rock with you

I was flipping channels today and I turned on The Michael Jackson channel formerly known as CNN Headline News.

They were having a news conference starring Joe Jackson and Al Sharpton. I don't know what was sadder: watching Al try to hog the spotlight or listening to Joe, who had just lost his son, ramble on about a new record company he was starting.

They reported that Katherine, Michael's "strong, loving" mother, had filed for custody of her grandchildren. It has also been WIDELY reported throughout Michael's life that Joe allegedly beat his children. I do NOT think a "strong, loving" mother would stand by and allow her children to be beaten like helpless animals, so I feel for these small children. I think their life is going to be hell of a different kind.

I also think this business about Katherine making a play for Michael's money and business interests is because Joe knows how bad it would look if HE did it. Obviously this woman can be manipulated.

Just my two cents.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

i can feel heart beat an you didn't even say a wordd

Michael Jackson's doctor is now claiming that Michael was alive when he found him. He said he detected a faint pulse and began performing CPR.

I was under the impression you are NEVER to perform CPR on someone who has any sort of heartbeat?

Anybody know?

well holy hell

Now Billy Mays has died!

Who's going to sell me my Orange Glo, which I LOVED!!!!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

what would you do for a Klondike bar?


The local grocery store had Klondike bars on sale for only $1.98 this week. AND they actually had several different kinds that were NOT Neapolitan, the favorite flavor of cheap people everywhere. The caramel pretzel? TO DIE FOR!!!

I had a Klondike for breakfast, one for lunch, and one for supper. I had a Klondike for mid-morning snack, afternoon snack and evening snack.

I wonder why I don't buy these more often because clearly I have lots of self-restraint...

Friday, June 26, 2009

stand by your man....NOT

May I just say that Jenny Sanford is a breath of fresh air. Not only did she NOT stand by her man like a total idiot while he fake cried about he hurt his family by having an affair with a woman in Argentina, she kicked his sorry ass to the curb and told him to stop talking to her.

When a reporter asked Mrs. Sanford what she thought about her husband's political career, she told them his 'career is not a concern of mine.' YOU ROCK, JENNY! BTW, reporter, very sensitive of you to ask her about the cheater's "career" as if that should be her main concern.

What caught my attention in the article about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford is that he spent seven days in Argentina. He said he spent five of those days crying. Must have spent the other two screwing her brains out.

If this was me, I'd spend seven of my days getting my brains screwed out, then start crying on the plane ride home. It's like Grandma always said, "More time crying is less time fucking," bless her heart.

BTW, we need to stop making politicians who have affairs resign. We know they're liars and cheats, and that it translates into the way they run their offices, but if we keep this up, there won't be anyone left in government.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

three strikes you're out

Wow.

It has been a day of celebrity deaths.

First Farah Fawcett and now Michael Jackson.

One blogger said they "would always remember where they were when Michael Jackson died". So will I. Sitting in front of the computer going, "Wow, Michael Jackson died!" And then thinking, "ohhhh, he has two or three small kids. Wonder who will raise them?"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"will give b.j.'s for food"....and not even really healthy food

Chase OFF the kids?! Hell, he probably had an audience in his front yard. Unless it was the porno music that scared them. That bow chicka bow chicka bow wow will scare even the hardiest of souls.

Hello, gullible people? The line forms to the left....

I can't say anything. I've given it up for Snicker bars. But ONLY the really big ones. Snicker bars, that is.

12 biggest lady douchebags. Hey, don't blame me. I didn't name it.

be afraid....be very afraid

Friday, June 26th is Take Your Dog To Work Day so I am taking my 'lil sweety petey to the old folks home with me. Sure she's bound to bite old people and gnaw on their old people slippers and chew on their old people canes, but I think she'll liven the place up. And think of the health benefits. The old people will get lots of good exercise running for their very lives.

I just can't WAIT for "Take Your Pig To Work Day"!!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

my favorite flower


Also, the only one I haven't managed to kill.

it's movie time once again

If you want to watch a mindless movie to pass the time, check out Bubble Boy starring Swoozie Kurtz and Jake Gyllenhal.

Jake plays a boy who was born with no immunities and has to live in a bubble the rest of his life. Swoozie is his controlling, Jesus freak, crazed mom and Kurtz plays the role to perfection. She's great.

Jake falls in love with the girl next door and when she goes to Niagara Falls to get married to her thug of a bf, Jake decides to follow. He meets up with an eclectic group of people who help him along the way.

The House Bunny was very silly and again, a movie that doesn't require much in the way of thinking. There was a funny scene in which a Beverly Hills cop finds Anna Faris living in her car. She tells him that she was evicted from the Playboy Mansion because she's '59 years old.' (In a previous scene, the Playboy chef tells her that she's '27 years old, and that's like 59 in bunny years.')

So the cop says, "I'm going to have to ask you to step out of your car and take a Breathalyzer test." She gets out and he says, "I'm going to need you to blow on this." She gets this really quizzical look on her face and says, "Really? Um...I ....ok." The cop turns to get the Breathalyzer off of his belt and when he turns back, Faris has dropped to her knees in front of him. LOL!

The next scene shows her in jail and the 'tutes are making fun of her. The one says, "You tried to do WHAT to a cop?!"
Faris says, "How was I to know? He was in uniform and everything!"

Next I started watching "Southland Tales". I haven't finished it and I don't know if I will. A dumber movie would be hard to find. One review suggested it was so damn clever you needed to watch it twice to 'get it'. Really? I can barely stand watching it once. No way in hell am I going to sit through that shit twice. It stars a strange mix of Mad TV folks and Saturday Night Live folks. Although Seann William Scott plays a helluva hott cop. One great line was when Amy Poehler was antaganizing Cheri Oterie about being a comedian. She yelled, "Just cuz it's 'live' doesn't mean it's funny!"

I also sat through a good portion of 'The Big Tease' starring Craig Ferguson. His Scottish accent is so hard to understand that I don't know if I'll finish it. He plays a hair dresser invited to an international hair contest in Los Angeles. He doesn't realize that he's only being invited to sit in the audience. After he finds out, he does everything he can to enter the competition. I had to put the movie on 'mute' several times and read the closed captioning to understand him. Ugh. Hate movies like that.

Next up: Secondhand Lions. Yes, FINALLY, Bruno:)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

keep it together in the family, they're a reminder of your history

This is the first year I won't be buying a Father's Day card or making "The Call".

I will admit, I hated making "The Call". My relationship with my dad was so strained in the later years that small talk was excruciating, and it usually consisted of him asking how my car was doing, then putting my mother on the phone. Or, the more popular:
Me: "Hi, Dad, I called to wish you a Happy Father's Day."
Him: "Thanks, here's your Mother."
Good times. Good times.
Because Mr. G's relationship with his dad was somewhat similar to mine, after we were married, we used to goad each other into making "The Call".
Me: "Did you call YOUR dad?"
Mr. G: "Did you call YOURS? You go first."
Oy.

Mr. G's relationship with his dad used to vacillate between "you're an idiot" and "you know I love you and would do anything for you." At least he has that to hold onto. I never got that from my dad.

I tried to think back on my memories of my dad, but truth be told, I don't have that many. He worked hard and he always provided for us. He was always home at night, never drank or carried on. We always had a good home and nice clothes to wear, but emotionally? Eh, he wasn't too available in that area. And guess in what area I was the most needy as a little girl:)?

I grew up in the era of "Don't bother your father. He worked hard all day". To a little kid, that translates into "Dad can't be bothered with you." And my dad, like a lot of dads, spent the majority of their down time working in the garage, doing yard work, or at his work bench in the basement. We generally didn't spend time with him there, because he was more worried we were going to touch his stuff. Or God forbid, walk away with one of his prized Popular Mechanics magazines, which trust me, was highly unlikely.

If there was a problem in our house, usually it was solved by my mother. It only moved up to the next level--Dad--if Mom couldn't handle it. Then Dad would solve it with his 'magic belt'. That belt solved everything...in rapid time.

Not long ago, a friend of mine made a comment about "having" to go to lunch with her dad. She has no idea how envious I am of her. My father never took me to lunch or shopping, my father never took me--just me--to the movies, we never had any special moment that I can recall of him and I. Even when he walked me down the aisle, mostly I remember him being pissed that we arrived at the church too early. He never gave me any words of wisdom, never told me he loved me, never wished me well, just took my arm and did his duty. Every time I see a movie where the father says something special to the bride before he gives her to the groom, it makes my heart ache. Dads, say something special to your daughter on her wedding day, even if it's just "you look beautiful and I love you" because she will remember. My husband would try to talk to me about it and I'd say, "I don't care. I don't care what he thinks," but I did care, and it hurt like hell.

If you're a Dad, don't EVER take your relationship with your daughter for granted. Do something special with her every year. Have at least one day where you spend alone time with her and listen to her. Even if she's rolling her eyes at everything you say now, it still means something. If she's in college, tell her you want to drive up to see her and spend the day with her. And don't let her make excuses because girls will test you that way. They'll want to see if they matter so much to you that no excuse will deter you.

When Female Offspring #1 comes home to visit, I always make a point to let her and her dad go to supper or out to lunch alone. She doesn't get it now because she's had lots of lunches with Dad, but she will some day when he's gone. She'll have those moments to look back on that I don't have. Yes, something as simple as having lunch alone with Dad.

With every year that passes, I think this won't matter to me, but it hurts every bit as much. There was a little part of me that sealed off the 'Dad section' of myself so that I wouldn't be hurt by him anymore. A little part that strove to be indifferent to the things he said or didn't say. That worked fairly well until he had his stroke and his personality changed. Every time he'd yell at me, I felt like that little kid getting yelled at all over again.

About ten years ago, he and my mother were going on vacation and I visited hours before they departed. I impulsively said, "I love you, Dad," as I was leaving and he said, "Yeah." It hurt tremendously that he didn't say it back, and I never said it again.

I generally blab about everything going on in my life, but when he passed, I didn't mention it on my blog, because I spent so much time trying not to care, and I had gotten myself to the point where I didn't know what to say about him anymore. To most people I pretended we had a good relationship, because it was easier that way. I didn't even know if I wanted to acknowledge Father's Day today. Sometimes a catharsis doesn't feel all that great.

My dad was not the father I dreamed of having, and I'm equally sure I wasn't the daughter he dreamed of having. He made mistakes. I made mistakes. And neither of us knew how to undo those mistakes, but none of that makes getting through this first Father's Day any easier.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

bark if you don't like Jesus!

I actually got muh butt out of bed early this morning so I could do some laundry before work. My favorite household "chore" is hanging out laundry. Love it, love it, love it. I find it very relaxing and I love the fresh air scent on my sheets when I crawl into bed at night. Reminds me of Grandma....except there's no added whiskey and stale cigar smell.

There wasn't a soul around in the neighborhood, save the unemployed guy two doors down, who was probably busy calling everyone he knew to remind them that there were "no jobs to be found" and there "was no use even looking", right before he took off on his motorcycle for the day. So I had the dog outside with me, off her chain. She usually stays in the yard, unless God forbid, we see the mail truck, UPS truck or any vehicle with the words "built Ford tough" stamped on the side.

I was hanging sheets and an unfamiliar car pulled into my driveway. I spotted two good looking young men wearing suits. Oh shit.........Mormons.

I immediately began mentally calculating the distance between me, their car and the backdoor. Then I divided that answer by the fact that I hadn't exercised in two days and they were a good twenty five years younger than I was. Damn. No way was I going to make it. Curse these chubby legs of mine!!!!

They stepped out of the car and one held up his Bible and said, "We'd like to talk to you about Jesus."

I noted the exact moment those words reached my dog's ears. Her head went up, her fur ruffled and her tail went down. All of a sudden my possessive, 110 pound Lab, who had been loose and sniffing around in the bushes on the side of the house, came thundering into the back yard, barking her head off.

I never saw two kids move so fast in my life. Bless their skinny little legs. Apparently they exercised yesterday. Probably in much the same way they 'exercised' today: running away from dogs who hate Jesus. This is the second time she's chased away Bible thumpers. One time it was two female Jehovah Witnesses. They got off easy, though. The dog just growled loud enough for them to hear and they took off. Guess she wasn't in a running mood that day.

I don't know why my dog doesn't like Jesus. After all, she is a baptized Catholic. I'm guessing about the second time the offspring dunked her, screaming, "I baptize thee!" she decided organized religion wasn't for her.

At least these folks had the good sense to run like hell. They have several "beware of dog" signs where I work and even though I've only been there a few months, no less than four people have approached that dog in the front yard. ALL of them men, with their hands extended towards the wildly barking dog. How damn dumb do you have to be?! One guy told me he thought the signs were just a ruse. Wonder what he thought the angry dog barking in his face was? Two guys in a dog suit?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

get your goobers! the movie is about to start

When I say something, I mean it, damn it. Take yesterday, for instance. When I woke up, I told myself that I was NOT going to watch any TV or movies. I was going to spend my free time reading.

So yesterday I watched "Cops & Robbersons," "Swing Vote," "First Sunday" and "Double Indemnity." (Yes, the one with Edward G. Robinson;)

Swing Vote starred Kevin Costner and was about how a Presidential election came down to the vote of one man. It was downright comical (and scary;) how the candidates kept changing their views based on what Bud (Costner) said he was looking for from the next President.

Cops & Robbersons was funnier than I thought it would be. I almost skipped over it when I saw it was a Chevy Chase movie, but it was also a Jack Palance movie and I've always thought he was one hell of a sexy guy. Chevy Chase played this male version of a badge bunny, who loved everything cop. The guy next door was a counterfeiter and the cops moved in to keep his house under surveillance. One of Chevy Chases' kids thought they were a vampire and he attacked Jack Palance's character. Chevy Chase sat him down and said, "The vampire game was funny for a while, but now we're losing a lot of blood around the house so maybe we can try a new game?"
Chase was also a TV cop movie buff and a hilarious scene was when he was returning movies to the video store. He said, "I mentioned this before, but Volume 8 of Police Woman has 11 seconds missing off the end credits. Has anyone else complained?" The clerk said, "No one else have even rented it." LOL!

First Sunday starred Ice Cube and Tracy Morgan and Michael Beach, who you might remember as Doc from Third Watch. They were two down on their luck ex-cons who needed money quickly and decided to rob the local church. It was very funny.

Last week I saw Roman Holiday for the first time and it was interesting to see Double Indeminty, too. Gotta say, though, I think Barbara Stanwyck would be much better looking with dark hair and not that blonde hair. I also never realized Veronica Lake was a blonde. I always thought she had black hair.

what say you?


People are pissed because they think the current ad for Calvin Klein jeans depicts a young girl in a threesome. Personally, I think it depicts a young girl in a foursome as the third guy just couldn't fit on the couch.

Think it's going to far? I think Calvin Klein ads have ALWAYS gone too far.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

i ran i ran so far away

Coming home from work on an 80's Saturday night, I don't know what's funnier: hearing Elton John fight songs or Michael Jackson's songs about the girls in his life.

Friday, June 12, 2009

it's hip to be square

I was in a traffic jam today. For the uninitiated, a "traffic jam" in BoomFrick, Nowhere that means someone is backing up traffic by parking their car in the middle of the lane and jogging across the street to mail a letter in front of the post office.

I pulled up to the light and the guy in the car next to me was blaring the Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Now" and the guy next to me in the other lane was blasting "I Know You Want Me" by Pitbull. It was at that exact moment that my radio station chose to play "Me and You and A Dog Named 'Boo'."

I hate when that happens.

freedom, that's what i want now

Oprah has been coming under fire lately for the medical advice she's been giving on her show. Apparently she had Suzanne Somers on the show and she was talking about the natural hormones she uses.

Now I know Suzanne Somers isn't a doctor, but I have to applaud her for taking her health into her own hands, and making decisions based on her own research. Granted the average person could not afford the injections she's using, but that's her call.

What is frightening to me are some of the articles I've been reading about this. One author rebuked Sommers for her plant based hormones while touting big pharma's male HORSE URINE based hormone pills, such as Premarin. How anyone could possibly think a pill made from horse's urine is better for our bodies than something found naturally in plants is beyond me.

The doctors were pissed they couldn't get up on stage next to Somers and push their prescription based agenda, but the truth is that as far as women's health is concerned, conventional medical treatments have pretty much failed us. We've been told to take prescription hormone therapy for YEARS, then suddenly, OOOPS A DAISY! Prescription hormone therapy can cause even MORE health problems!

AP is running a four part series on the evils of herbs and alternative medicine. I'm wondering when their four part series on the evils of prescription drugs and big pharma will begin? They can interview people who died from conventional medical treatments and leave us with that "gosh, if only they had chosen another route" feeling, like they've done in all of their herb articles.

I'm not out to convince anyone that because I believe the more natural the substance you put in your body, the better, that you should believe that, too. The bottom line is it's your body and your health and you should have a choice in how you wish to maintain that health.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

lucky 13

Today I watched Lucky 13 and The Water Horse. The Water Horse was sweet & predictable but I was all out bawling at the end and yelling, "Jump the fence, Caruso! Jump the fence!"

Lucky 13 was cute. The story was about a guy who was trying to win the woman of his heart who he had never been able to approach romantically, so he went back to his old gf's to find out what he did wrong. Funniest line I've EVER heard was when his friend warned him the women wouldn't cooperate. He said, "Women don't hold grudges. Time heals all wounds." LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Women don't hold grudges...good one!

There was one chick who couldn't let go of him. Every time she saw him she was with a different guy that she introduced as her 'new boyfriend' to try and make him jealous. Finally she sees him in the restaurant where she works on a date with his perfect woman. He takes her aside and says,
"Susie, please don't ruin this for me."
Susie: "I don't care what you do! You could go on a hundred dates and I could give a shit. You know why, Baker?" Starts to cry. "Because I'm over you! I'm so over you!"
Then she grabs him and begins kissing him. As he pushes her away, she says, "Tell me you love me, Baker! Tell me you love me!" Hilarious. Great scene.
Then Susie meets up with him again--in the men's room--to tell him she's sincerely sorry and doesn't want him to think of her as the crazy woman who couldn't let go. Then she drags him into a stall and tries to make out with him again. LOL!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

these feelings won't go away, they've been knocking me sideways

I was watching The Young and The Restless, and I have to laugh at how kids are treated today. The one little girl's teacher asked her parents if the girl was under any stress lately because she had been acting out in school. Then she suggested the girl might need therapy. We had therapy when I was little too: it was called 'Daddy's belt'. There was NOTHING that therapy couldn't cure. And right quick.

I was driving to work this morning and passed a small (in)convenience store. STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD was some old guy scratching off a damn lottery ticket. I'm thinking, "Wouldn't it be a real pisser to get hit by a car the second you realize you've won the lottery?"

I watched College Road Trip over the weekend and had to laugh at the realism of one scene. They were driving to the University of Pittsburgh and came across a sign that read, "Road construction for the next 20 miles." As a mother of a Pitt grad, I think a more accurate sign would have read, "Road construction for the next 20 years." Another thing that made me laugh about College Road Trip was Martin Lawrence as the police chief taking the PD Suburban across country on a personal trip. Uh huh....

Sunday, June 07, 2009

screw that 'full circle' bullshit!

I got home from work last night and was able to successfully connect to the laptop wirelessly in my bedroom, and had great speed.

I'm thinking, "Now wait a minute, if I can connect and maintain speed at night, there's no reason I can't do it during the day."

I logged onto Verizon's live chat tech support and they solved my problem. It's great because they connect to your computer and check everything out themselves, while I watched to make sure they didn't 'accidentally' break into my porn stash.

The best thing is I didn't have to worry about understanding any Indian--and I don't mean American Indian--accents!!!!!! (This is where I'd normally apologize for saying something like that, but I ain't gonna do it. I think if you're hired by an American company, you should learn how to speak CLEARLY. And YES, I feel the same way about Indian doctors!!!)

I asked the guy what the problem was and he said, "It was a 'quality' issue."
Translation: don't ask because I'm following a script and don't know.
I said, "Oh, that's exactly what I thought."
Translation: don't worry, I wouldn't understand it anyway.

Once again, Goddess is roaming!!!

Saturday, June 06, 2009

once again, I've come full circle

When I bought my first sweet lil Gateway desktop, I was stuck back in the computer room. How I longed for wireless and the ability to roam freely throughout the estate. (Oops, did I say 'estate' cuz I mean 'trailer'.)

Well, I worked and worked and finally bought my sweet lil laptop. (Ok, a relative died and left me the money, but I digress.) Then I worked and worked (on my husband) and finally he agreed to buy DSL. You know, at the point that it became cheaper than dial up.

Finally, I was able to spread my wings!

Lordy, I updated on the bed, in the living room, on the kitchen table, on the toilet. [Word to the wise: don't update on the toilet.] You name it and I did it there!!!

Last month, when I was going through that freakish cleaning phase--now I think less of it as a 'freakish cleaning phase' and more of it as a 'stroke'--I decided that I wanted to clean out the computer room so I could sit back there at my desk and--yep, you guessed it--work on the computer. Even ET longed to go back home, and he was a grotesque alien!

I had part of the computer room cleaned when suddenly the computer connection went kerfluey on me. Suddenly it was saying there were no networks in my area and if I did connect, the speed would immediately drop to 1.0 mpb or mps or mba, whatevah the hell it is. The only way I could get it to work was to plug my laptop into the modem directly. All this time it's been plugged into my old desktop modem.

Wasting no time, I called Verizon because they're the BEST INTERNET SERVICE EVER!! They immediately put me on hold and made me wait for ten minutes, listening to their idiotic tech support messages. "Are you having connection issues? Go to www.verizon.com, click on troubleshooting and then connection issues. You can find the answers to most of your questions there."

Really, Einstein?

What if your connection issue is that you CAN'T FUCKING CONNECT?! After that exercise in frustration, a computerized voice came on the line and said, "We're unable to complete your call at this time". Click.

The BEST INTERNET SERVICE EVER, I tells ya!!!

You know when you're little and you have that one glorious snow, and it comes down so much and so fast that over the next few days you create a maze of paths to and from the house? Then you know what my computer room looks like. Minus the snow.

And here I sit in the midst of it all. I will admit, though, I'm right by the window now, and the view of the front yard from my desk is quite lovely.

all's well that ends well

My mother had a slight heart attack this week, but she's home now and doing much better.

It's true that women have totally different symptoms than men. She had no shooting pains, no chest pains at all, as a matter of fact. She had sweating, nausea and just kinda passed out.

If it wasn't for the raised enzyme level, she wouldn't even have known she had one.

Friday, June 05, 2009

vanity, thy name is brooke

Have you seen the latest Brooke Shields' commercials, in which she's pimping the prescription drug Latisse, to thicken your eye lashes?

There are people in this country who cannot afford the prescription medicine they need to SURVIVE, and she's pushing this shit?!

Could we be a tad more shallow, Brooke?

Thursday, June 04, 2009

said the woman who has $275 million dollars and six homes...

wasted days and wasted nights

I saw Anne Heche's incredibly predictable 1998 movie, Six Days and Seven Nights today.

She had one really funny scene in which the small plane she and Harrison Ford were riding in was going down during a storm.


She had been sucking down Xanax to help her relax after they struck turbulance. Ford reached for the radio control and was yelling, "Mayday! Mayday!" She picks up the other radio control and says, "Attention KMart shoppers! We have snow shovels on sale for $12.99!"

LOL!

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Welcome to my 2000th post!!!


Ok, I don't really have a post, but when I saw I was at 1, 999, I just HAD to push my blog over the 2000 entries point!!!

that's my kind of employer

I was keyed up when I came home from work last night and couldn't sleep right away, so I flicked through the tv channels and caught a few minutes of Tori Spelling's so called 'reality' show.

They have a heavy set nanny and they were supposed to go to a build a bear workshop.
Dean says to the nanny, "Are you ready to go?" and she said, "If you don't need me, I want to stay home because my back is killing me."
He looked all concerned and said, "Do you need a chiropractor?" and she said, "No, it won't do any good. I really just need to lose the weight"
He said, "What about pain killers?"
She said, "If I take pain killers, I can't do my job."
He said, "Ok, then stay home and go to bed."
Um, HELLO? Anybody see the logic in that? I can't do my job if I'm on painkillers, so I'll go to bed instead?!