Saturday, March 21, 2009

burn (this post) after reading

Long ago, the Offspring learned something very quickly: never sit next to me in a movie theater. No, I'm not one of those jackasses who yell out the obvious in the theater. "He's got a gun! He's going to kill her! RUN, LADY!!"

I'm one of those jackasses who never understand what's going on and is constantly asking questions. Yes, I am a Blonde Movie Viewer. It's why I wasn't allowed to watch The X-Files with the family beyond the first episode.

"What's happening? Who is that man?" "Is he an alien? He can't be an alien. He doesn't look like an alien. OMG! He's an alien." "What did it say on that piece of paper?" "I don't get it." "Ok, now who is this woman? And what does she have to do with the alien? Is she an alien, too?" "Wait, are they having an affair?" "Does that note I couldn't read have anything to do with this?" "I don't get it."

I never get 'it'.

I felt much the same way watching 'Burn After Reading'. I would have asked the offspring, but none of them would watch it with me.

Ok, I got the gist of Burn,

Labeled a "black comedy," I saw nothing the least bit funny about it. I mean geez, black comedies have you laughing at something taboo that isn't usually shown in a funny manner, and I wasn't laughing at any of it. I was too busy figuring out the remaining time from the DVD player.

I remember when Burn After came out, everyone raved at how well Brad Pitt acted the idiot. Sorry, I didn't see where he was that fantastic. I guess it's difficult for me to picture a 45 year old dumbass trainer. A 21 year old dumbass trainer, yes. I admit I've never been a Brad Pitt/George Clooney fan.

And I wish I had a quarter for every time an actor used the words "fuck" or "what the fuck" or "for fuck's sake" in this movie, especially John Malkovich. It was overused and unnecessary. I was praying for someone to toss a "shit!" or a "damn it!" in there. Never came.

Most disappointing of all? We never got to see the results of Frances McDormand's plastic surgery. Sigh.


BBC said...

I don't watch many movies, I go camping.

Anonymous said...

You have to admit you never would have thought you'd see the day when you saw George Clooney have a hissy fit onscreen, stomp upstairs to grab his body pillow, and stomp out the door, now did you? I thought that was the funniest moment of the movie.

Sure, it's not saying much for the rest of the flick, but that was silly and funny shit.


*Goddess* said...

Ok, I'll give you that one, Stacey, AND the 'present' he made for his wife was quite!

The Future Was Yesterday said...

I think I married your twin Sister!!...(:

*Goddess* said...

LOL! Worse than being married to a Catholic, isn't it?;)