Because I'm such a compassionate person, I decided to take the money I'd normally spend on the offspring's snack treats and use it to buy some of that peanut butter suet crap the birds love..........and some Jack Daniels for myself. Just to take off the edge! Don't judge me!
I brought the suet home and cut the big square into lots and lots of little squares. Hey, I have three cats and two strays hanging around. I don't want the poor birds to linger on the ground any longer than necessary, lest they become the main ingredients in Grackle Soup, like the three birds I found on the front porch earlier this week.
Usually I'm the only one in the neighborhood during the day, save for the lazy neighbor who prefers to weld in his garage 22/7 and collect unemployment, rather than weld for a living, so I let the dog run loose while I'm feeding the birds and picking up stuff that has blown into the yard. As long as the UPS truck, the mail truck, the oil truck, any furniture trucks and/or garbage trucks don't come down the road, she can be trusted to stay in the yard. Eat it, Dog Whisperer!!
I left the dog outside while I puttered around in the kitchen doing dishes and clearing off the kitchen table. When I yelled for her about fifteen minutes later, she came around the side of the house with a face full of birdseed and peanut butter. Thank God I had the sense to hide the Jack Daniels.