Sunday, August 16, 2009

i'm picking up good vibrations

I'm in the market for a new Hitachi Wand and I was on one site reading some of the reviews for another vibrator, the AcuVibe. On sale, it costs about twelve dollars more than the Hitachi, so naturally I'm thinking, "Hmm, if it's built similarly but costs more, it must be better, right?"

The reviews were rather interesting.

The first jackass said something about using it on his herniated discs. I'm sorry, but if God wanted us to use vibrators on our backs, He wouldn't have given us clits. And He would have given us herniated discs between our legs.

One reviewer said, "The rechargeable battery hardly lasts more than a couple of minutes after a few weeks of use." Thankfully, it doesn't take me a few weeks to get off.

Another one said, "BUT IT IS CORDLESS WITCH IS A BIG PLUS FOR CAR USE." Yeah, I get orgasmic in the car all the time, especially at the McDonald's drive thru. The smell of artery clogging meat and huge vats of cooking oil is a real turn on. Which witch is which?

One lady said, "It also holds a charge an incredibly long time. My husband is still better, but it takes him about three times as long before I'll climax - which I'm fine with, but part of me feels bad for how hard he has to work at it,..." Lady, "working at it" is his JOB, and he should be GRATEFUL to do it. Besides, I bet he doesn't exactly rush her through the blow jobs.

A male reviewer said, "After 30 years together, this is the first time I've heard my wife "howl"."
Damn. Damn. Damn. Doesn't say much about either of these last two guys' abilities, does it?

A lot of the reviewers bitched about how loud the AcuVibe is so that takes it off the list of possibilities for me. It's hard to sneak an orgasm when it sounds like you're gassing up the leaf blower. Although it would be great if a vibrator could blow back my hair while I was using it, like in all of Heart's 80's music videos..

1 comment:

BRUNO said...

Years ago already, they had a vibrator that'd blow your hair back, while on it---it was called a "Chopper", an' it was manufactured by Harley-Davidson! VERY-reliable rumors I had heard vouched for the effectiveness of it's "Bitch-Seat"!

Oh, it WAS a bit pricey! But, hey---we all had plenty of time and money to waste!

But nowadays we have to resort to those "rumble-strips" on the edge of the road, while in the seat of our SUV's!

Different times---different methods. But still, the same old urge...!!!