Saturday, February 28, 2009

me! me! meeeee! it's all about ME!!!!

My new boss is CRAZY about (un)reality shows. The other night she was watching one of those totally unreal housewife shows and a woman was talking about the tenuous state of her marriage.

The guy interviewing her said, "What's the number one thing you love about your husband?"

After much thought, she said, "I love....how he loves me."

LOLOLOLOL!!

BTW, why they call these women "housewives" is beyond me. I've never seen any of them do a lick of house cleaning.

he's just not that into.................eggs

Because I feel it's important for the offspring to learn about their Greek Catholic heritage, I took them to a Pysanky egg class. (FINE! There are days I'll do ANYTHING to get the little piss ants out of the trailer! Friday, for instance, they'll be learning about their "fishing heritage" when I send them all to the fire hall for a fish fry.)

Female Offspring #1 was home for a visit so she came along, as well as did Female Offspring #2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Male Offspring #6 is NOT allowed home by himself, lest he set the trailer on fire again, so I dragged him along, too. I thought he would quickly get into the spirit of things. Apparently I was wrong.

The females turned in these very artsy offerings. Gorgeous, aren't they?
My hand is not that steady. Years of drinking, perhaps.
















While Male Offspring #6 made THIS little beauty with the words "SUCK IT" written on it...



I'm sure it was a coincidence that the woman seated next to Male Offspring #6 "accidentally" sat on an egg during the class. Sure beat the fun from last year’s class when Female Offspring #3 “proved” to Male Offspring #1 that the eggs were raw……by cracking one over his head. Hey, the little Doubting Thomas had it coming.

Friday, February 27, 2009

well if this ain't shit for the birds

Well, now I'm just pissed. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to trade your kids for a birds
A Big Mac and fries, sure. Doggone it, I've been hanging on to them all these years, watching my poor parents struggle to feed and clothe them, when I could have had poultry instead! Hmm, wonder what I could get for the baby......

Thursday, February 26, 2009

coffee, tea or tits?

Ladies, ladies, ladies, don't be SO DAMN STUPID. Your nudity is NOT "empowering" when your future is controlled by SOME GUY!!!

If you want to be "empowered" and start a nude business, start it YOUR DAMN SELVES!!

This is my whole bitch about the porn industry. Women are the backbone of the industry, without them there would be no porn industry. They put their very health at risk, while the men are sitting back, raking in the cash. And I'm sorry, but I've never seen anyone pay the bills with empowerment yet.

And if nudity when serving coffee is so damn "empowering," why isn't the male waiter walking around with his wang hanging out?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

and the dog goes 'tweet'

Because I'm such a compassionate person, I decided to take the money I'd normally spend on the offspring's snack treats and use it to buy some of that peanut butter suet crap the birds love..........and some Jack Daniels for myself. Just to take off the edge! Don't judge me!

I brought the suet home and cut the big square into lots and lots of little squares. Hey, I have three cats and two strays hanging around. I don't want the poor birds to linger on the ground any longer than necessary, lest they become the main ingredients in Grackle Soup, like the three birds I found on the front porch earlier this week.

Usually I'm the only one in the neighborhood during the day, save for the lazy neighbor who prefers to weld in his garage 22/7 and collect unemployment, rather than weld for a living, so I let the dog run loose while I'm feeding the birds and picking up stuff that has blown into the yard. As long as the UPS truck, the mail truck, the oil truck, any furniture trucks and/or garbage trucks don't come down the road, she can be trusted to stay in the yard. Eat it, Dog Whisperer!!

I left the dog outside while I puttered around in the kitchen doing dishes and clearing off the kitchen table. When I yelled for her about fifteen minutes later, she came around the side of the house with a face full of birdseed and peanut butter. Thank God I had the sense to hide the Jack Daniels.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

kiss me! I'm in the Severe Weather Center!!


I love how the local TV weathermen take themselves so seriously, considering the fact that much of the weather report is hit and miss. LARGELY miss.

Our local station has a "Severe Weather Center," already assuming that much of our weather is going to be...well, suh-vere.

What makes me laugh, though, is the news reporter will say, "We turn now to BlahBlah, who is standing in the Severe Weather Center."

That "Severe Weather Center" is located about 20 feet away from the news desk, and it consists of an identical desk and a map on the wall. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Great Americans

There are two new sites online called Great Americans and Great Americans.org.

According to the email I received from the site creators, "Great Americans celebrates and honors citizens in every area of society who are “everyday heroes”, focusing on those who serve America: the military and law enforcement.

At GreatAmericans.com you’ll find countless inspiring stories and videos submitted by people all across the country.

The purpose of Great Americans is to celebrate people in every area of society whose lives offer a positive example to others. Great Americans currently consists of GreatAmericans.com, where visitors can login and upload videos or simply check out the website for segments featuring military, law enforcement, fire/rescue, NASA, Homeland Security and everyday American heroes. The new addition of GreatAmericans.org is a sister site featuring weekly award-winning videos, news, a network blogroll and more.

'The mission of Great Americans is to tell the stories of the positive role models of our time,' said Daniels. 'What better place to start than with the stories of men and women in uniform who put their lives at risk to protect the rest of us, both at home and abroad'."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

NAILED IT!!!

I *LOVE* Jon Stewart's comments when John Sununu said, "But a future generation is going to be asked to pay that [the stimulus] back."

You rock, Jon Stewart!!!!


i'm sensing some 'anger mgmt classes' in his future



How could she possibly turn down a stand up guy like this?! Look how well he handled his anger.

----------

A 20-year-old man reportedly pepper-sprayed his girlfriend in a Drew University dorm when she broke up with him the night after Valentine's Day, Madison police said.

Keiyon Gordon, of Ellenwood, Ga., then allegedly stole his ex-girlfriend's prescription eye glasses, laptop computer and textbooks and later ran from police with the stolen items, authorities said.

Drew public safety officers responded to the girlfriend's dorm on a report of a man banging on her door around 3 a.m. Monday. The girlfriend, a Drew freshman, told campus police that Gordon had taken her glasses, Drew spokesman Dave Muha said. Campus police unsuccessfully tried to locate him, and when police returned to the student's room, she told them he had pepper-sprayed her earlier that night, Muha said.

Drew police said they did not see evidence that she had been sprayed, and the girlfriend declined to file assault charges, he said.

Later Monday morning, Drew police received a tip that Gordon was on campus and that he was about to leave with the allegedly stolen items. Drew officers contacted Madison police for assistance, Muha said.

Madison police converged on the area and stopped Gordon, a Camden County College student, who resisted briefly, in James Park on Park Avenue, Madison police said. The items, valued at $2,860, were found near the path Gordon took fleeing from a Drew officer, Madison police said.

The pepper spray belonged to the victim, but police said they found it in Gordon's possession when he was arrested.

Gordon was charged with theft, defiant trespass, resisting arrest and domestic assault, police said. He was taken to the Morris County jail where he was held Tuesday on $10,000 bail.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ok, somebody 'splain this one to me...

I'm standing in BiLo this morning and on every cash register stand is a sign that reads, "You will be carded for tobacco products if you look less than 35 years old."

I'm like, "WHAT?!" I asked the cashier if that was a mistake and she said no. I'm like, "You're allowed to buy cigarettes once you reach the age of twenty one. What right do you have to card people up to the age of 35?!"

She said, "They're getting really strict."

That's not strict, that's a stupid waste of time.

happy wednesday!

Monday, February 16, 2009

WHY is the Universe dicking with me?!

I just got out my goal sheet for a new job that I wrote back in November '08.

I said that I wanted to move right into a new job without any lapse in pay, and I did.

I said that I wanted more money, and I got it.

I said I wanted it to be close to home, and it's just a stone's throw away from my last job.

I wanted to work for nice people, and they are.

What I did NOT do is factor in the way the Universe likes to dick with me. So while I got more money, I got less hours. Sigh.

You would think that after all these years of using this system I would know that I have to cover every angle because the Universe is soooooo tricky. Sigh.

Universe=1, Moi=zippo

Sunday, February 15, 2009

no kidding

Someone gave me some of those cute little "metaphysical" Baby of Light tops for Female Offspring #8. One reads, "I am love. I am light."

After she wore that a few hours, I found a sticker slapped on her back that read, "I am on sale for $6.95." Ahh, the joys of siblings.

Last week when she was wearing the "joy is in my genes" shirt, they put a sign on her butt that read, "poop is in my jeans".

Saturday, February 14, 2009

i am i am i said i'm not myself

I love when these celebrities get PR and family to come in and clean their messes up. How Clinton Brown can possibly refer to his son's attempted strangulation of Rhianna and beating her about the face as a "trip up" and a "stumble" is beyond me. God only knows what daddy considers a major fuck up. He'd probably describe the whole OJ incident as "a little woman trouble".
I LMAO when daddy said Chris "loves people". Yeah, his "love" of people is quite apparent in his behavior.

Well, good luck here, Falcons.

Tonight's second episode of COPS was called "Morons on Parade." Couldn't EVERY episode of COPS be called "Morons on Parade"? Just sayin is all....

trippin' on a hole in a paper heart


Poor little Male Offspring #7. He's been taking quite the razzing from his siblings, who think he has no future in the world of greeting cards.

The first grade teacher told the kids to pick an animal and then make a Valentine's Day card for their mom.


He picked a frog and it read, "I croak, croak, croak for you."

Friday, February 13, 2009

as Grandma would say, "ya don't miss the water till the well runs dry..."

We were without electricity for about 46 hours. UGH!!

It was 43 degrees in the house when we woke up this morning.

The neighbors were all running generators after the first few hours, and we're walking around through the whole thing like it's pretty much an every day occurrence for us. Cuz, you know, it IS. Hey, who else do you know can survive an entire winter by using only a half of a 250 gallon tank of oil and sometimes less?:)

The weird thing is you just don't know what to do with yourself when there's no electricity. You can't read for very long, and we could have watched a DVD on the laptop, but I didn't think I could sit through another episode of Fantasy Island.

So we ended up in bed around 7:15 last night. At first we were talking, then we fell asleep and it seemed like we slept for hours. When we woke up, my husband said, "What time is it?" and I opened my cell phone and said, "OMG! It's only 9:30!" Oh lordy what a long night.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

take this job and (officially) shove it

Friday is my last day of work.

Ironically, it was seven years ago this week, I was hired. I thanked Boss #1 when I saw her today for hiring me and for giving me the opportunity to work. There were times it got to me, but I truly appreciated it every day that I had it.

I'm not even telling my mother I'm out of work because she will immediately make it her life's mission to find me a job. ANY job. "They're hiring at the Dairy Queen!" Really, Mom? That's great, because nothing says "success" like being in your 40's and working at the Dairy Queen.

Boss #1 tried her best to convince Boss #2 that she had to go into a home, but she wasn’t having it. She said, “Well, I asked *Moi* to come in three days a week for three hours, but she can’t do it. I don’t know what you’re going to do.”
And Boss #2 said, “That’s ok. Overtime Hawg will do it all for free.”

I was telling BrooklynGal, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that point. To know that I was so easily replaced and that she didn’t give a shit. But I had seen that same reaction when my one co-worker quit several weeks ago. She’s yet to mention missing her being gone, despite the fact that she worked there almost as long as I did.

I also didn’t know whether to laugh at the mess Overtime Hawg has gotten herself into by kissing ass. She’s going to work 40 some hours a week and get paid for 9? Gee, I doubt that very much, but Boss #1 had me go over the check book, so I know for sure she only has a CD for 5K and $400 in the bank. My last day should have been Thursday, but Overtime Hawg called and asked me to fill in for her and she would ‘work next Friday” for me. I said, sure, then I hung up and told the boss I wanted paid for it because I won’t BE here next week. One last turn of the screw:)

But how OH lies. She told everyone that her husband was laid off of work. *insert lots of crying here* Then her daughter called me and asked me if I would work for her mother because her dad had eye surgery and he has surgical pads over his eyes and “won't even be able to go back to work” till Monday.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

giddy up!

Now that we're into the second season of Gunsmoke, the 4th season of The Rifleman and the second season of the Big Valley from Netflix, there are some things I know for sure.
1. Someone will die.
2. Someone will run out of water.
3. There will be saloon girls aka da town whores with bulging cleavage...proving that sex sells...even in the 60's.

Speaking of Gunsmoke, we were watching an episode today that had me rolling. The marshal approached a stranger who had horses with a familiar brand. The marshal wanted to know why he was driving the man's horses when the man was nowhere in sight. He said, "I'm not driving them. I found them wandering around loose and I rounded them up." I said to my husband, "Holy shit! Even in the old West people were lying to the law." Advance 200 years, "They're not my drugs. I found them and was going to give them to you."

And may I just say, that in his day, Marshal Dillon was a hottie!

Sunday, February 08, 2009

dear playboy advisor....

BrooklynGal sends this joke from Reader's Digest:

"Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were discovered in the platoon quarters," he said "and the whole squad is being disciplined." I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial. My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said 'dirty magazines,' I meant the clips from their rifles hadn't been cleaned."

Friday, February 06, 2009

you can bank on this

Whoever (whomever? who gives a shit?) paid for this study wuz robbed, I tells ya!

If the natural disaster doesn't kill, the gub'ment will! So help me, if I find out they've recalled WalMart peanut butter cups or Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate & Peanut Butter Squares right before Valentine's Day, HEADS WILL ROLL!!

Yahoo published a list of The 20 Most Heartbreaking Songs of All Time. I disagree slightly. Heart Like a Wheel? Eh. I think Nothing Compares 2 U should have been #1 or #2. Yeah, the lyrics are that good, as was O'Conner's haunting rendition. Evanescence's My Immortal should also have been on that list, IMHO, in the top 5.

I totally agree with this article that says a Bluetooth is one of those gadgets that make you look like a jerk. We were dining out the other night and there was a guy walking around the restaurant with one and I said to Mr. G, "I love these people that think they're sooooo important that they have to walk around with a phone glued to their ear all the time."

mother may i

I was reading the story of the octuplet mom and she explained her reason for wanting so many kids by saying, among other things, "...I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up..." Ok, if you don't FIND this "connection" and "attachment" with the first child, what in the world makes you think you're going to find it with the next thirteen? More than likely this "connection" she's seeking is the same "connection" we all seek deep within us, that same longing we all have, which, unfortunately, that can't be filled by another person. But it would be great if it could.
I did find it rather contradictory of her to say "I'm providing for my own children" in one breath, then admit they're all living with her mother. That's hardly the same thing.
I would love to know how she paid for all those invitro sessions on disablity? They've bankrupted more than one working couple over one child, yet she's had several, all at the same clinic, so it's not like they didn't know she already HAD six kids. It's rather odd that she could even carry all those kids when she has serious enough back problems to be on disability.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

God, no

As I've mentioned before, one magazine that I read every month is Science of Mind magazine. They have a daily meditation and affirmation for the month, along with articles on the Science of Mind philosophy.

February's meditations start with this: "DURING this month of love, you are invited to celebrate your love affair with God. Rather than holding God as a father, mother, teacher, or friend, this month we will explore the Divine as our spiritual lover, our holy valentine. "

I'm sorry, I find it downright CREEPY to think of God as my "spiritual lover". In other readings He's described as our "paramour" and "our suitor". No, no, NO.

Yesterday, I received a post card from someone who had been in Mexico. It was postmarked the 14th of January. Now I know why people and animals who are smuggled into the country are usually dead by the time they get here. They must be smuggling them via the Mexican post office....

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

can you hear me screaming, world?!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I was thisclose to slapping Overtime Hawg today...if it's possible to slap someone over the telephone.

We got our hours chopped AGAIN so I'm down to like 3 hours a day, 14 days a month. I agreed to work 11:30-4:30 to help get supper and all the evening stuff taken care of. OH started telling me everything I'd have to do before I left for the night as if I wasn't the one who has been working there four more years than she was. As if I don't have a brain in my head, and I need her to micromanage my every freaking move.

Anyway, she concluded her big spiel by saying she was staying every day till 5:30 and asked me if I'd do it. I said, "I'll get all the stuff ready, but I'm not staying till 5:30," and she snapped, "Well, if you're not going to do it then..." I was equally pissy when I said, "I didn't say I wasn't going to get everything ready before I leave, I said, I'm not working two hours every day that I don't get paid for. One is enough."

She immediately started with her shit about how she comes in at 9:30 every day and works till 5:30 without getting paid for it all, and I stopped her and said, "That is entirely your choice. I am already working one hour every day I'm not getting paid for, I'm NOT WORKING TWO." I did that the first week our hours were chopped and then I began really thinking about the situation.

I said, "Let me lay this out for you. Boss #1 has been warning Boss #2 for MONTHS AND MONTHS--since at least Christmas of '07--that she is running out of money. I figured out that last shipment of fruit she bought cost her almost five dollars for each piece of fruit. Does that sort of spending sound like a woman who is worried about running out of money? There are a million things I WANT, but I can't AFFORD them, so I don't buy them. If us being there was really important to her, she would have saved that money to give us. Don't try to guilt me into working hours I'm not getting paid for. I'm doing enough. If you want to come up there every day after I leave and work for free, you just knock yourself out," and I hung up on her. I'm fed up with her shit.

Honestly, I've tried not to be angry with my boss, but there is a part me of that resents the fact that she expects us to work for free after she's wasted thousands and thousands of dollars. When we started there, she had EIGHTY FOUR THOUSAND dollars in her checking account alone. And that didn't count any of the money that was used to pay us. So she's essentially squandered all that money on junk she just had to have.

Her behavior has pissed my husband off, almost from the beginning. He used to get so angry when come Christmas, we'd buy her $10 and $20 gifts and she'd give us a pen. My husband would say, "She spends money on useless stuff, instead of giving it to the very people who make it possible for her to live at home." That, my dear, is ALWAYS the way it is.

I just hope and pray I find a new job ASAP.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

these feelings won't go away, they've been knocking me sideways

I watched "Ghost Town" with Ricky Gervais tonight and this song from Citizen Cope was used in the movie. I love it.

stop oh yes, wait a minute, mr postman

Geez, no wonder the post office is going belly up. I ordered a book from Amazon last week. It left Kentucky five days ago. It took two days to get to Leetsdale, PA where it arrived at 3 am. That's a huge hour and a half from my post office. Supposedly, it arrived at my post office two days later, 3 a.m. this morning, and yet I got my mail today and guess what? Not there.

And the old TV shows continue....

Yesterday, we "tried" to watch "Love, American Style", which Mr. G and myself both remember as being really racy, packed with stars and ahead of it's time. We used to watch it every Friday night, and I would have been about ten when the show was on.
Oh, lordy, did it ever blow. It had one of those overused laugh tracks, and the stories were terrible. The one we did manage to sit through "starred" George Gobal. I don't EVER remember him as being sexy, and he wasn't in the ep we watched either. Then we tried to watch two more eps, but didn't even make it ten minutes into either one.

Tonight we watched "Petticoat Junction." Now we both think the humor still stands, but the singing and dancing in every episode makes it painful to watch. And if I hear one more time about how the men never had a meal like Kate's or that all a woman needs to do to make her man happy is to cook him a good meal, I'M GONNA SCREAM!!

Monday, February 02, 2009

YAY, STEELERS!!

Sad news, kids. I fell out of bed this morning and saw my “shadow”. [Doggone dog has GOT to stop sleeping on the floor beside my bed.] You know what this means? Six more weeks of winter…and a bruise the size of Cleveland. Happy Groundhog’s Day! BTW, after some of their predictions lately, I’m beginning to think the rodent is a more skilled prognosticator than the ‘educated’ weathermen.

This is how much I saw of Bruce Springsteen’s half time show: “I’m going to Disneyland!” And that’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I liked itJ. My favorite Super Bowl commercial was the Pedigree “Why not adopt a dog?” ad. It was hilarious.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, what a GREAT GAME, and how about that excellent play made by James Harrison at the end of the first half of the game? 100 yard return and the longest play in Super Bowl history. Wow. I was so worried they were going to take it away from him, though. And Holmes with the winning touchdown with seconds to spare?! Excellent game. It was a nail biter. Once again, the ETrade baby was my favorite commercial and the new "why not adopt a dog?" one from Pedigree.

I was watching the news yesterday and they were discussing the ice storm in Kentucky. One woman said, “I woke up the this morning and it was 47 degrees in my house!” WUSS! The other morning I woke up and it was 43 degrees in MY house. Welcome to MY WORLD, lady!

I took Mr. G out to eat for his birthday and we were seated beside this annoying couple who were obviously on their first date. I could tell by the way they kept staring at each other. I pointed it out to Mr. G and he said, “Do you think we were like that?” I said, “Yep. Remember the New Year’s Eve party, we pretty much spent the whole night staring at each other? We used to look deeply into each other’s eyes. Twenty nine years later, we look deeply into each other’s plates and say, ‘Hey, that looks good. Can I have a bite’?” Ahhh, true love.

I was watching a show on FOX Saturday night with Spike Ferensten--I think it was called “Talk Show”--and there was a very funny segment in which the host went out on the streets of Hollywood to make fun of the way people were dressed. There was one gay guy--please, who else but the gays wear heavy neck scarves with three quarter length leggings in hot weather? The whole mess ended with combat boots, and the host said, “Do you see much combat?” LOL! Spike Ferensten’s deadpan delivery was spot on. The same show also had a hilarious segment featuring an old lady on a Hoveround fighting crime. I never saw the show before, but it was a hoot.