Friday, January 30, 2009

i sea, said the salty sailor

I have never been one to use a lot of salt in my food, but I've been using Redmond's Sea Salt for several months now and I can't get over how it brings out the flavor of food, especially veggies. The flavor just 'pops'.

If I had six kids and was living with my mommy, the last thing I'd be doing is taking fertility drugs. Where's the father in all of this? BTW, Grandpa, goading the press by saying they'll "never find" your house is the LAST thing you want to do. Ask Gary Hart how well that works. Besides, you will ALWAYS have neighbors who are willing to sell you out.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

plaxico, plaxico bo baxical, banana fanna fo faxical

Yet one more thing to pin on Mom. Apparently some geniuses did a study and decided that boys with unpopular names are more likely to commit crimes when they grow up. Great. So now when little Listerine and little Marlboro grow up, it's gonna be MY fault if they go on some wild crime spree. Well, excuse me for giving my boys good strong names. I just hope little Maxi Pad doesn't hear about this story. It might upset him. Although, if he knocked off a liquor store, I could sure use some Jack Daniels.

You know what I find a tad ironic? Oprah is pimping Bob Greene's latest cook book and Bob Greene is Oprah's "trainer". Yet Oprah is now 40 pounds heavier than she was before and people are buying this book like it's the Bible. If Oprah couldn't stick with the program, why the HELL is she talking other people into buying it? And worse yet, they ARE. It's like saying, "Here! I totally failed at this! You try it, for only $25!" Bob's excuse is that Oprah had some sort of exercise "trauma". I heard Oprah saying that she exercised EIGHT TIMES A WEEK. I'm sorry, but every exercise article I've ever read talks about the fact that the body needs to recover from exercise. My guess is she friggin' BURNED OUT on it, and who can blame her? The average person does not exercise eight times a week. It's not doable. As we've seen.
I'm sure there are TONS of diet/exercise people in this world who would love to train Oprah, yet she stays with the one guy who can't even come up with a program she can stick to. I'm scratching my head over this one....

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

oh the places you'll go and the shows you'll see

Mr. G and I have favorite television shows from when we were kids and also from our early married life. So recently we decided to go back and look at some of these shows and see if they were as great as we thought they were.

First up was Alf. Oy. What were we thinking there? It was HILARIOUS the first time around. PAINFUL now.

Second up was my favorite, the original Batman. I LIVED for this show, especially when Catwoman (Julie Newmar) was on. I loved the sexual tension between her and Batman, although I had no idea what it was all about. The show is HIDEOUS. I have no idea what I saw in it.

Next up was another of my favorite "can't miss" series, Here Come The Brides with Bobby Sherman. The first time I saw it, I thought his stuttering was endearing and sweet. This time around, I wanted to smack him upside the head and scream, "SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!" Another loser.

We both were enthralled by Wild, Wild West--yeah, the wiggity wiggity Wild, Wild West!-- as kids. Mr. G loved the gadgets and I loved James T. West. *Swoon* But as adults we were both disgusted by the way West and Artemus Gordan managed to get out of trouble with their gadgets. It was like one of them armed with a can opener against sixteen guys with guns and guess who would win? LOU-ZER.

Then we watched the original Fantasy Island, which we used to enjoy watching together every Friday night. I can honestly say I never realized it was so dark. In the first season DVD, there were murders and Rourke was rather sadistic. I know "Rourke" was sadistic and sarcastic in the newer series, but I never realized it was pretty close to the original.

Mr. G loves The Rifleman every bit as much now as he did when he was a kid. Ditto Big Valley and Gunsmoke with Miss Pussy. What made me laugh about the old westerns is how they kill people in every doggone episode and more often than not, they just leave their body there and move on as if nothing ever happened. Mr. G always laughs about how they toss their canteens away when they're in the desert and out of water, instead of saving it in case they find more water.

Adam 12 was really cheesy, and I admit I only watched that because I thought Kent McCord was a hottie. And he was!!

The other day we watched "F Troop," yet another of my childhood favorites. So much so that I had F Troop BOOKS. But again, in my defense, it was because of the romance between Parmenter and Jane. After watching two or three eps, you could see it was all the same stuff: Agarn and O'Rourke spend their days trying to keep the U.S. Gub'ment from finding out about their illegal whiskey bizness with the Hekawi Indians, while Jane chased after Parmenter, who was too busy falling all over himself to fall for anyone else. BTW, I don't think a show could be more offensive to the American Indians if they tried. LOL! I didn't realize though, that Melody Patterson was only seventeen when shooting of the show began, which is why Parmenter never kissed her back in the first season. And I thought he was just being hard to get.

I can't find one of my REAL favorites, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir tv series, so next up, Petticoat Junction & Love American Style!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

i rode my bicycle passed your window last night

I forgot to mention this glorious sight I saw on the way to work one day last week. It had been raining, then snowing, then sleeting then snowing so the consistency of the snow was basically that of SAND. Did I mention I HATE DRIVING IN SAND?!

I was driving along, humming the theme to The Price is Right as per my usual routine--because ONE DAY I am going to BE on The Price is Right and I am going to win A...NEW....CAR!!!!!!! Ok, where was I? I turned onto this small bridge and there is a fairly chubby dude next to me on a very shaky bicycle trying to steer through three or four inches of this mess while holding a big bag in his left hand. Weeeeee! And he wasn't on the sidewalk of the bridge, he was driving right beside the cars. How he made it across that bridge I'll never know.

BTW, the my drive to and from work has officially turned into a game of "Dodge the Potholes." If you've never driven on Pennsylvania highways, God bless you. You're truly one of the favored sons. If you have driven on PA highways, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about shitty little potholes that you barely feel, I'm talking DEEP AND WIDE, 'throwing your front end out of alignment' type potholes. I know every street that has them, and exactly where they are. I contacted a local scientist (ok I asked my husband) to ask why the potholes were particularly bad this year and he said it was due to the extremely warm, then extremely cold temps we had in December. Then he asked me to have sex with him. The nerve! I complied. Regardless, I THANK GOD I haven't gotten a flat tire because I hit one of these 'pits of death' a week or so ago when I was daydreaming. about being on The Price is Right and winning A....NEW....CAR!!!! Hence, the caution now.

Monday, January 26, 2009

live your best life

I saw a bit of Oprah today. She was dealing with the subject of teens and obesity and she had a panel of teens, their parents and the two people from Challenge Day steering them through the process of coming to grips with their feelings. What a great idea, Challenge Day.

Two kids immediately caught my eye: Jessica and Nick. They caught my eye because they were two really good looking kids, and I wondered if anyone had ever told them that?

When I was young and struggling with my weight, I felt exactly the way they did. I hated myself and everything about myself. When I was in my 20's, my uncle casually said that a woman who we both knew and respected once told him that she thought I was very pretty. I wondered why he never told me that back when I needed to hear it. Not a "You have such a pretty face, if only---" and not a "You would be so pretty if---" . Just a 'she's so pretty'.

I'm sure the chances of them reading this are nil, but I'm going to say it anyway. Jessica, you are a very beautiful girl, and Nick, you are quite a handsome guy. Good luck to all the teens and family members.

tea and crumpets, anyone?

As is my usual custom in the winter, I opened a box of Celestial Seasonings herbal tea the other night for a mug of Vanilla Honey Chamomile before bedtime.

On the inside flap it said, "Ever wonder why no string and no tag?"

Yes, Celestial Seasonings, MANY is the night I've laid awake pondering this very mystery.

They're claiming it has to do with helping the environment, while my much more cynical take is they're cutting costs.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

great dialogue

On Third Rock from the Sun, Nina was trying to convince Dick to stop smoking....

Nina: "Those things will take ten years off your life."

Dick: "Yeah, but those years are at the end of your life. They're crappy anyway."


baby, won't you drive my pinto?

Yahoo is running a list of the ten worst cars that were rated highly when they first came out. I had to chuckle when I saw the Chevy Vega. Mr. G had one way before we met, and he agreed it was the worst car he ever owned. I love the tag line, "It’s been 38 years since the Vega appeared, and the stink still won’t wash off." LOL!

On the news the other day, I heard that some people are pushing to make Pre-K mandatory. That's ridiculous. Being in school 13 years--and for the 'repeaters' much longer--is long enough when you add on college and possibly graduate school. Taking yet another year from their childhood is insane. Why are some people so hell bent on turning BABIES & TODDLERS into grown ups? The adults are so damn competitive these days. Geez. Relax. It's ok if a child can't spew the Theory of Relativity until AFTER he's six months old....

Friday, January 23, 2009

i had several jokes in my inbox, but Lin's was by far the funniest

Thanks, Lin!

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down
for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a
few shelves set up.

One said to the other, " I bet any minute now
some senior is going to walk by, put his face to
the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth
when, sure enough, a curious senior walked
to the window, had a peek, and in a soft
voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,
"We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer
said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Thursday, January 22, 2009

and a partridge in a palm tree

I was bitterly disappointed today when I discovered my second all time favorite redneck Christmas display had been dismantled. WTH?! It's only January 21st! Christmas decorations don't officially come down until Jesus is ready to roll back that rock and emerge from His tomb.

For those who don't remember, my all time favorite redneck Christmas display was Jesus, Mary and Joseph in the back of a truck and BEHIND a wire fence. Yes, you can't risk criminal types sneaking into your yard and stealing your valuables! Also behind the fence were several burned out cars and the previous years' plastic decorations tossed in a heap beside St. Joseph.

Christmas 2008 I found my second favorite amongst a mish mash of decorations in one big yard. What particularly made me howl was the way the guy had the Nativity scene displayed. He had the usual culprits: Jesus and His parents front and center, the sheep off to the left and the Magi on the right. Next to the Magi stood Mickey Mouse and Goofy. Minnie and Tigger could not attend the birth because they had a prior committment singing in the choir of angels in the another section of the yard, next to a merry go round. Lordy, where's a camera when ya need one?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

give it a rest, people, he is NOT Jesus

I know that we're all hoping for positive change in this country, but there's a certain sort of fanaticism surrounding Obama that worries me.

After the inauguration they were interviewing one of those pasty blonde actresses--I want to say Paltrow, but I'm not sure--
and she said, "Did you see when he (Obama) stepped up to take the oath, the sun literally came out behind him?"


Sunday, January 18, 2009

silent night

It was so pretty driving home from work tonight.

It was after midnight so there weren't a lot of cars on the road and the snow was coming down at a pretty good rate.

But there was a fresh coat of white over the city, renewing everything. Looked like a picture postcard.

Friday, January 16, 2009

saturday's stuff

I'm rather ticked because I have to keep asking Boss #2 for my pay. Boss #1 always had the pays ready for Thursdays, but she isn't able to do the pays anymore because she's having problems with her vision. I should have been paid Thursday afternoon, and here it is Saturday and I'm still asking for my pay. Yesterday one of the pipes burst at work, causing Boss #2 absolutely NO WORK whatsoever. She basically sits and watches TV, gets waited on hand and foot, and does little else. So I asked for my pay last night and she said, "Oh, I didn't have a chance to get it ready. There was so much going on today!" Yeah, uh huh, and that affects you HOW?

The area school kids had the day off Friday because of the cold temps--it's been about 3 degrees outside all day, and Mr. G said it was about -8 in the early hours the chillin's would have had to catch the bus. Anyway, about ten of them in da hood spent a couple hours outside sled! Too cold to wait for the bus, but NOT too cold to play!

Saw one of my favorites, Denis Leary on Oprah. Brrrr. Makes me shiver saying the words "Oprah" and "Denis Leary" in the same sentence. I was wanting to see WHEN they're bringing 'Rescue Me' back. It's been FOREVER. So, of course, they made no mention of Rescue Me that I heard--I couldn't sit through all that gibberish because Denis totally wussed out by kissing Oprah's ass. I'm disappointed in him!
And what is up with that stupid Friday Live panel O has? It consists of her, Gayle, because Lord knows she can't make a move without Gayle!, some chick named Alley that I should recognize, but I don't and for Pete freaking sake, Mark Consuelous, Mr. Kelly Ripa. WTH? Did she pull their names from a box marked, "celebs nobody wants to hear from" or what? Mark and Alley can hardly get a word in edgewise when O and Gayle start going at it. I guess this is O's lameazz version of The View. Lord knows it's equally annoying.

many are called...(thankfully) few are chosen

The Mr. got called for jury duty and he's pissed. I don't blame him. They rah rah about how it's your civic duty and an honor to serve, yet you're forced to miss work and they pay you a shitty $9 a day in Pennsylvania.

Frankly, I fail to see how it's a great privilege to serve. Think about it: you're a hard at work honest citizen, earning a living, and some dumb jackass is out committing crime because he's too stupid or too lazy or too jacked up on coke to get a real job, and YOU have to lose time away from your life because of it. Yeah, that's an honor.

It used to be that they took names from the voter rolls, but that was stopping people from voting. Now I think they use the driver's licenses rolls, too. They SHOULD be using welfare and unemployment rolls because people on those lists don't have to worry about missing work. Anyone sucking off the gub'ment teat should be required to do jury duty at least once during their suckling period.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

thanks for stacking me high and tight, kids

With the weather dipping into the single digits that Christmas flask is coming in quite handy!

Mr. G and I had to take the dog to the vet right after we both got home from work, so we decided to stop at McDonald's and grab something for him to eat. I was only interested in my beloved ice tea:) I noticed that the double cheeseburgers are no longer on the $1 menu. They've been replaced by something called the McDouble. So I said to the woman, "Is the McDouble a cheeseburger?" She said, "Yes, they just have one less patty than the double cheeseburger." Hmm, let's think about that one. A double cheeseburger has two patties, so one less would be one patty. Hardly a "double" anything.

Did you see the story of the woman who is selling her virginity to supposedly pay for her education? So far it's at something like $3.7 million. She's going to have sex with the "lucky" person at the Bunny Ranch, making the entire thing legit. What had me rolling was the Bunny Ranch's comment, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting." "Priceless"?! I hardly think so if she's selling it. What a load of shit.

The local news channel was doing the weather at lunch time today. The weather dude was pointing out that it was only 9 degrees at the present time. Yet in the corner of the screen where they have the time/temperature, it said, 15 degrees. This has happened two days in a row now. No wonder they can't get the snowfall amounts correct, they can't even get the right temperature on their own station.

I was watching "Malcolm in the Middle" this afternoon and the husband/wife were trying to get their affairs in order before they died. Hal told his wife that he always assumed she'd die first, then he'd kill himself a few days later. She said, "You're not going to kill yourself, Hal. You won't even rip off your own bandaids." LOL!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

and another familiar face is gone

Actor Patrick McGoohan died! He was the father in one of my all time favorite childhood Disney movies, The Three Lives of Thomasina. I can still hear his daughter Mary yelling, "Thomasina! Thomasina!" as the cat jumped out of Mary's bedroom window and ran down a nearby tree trunk into a violent rain storm.

In the beginning of the movie, Thomasina is injured and Mary takes her to her father, the vet. She loves the animal and thinks her father can do no wrong. He tries to save the animal but thinks it has tetanus and orders the cat put to sleep. Mary is devastated that her father allowed her pet to die. Mary and her friends try to bury the animal in the woods but a "witch", Mad Lori MacGregor interrupts them and they run in fear. Lori realizes the cat is not dead, and she nurses it back to health.

Long story short, Patrick McGoohan's character falls in love with Lori and they all live happily ever after. Yes, I was a sucker for romances even as a child.

don't call it a comeback

I watched a couple episodes of The Comeback. It was a VERY SHORT LIVED series on HBO featuring Lisa Kudrow. She played a formerly big time star appearing on a reality show about her comeback in a new TV show.

Lordy, I can't believe HBO showed 13 episodes. Even more amazing, even though HBO canned it, it was nominated for three PrimeTime Emmy Awards!

The first disc held seven episodes and I barely made it through three. It was horrible. It was one of those shows that was so bad you almost felt you had to apologize for watching it.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

How to tell if a couple has been married a long time

Want to know if a couple is a newlywed or long time married?

Here's a way to tell. Give them a jar of Chocolate Body Paint.

If they immediately start giggling and blushing, they're newlyweds.

If they reach for the ice cream and bowls, they've been married a loooooong time:)

running through the rain drops

Thankfully that whole big ice, snow, sleet, freezing rain storm missed us for the large part. We only accumulated about one inch of snow since they predicted this disaster on Friday, and we had about an hour of freezing rain on Saturday, which wasn't pretty.

Now let's contrast this to what the local STORM CENTER weather station called for: SIXTEEN INCHES OF SNOW with hours of sleet/freezing rain/rain/ice thrown in. Yes, this is the sort of bullshit we have to deal with every stinking winter. People get so angry because they're not even CLOSE to the forecast. Although the grocery store owners love it!

Now this is what bugs me: history has shown that they will call for a storm, be way off, call for a storm, be way off, call for a storm, be way off, THEN they'll call for a "warm up" day and we'll get so much snow we won't be able to shovel our way of the house. I'm just wondering when THAT'S coming....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

have you heard

I was flipping channels this afternoon and first I heard a reporter on Fox News talking about music downloads. He said, "With all these downloads, is anyone buying albums anymore?" ALBUMS? My guess is most kids don't even know what an 'album' is, old dude. Sadly, old dude, I do.

Then I flipped onto TruTV and Nancy Grace said something hilarious. She said, "When you point a finger at someone, remember, there are four fingers pointing back at you." Really? Cuz I only have three.

Tough loss for the Tennessee Titans Saturday night. Although I have to admit, I'm not sorry to see them go, because they beat the Steelers recently, and now that we're into the playoffs, the Steelers can't afford to make any mistakes.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

all the news that's too boring to print

I think one of the worst things we have is 24 hour news stations.

They are so DESPERATE to fill up air time that two chicks on MSNBC were actually reading the lunch choices at Obama's kid's school. These people call themselves 'reporters'? Could they BE any more pathetic?

And it's really sad that the death of John Travolta's son has turned into slams against Scientology and his parents. They have a right to do what they feel is best for their child and they have a right to choose whatever religion they want. This is the UNITED STATES. PERIOD.

ice breaker

Dear Mr. Weatherman,
I do NOT want to see ice unless it's floating in booze!!

I do not like it on my car,
I do not like it from afar,
I do not like it on my mutt
I do not like it under my butt!

And now in keeping with this icy theme, I give you this......

Sunday, January 04, 2009

bqwak bqwak bqwak! chicken man! he's everywhere! he's everywhere!

I was in the drive thru line at McDonald's tonight waiting for my--say it with me, kids--unsweetened ice tea, and there was a car in front of me with a couple in the front and two kids in the back. I swear that girl handed them at least eight bags of crappy food.

Anyway, the mother started handing bags over the seat to the kids in the back, and suddenly it reminded me of when we were little and my parents used to take us to Stuver's Family Restaurant or Stuver's Chicken as a lot of people called it. (They were the ones who sponsored the episodes of Chicken Man on the radio at that time;) How we would WAIT for those bags to come over the seat!

I told Mr. G this story and he's made fun of me ever since. He's thinks its a hoot my mother was this cheap. I have news for him, she still is...

But I digress.

Stuvers had a menu similiar to McDonald's, but you could also get buckets of chicken.

I come from a big family, but this was at a time when there were only three of us little kids left at home. As we approached Stuver's, my mother would start with her spiel. "Now, you kids can have a hamburger and fries or a shake and a hamburger, but you CANNOT have all three!" LOL! It's funny to me, too, because double cheeseburgers today are only $1.00, so how expensive could a lousy hamburger have been back then? Inevitably some smart ass--ok, me--would say, "Can we have a shake and fries?" and she'd yell, "No! Because then you'll be hungry and there's no nutrition in fries!"

Ahhh, the good old days:)

Saturday, January 03, 2009

eat me!

I can honestly say I've only ever eaten ONE ITEM on this worst food's list, but I can also honestly say I've never eaten any of the better alternatives either:(

The baddddd food item I ate was the Toll House Ice Cream Sandwich and to answer their question, YES, I did want to get more than a quarter of my calories from ice cream that day!

This is the one that really shocked me. The Hostess Chocolate Pie has the saturated fat equivalent of TWO QUARTER POUNDERS! That is unreal.

One problem with these articles, why do they have to put every item on a separate page? Can't they just have a list so we don't have to keep clicking back and forth? MSNBC is notorious for this sort of bullshit.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Yay! We won!

HottCops won in the "Best Police Friends Blog" Category!!!

Thanks so much for helping me out with your votes.

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a Panda

Ya know it was bad enough when all of the cows had male voices in “Barnyard,“ but I watched Kung Fu Panda this afternoon, and the Panda's father was a DUCK.

Could we at least stay in the SAME animal family, people, so as not to totally screw up the little kids?

There was one cool line from the movie I liked, “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.”

Thursday, January 01, 2009

gifts! i love gifts!

Awww, look what the offspring bought me for Christmas--my own personal flask. That is so sweet. No more lugging those heavy bottles to work in my purse!

They also got me a personal planner. I love that. It almost makes it seem as if I have something to plan, doesn't it?

Why in the world my pictures keep coming up with a 1970's date is beyond me! Chinese junk.

every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end