Tuesday, June 16, 2009

bark if you don't like Jesus!

I actually got muh butt out of bed early this morning so I could do some laundry before work. My favorite household "chore" is hanging out laundry. Love it, love it, love it. I find it very relaxing and I love the fresh air scent on my sheets when I crawl into bed at night. Reminds me of Grandma....except there's no added whiskey and stale cigar smell.

There wasn't a soul around in the neighborhood, save the unemployed guy two doors down, who was probably busy calling everyone he knew to remind them that there were "no jobs to be found" and there "was no use even looking", right before he took off on his motorcycle for the day. So I had the dog outside with me, off her chain. She usually stays in the yard, unless God forbid, we see the mail truck, UPS truck or any vehicle with the words "built Ford tough" stamped on the side.

I was hanging sheets and an unfamiliar car pulled into my driveway. I spotted two good looking young men wearing suits. Oh shit.........Mormons.

I immediately began mentally calculating the distance between me, their car and the backdoor. Then I divided that answer by the fact that I hadn't exercised in two days and they were a good twenty five years younger than I was. Damn. No way was I going to make it. Curse these chubby legs of mine!!!!

They stepped out of the car and one held up his Bible and said, "We'd like to talk to you about Jesus."

I noted the exact moment those words reached my dog's ears. Her head went up, her fur ruffled and her tail went down. All of a sudden my possessive, 110 pound Lab, who had been loose and sniffing around in the bushes on the side of the house, came thundering into the back yard, barking her head off.

I never saw two kids move so fast in my life. Bless their skinny little legs. Apparently they exercised yesterday. Probably in much the same way they 'exercised' today: running away from dogs who hate Jesus. This is the second time she's chased away Bible thumpers. One time it was two female Jehovah Witnesses. They got off easy, though. The dog just growled loud enough for them to hear and they took off. Guess she wasn't in a running mood that day.

I don't know why my dog doesn't like Jesus. After all, she is a baptized Catholic. I'm guessing about the second time the offspring dunked her, screaming, "I baptize thee!" she decided organized religion wasn't for her.

At least these folks had the good sense to run like hell. They have several "beware of dog" signs where I work and even though I've only been there a few months, no less than four people have approached that dog in the front yard. ALL of them men, with their hands extended towards the wildly barking dog. How damn dumb do you have to be?! One guy told me he thought the signs were just a ruse. Wonder what he thought the angry dog barking in his face was? Two guys in a dog suit?


BRUNO said...

Ya' just gave me the "Laugh Of The Day" that I desperately needed!

You know, like now, like---TODAY....!!!

Mushy said...

That's a good doggy!