Tuesday, September 30, 2008

run, fatboy, run

I saw, "Run, Fatboy, Run" and while I thought it was pretty standard fare, this is one of the best quotes I've ever heard. It addresses the media and how the always seem to ask the obvious. To set it up, Simon Pegg's character, Dennis has always been a quitter. He left his fiancee at the altar and now that she's ready to move on with Hank Azaria's character, Whit, Dennis has suddenly decided he wants her back. In a bold move, Dennis announces that he, too, will run a marathon along with Whit to prove he has, in fact, changed. At the beginning of the run, Whit trips Dennis and they both go down. Dennis ends up with a twisted ankle but decides that he can't let it stop him from finishing the race. Long after everyone has finished he is still running and suddenly gets the attention of the news media who race to the scene to interview him as he continues to struggle his way to the finish line.
News reporter: “The loneliness of the long-distance runner: a phrase epitomized by this man, Dennis Doyle. For the last eleven miles, he’s been running on what appears to be a severely sprained ankle. What a testament to the power of the human spirit. Mr. Doyle, how do you feel?”
Dennis: “How the fuck do you think I feel?”
News reporter: “What an inspiration.”

From Real Stories of the Highway Patrol: "The #1 way to avoid a car jacking is to stay alert."
I thought it was "always drive a clunker....."

You can't read one of those identity theft articles without someone including the tip to put your bills in a public dropbox instead of your private mailbox where it might be stolen during the day. And YET the damn post office keeps taking the boxes away. We used to have four in our area, now we're down to ONE. I had to drive around for half an hour today because the mailman went before I could mail my credit card bill. I usually hand it to him if I'm off because he comes right past the house, but I slept in this morning.

I wish people would start listening to this man

Guess he makes too much sense for some people.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Things I Wish Would Go Away .....and STAY AWAY

1. The GEICO Cavemen
2. Bob the asshole Enzyte guy
3. The guy who writes copy for Bob the asshole Enzyte guy and jams 20 cutesy ways to say “penis” and “hard on” into one commercial
4. Commercials for feminine douche, because they never get it right. No matter how much vinegar and water you shoot into your cooch, you’re never going to end up smelling like a “Summer’s Day”.
5. American Idol, because most of the “winners” with record contracts were the losers.
6. The term “wardrobe malfunction.” Call it what it is: a deliberate ploy for attention.
7. The talking Gecko because adults paying for insurance shouldn’t be treated like children.
8. The word “dude”
9 Fist bumping and slap hugging between men
10. The term “smash mouth football.“ I don’t know why, but it drives. me. bonkers.
11. The term “staycation.” Don’t make it seem fun. It’s a broke ass stuck at home go nowhere week because prices are out of control.
12. TV stations that cover our screens with BIG logos for upcoming shows instead of allowing us to enjoy the show currently airing. Yes, MTV, I’m talking to YOU!
13. Stickers on fruit!!!!
14. Idiot weathermen (and women) who stand outside in the middle of hurricanes. We get that 110 mph winds are strong, without the stupid visuals.
15. TruTv reminding us that they used to be Court TV. It was bad enough when Court TV kept reminding us that they were going to be TruTV. A year later and they’re still telling us who they used to be. Let the madness END already.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

this had me rolling

Mostly because the movie looks so damn stupid.

all american reject

WORDS OF WISDOM: "We watch COPS here at The Soup because the staff likes to see themselves on TV." Joel McHale

I read that Sara Palin's popularity is waning. I believe that was right about the time she started speaking on her own, without repeating the memorized party line. Coinkydink? I think not.

Love that Survivor chick who says, "I unintentionally flirt with every guy I meet. I don't mean to do it." What a crock of shit. She knows she's doing it, which means she's doing it deliberately.

I saw Mark Harmon on The Bonnie Hunt Show. I never liked Harmon when he was younger and on St. Elsewhere, but now that he's grey and "more mature," he's definitely a hottie.

say it, don't spray it

There’s a serious commercial currently running on the radio that causes me to burst out laughing every time I hear it. It concerns the rise of premature births in infants. What makes me laugh is the one line in which this chick says, “People don’t understand how sad it is to see your baby in the incubator.” But instead of saying, “INK-u-BAYTER” she pronounces it “INK-a-BATA,” and it’s terrible, but I can’t help laughing every time I hear it. I know. One more reason I’m going straight to Hell.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

some days I'm a super bitch up to my old tricks

My niece asked me to watch her son (5) and daughter (4) on Friday afternoon. Right before she dropped them off, she informed them that “she was going to visit Pap Pap in the hospital because he’s dying.” Thanks. Thanks for that.

Every stinking question for the next hour began with the phrase, “when Pap Pap dies….”.

What a mistake she made telling them before *I* watched them because she should have known I would mess with them. Hey, they’re not my offspring. I don’t have to live with the mental fallout.

And so it began.

"When Pap Pap dies, where will he go?" Florida. Unless he's been really bad and then he'll go to a place called "In-dee-uh," where he'll be forced to utter the phrase "Welcome to Dell, how may I help you?" for the rest of eternity.

“When Pap Pap dies who’s gonna get his stuff?” Whoever can drive to the house the fastest.

“When Pap Pap dies, will he see us?” Yes, and he’ll know if you’ve been naughty or nice, so you better get me an extra good Christmas present this year. I'm thinking upwards of $100.

"When Pap Pap dies, will he still say 'bullshit!' and 'damn it to hell!'?" Not if he has a lick of sense. (Isn't it great how Dad helped the grandkids build their vocabulary?)

“When Pap Pap dies, can we visit him?” Yes, but don’t expect much in the way of a conversation. It will be exactly like all those times you visited him and he was watching Wheel of Fortune, except you won’t have to listen to that stupid story about how he knows somebody who knows somebody who dated somebody who knew Vanna’s mother’s cousin, and he won't be screaming, "buy a vowel, jackass!"

“When Pap Pap dies will he be with Jesus?” No, I think he’ll be with somebody who knows somebody who dated somebody who knows Jesus.

“When Pap Pap dies will he lose weight?“ OUCH! The man's dying and you're worried about his waist size? Cut him some slack. I'm beginning to think death is my only weight loss option, too.

"When Pap Pap dies where will Nana live?" I only know it won't be with me. I value my sanity.

My favorite question was "When Pap Pap dies, will Nana still play bingo?" Unfortunately, yes, and she'll be doing it with what little inheritance I have left.

God love ‘em at least they helped me to laugh, and if I don't laugh, I'll cry.

deja vu all over again...sadly

Fear, fear, fear. That's all we ever get from this President. For months and months, he's been denying anything is even wrong with the economy, now once again, he tries to scare the hell out of us and force Congress to act on a bill without really thinking it through.

Friday, September 26, 2008

out of the mouths of smart asses

Bart Simpson, to his hormone laden 4-H cow: "I don't care how much of a pumped up freak you are, I still love you.....the way Barry Bonds' kids love him."
I received some catalogs in with a clothing order I placed and one of them was for "King Size" clothing for men. Sweet, huh? Used to be call "big and portly" now they're KING size. Beats "fatty fatty bo-blattty" size, I guess. Manufacturers for clothing for bigger women know better. They just call them "women's sizes" because they know anything else will piss the females off. Personally, I think "Chics and Chunky" would make a great name for a women's clothing company.

I was a little spooked Wednesday night when I was walking. I prefer to go around 7ish, meaning that it's getting dark by the time I finish. I was walking up the street on my last time around when a truck pulled off to the side of the road several feet ahead of me and just sat there until I passed. Then as I rounded the corner, it pulled away slowly. Gave me the creeps because it was dark enough that I couldn't see the occupant(s). And there was no one around, so there was really no reason for them to be sitting there. So instead of finishing up around 7:45, I went earlier and finished at 7:30. Problem is I enjoy walking in the dark because there's no one around and I can just listen to my music, zone out and release the stress of the day.

Great article on wacky kid's shows. I just wonder why H.R. PufnStuff didn't make the cut. I remember The Banana Splits, The Osmonds, and The Wuzzles, but not the rest. I love what they had to say about The Wuzzles and the Osmond's ginormous heads...LOL! I think their teeth were as big as their heads in this show...and in real life.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

It's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed and I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?

It wasn't a very good day today. I went to McDonald's to get some iced tea before work and DWACOM (dude with a crush on me) was working the drive thru window. He said, "I knew that was you as soon as I heard your voice. I haven't seen you for a few days." I said, "I've been here." Notice how I dazzle the men with my exciting conversation? Actually, I had gone inside a few days, instead of through the drive thru. I realized that I'm only comfortable in the company of men I know are not attracted to me. The minute I think they're interested in me or think I'm attractive, I go out of my way to avoid them because they make me edgy and uncomfortable. That depressed me. I mean, how fucked up is that?

Then I stopped at the hospital and my dad was in a LOUSY mood. I was trying to feed him and he was yelling at me. Doesn't matter how old I am, I'm still that little kid who hates getting yelled at by her dad. Sigh. Men. Uber confusing. And depressing.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

say that you remember dancing in september

I have an infection in a weird part of my body --no, not my cooch--and dealing with it underscored why I hate taking prescription medication. I know to take probiotics to keep from getting a yeast infection while taking antibios, but I didn’t realize I was going to end up with a horrific earache and a sore throat. Sigh. Never fails. The pills cause more problems than they solve. And I’m half way through my second script, and I still haven’t cleared up the original infection. Keep your fingers crossed.

I watched “Definitely, Maybe” last night. It’s the Ryan Reynold’s movie featuring Abigail Breslin. He tells his daughter the story of how he met her mother. It was an hour and 52 minutes long. (Not a good sign when the first thing I mention is how long the movie was.) It started out EXCRUCIATINGLY slow--hence the mentioning of the time---and it took good 45 minutes before I began to get interested. Several times I debated whether or not I wanted to just send the damn thing back unfinished, but I gutted it out. Much like one guts out a root canal.

I saw Bill Clinton on The Daily Show last night and I have to say, of all the Presidents I’ve known in my lifetime, he seems like the one who I could sit down with and spend time just shooting the shit. He seems really approachable and friendly. When I was little, my mother’s unmarried brother used to visit. He would have been in his 40’s/50’s at the time and he always made me feel uncomfortable. I think because he felt uncomfortable around children. But there would always be that time when my parents left the room and I’d be stuck alone with him. Mostly I spent that time silently begging God for my parent’s quick return. That’s how I think spending time with John McCain would be: uncomfortable and icky. And Obama seems rather snooty. I don’t trust guys who never wear worn out jeans.

Speaking of Bill Clinton, I think he had an excellent idea concerning the financial bailout. He said that in lieu of the gub’ment using taxpayer’s money, it should be loaned with interest and the people should get some of that interest back. He also said that all the home mortgages should be reviewed and rewritten so that people could afford them, not just foreclosed. I like that idea. Give the people a chance to save their homes.

Love how Bernanke says that a recession is likely if they don’t agree to a bailout. What the hell do you call what we’re in right now?

I can always tell when I’m watching an old, old episode of King of Queens. Carrie is really sweet and loving. In the later years, she was a raving bitch.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

don't look down, girl, you know you're holding aces

What a stellar gal Sara Palin is. When she was mayor, women of the town who were raped had to pay for their own rape kits. Nothing like adding insult to injury.

I was in the kitchen at work and my boss was in another room watching The Price is Right. All of a sudden, I heard her yelling “Oh! Ooooh! Oh!” and it sounded like she was in pain. I thought, “OMG! She’s having a heart attack.” I ran into the living room and she said, “You should have seen the big fat lady they just called to come down and play.” Shaved ten years off my life.

I was watching a movie this afternoon, and I love how people rush into the hospital, run up to the first doctor they see and he/she just so happens to be the doctor who took care of their loved one. UNLIKE real life, where you rush into the hospital and sit for several hours before anyone will answer any of your questions.

Speaking of movies, I saw one on Lifetime--the psycho women’s channel--and the guy in the movie went psycho, which is strange. Usually the woman goes psycho and stalkerish. I must admit, it was rather refreshing to see a guy flip out for once. The movies are so predictable though. The couple feared the guy was going to come after them, so the husband says, “Let’s get away for a while.” And the wife said, “Where will we go?” I said, “To a house in a remote location, of course. Preferably deep in the woods. Extra points if there are no cell towers in the area!” Needless to say, I wasn’t disappointed.

Monday, September 22, 2008

josh groban sings tv theme songs

Great job! He even managed to sneak COPS in there:)

hott for teacher

I was feeling really sad on Sunday, so I turned on The Principal's Office because I knew it would make me laugh.

The one chick got in trouble because she refused to take gym because the teacher wanted them to spend 50 minutes outside and the humdittity would screw with her hair. The funny thing is that the principal knew who she was because apparently she always has issues with her looks, her hair or her make-up. Way to not be superficial, kid!

She said, "People here expect me to look good and I don't want to let them down." BWAHAHAHAHAHA! That had me rolling.


First of all, there's a difference between thinking you're good looking and actually being good looking. Secondly, life is going to chew that chick up and spit her out for breakfast when she realizes that no, she ISN'T the center of the universe.

I've got to stop getting all worked up, though, when that one principal talks about spanking his students. It gets my panties in a twist. FWIW, chicks should ALWAYS take the paddle over detention because no way is a guy going to whale on a chick the way he would a guy.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

time to whiskey up the corn flakes

I think a lot of QVC folks might be pissed when they see today’s paper. Last week or so they were selling the new Dell 9 inch notebook for $500+, down about a hundred from the $600+ asking price. In this morning’s paper, Dell is selling the notebook for $349. This 9” laptop makes me laugh, though. We have no idea what we want in this country. First the desktop with the smaller screen, then we keep getting bigger and bigger screens. NOW the mini computer with the mini screen and we’re going smaller and smaller. Ugh. Personally, I like the bigger screen, but if I was a traveler, the mini would be nice because you could put it right in your purse. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought I heard the QVC dude say something about having to get an external hard drive for the mini's but I don't know what that's all about?

Speaking of laptops, I have to have mine repaired. I think the problem is the "stem" where you attach the adapter. I originally thought it was the adaptor itself, but I purchased a new one and it’s still not right. Plus, I’m not having the same symptoms as when the wire in my adapter broke. This just flashes from battery to AC, from battery to AC, so I’m going to have to put in a service call. I want to catch it before it goes completely, and I only have two more months on my in-home repair contract. Damn, I wish I could renew that. Love that in-home service. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is something they CAN do in-home. I’m also having them replace my keyboard (or keys) because since Mr. G has been using this, I have about six keys pushed in. Ugh. He pounds like there’s no tomorrow, and as many times as I’ve said, “DON’T POUND THOSE KEYS,” he continues to do it. I’m going to start saving and buy a desktop. He needs to have his OWN computer to violate. Besides the keyboard on a desktop is a bit more forgiving than the one on the laptop.

When I placed an order for Go Smile through HSN earlier this month, they included a full size lip balm from the same company. This stuff is FANTASTIC. It smells exactly like my favorite suntan oil--Hawaiian Tropic. (Not that I tan, so much as burst into flames…) It has cocoa butter and shea butter in it and none of that icky harsh peppermint like Burt’s Bees lip products.

I noticed a certain trend in commercials. Men are portrayed as blithering, whipped idiots and women are portrayed as desperate. Take that stupid cereal commercial with “Steve,” who innocently asks his wife if she’s watching her weight. Then she gets all pissy with him and finally says, “What else does the box say?” and he says, “The box says ‘shut up, Steve’.” Remember the disgusting commercials the beer company ran in which all the chicks fawned over that asshole Spuds McKenzie, the dog? Well, the GEICO caveman ad ain’t much better. It shows two hot(t) chicks preening for the two cavemen as they get off their motorcycles. Let’s not even TALK about how it is that cavemen can get driver’s licenses and loans to buy vehicles in this country, but hey, we’ll suspend (total) disbelief here. They see a GEICO caveman billboard near the chicks and are totally turned off by it and leave. As IF they’ll ever get a hot(t) piece of tail EVER, so they can afford to be so picky. You know what? I CAN’T suspend disbelief when it comes to those asshole caveman commercials. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. And I won’t buy GEICO insurance BECAUSE of them and their stupid talking gecko, treating people like idiots. I resent their notion that people in this country are so stupid that they must be talked down to, especially when they think our money is good enough.

I’ve seen some bad infomercials in my day, but the one from the Danbury Mint offering state quarters in sets is one of the worst. It shows a dad smashing his kid’s piggy banks because he’s so desperate for a Delaware quarter. Way to go, ass wipe. It’s one thing to steal money from your kid because you need something important, like cigarettes or booze--don’t judge me!!!--but it’s another to steal it simply because you ‘re a nerd with a coin collection to fill. My boss bought those stupid quarters and she’s like, “You can get the whole set for $19.99.” Oh yeah, $19.99 EACH. She found that out in a hurry. For $20 they send you two stupid quarters and a couple of crappy .02 and .03 stamps mounted on cardboard. Weeeeeeee! No wonder she’s broke. At least with alcohol you can forget your troubles. All those dumbass quarters will get ya is a couple snackes from the vending machine. You just know the minute she dies someone is going to pop all those quarters out of the book and spend them. Probably Overtime Hawg.

A dumb looking product is that Step ‘N Shine. It’s a pad with a plastic light on it and you put it by your bed, then step on it and it lights up. First of all the light is so doggone small that it’s hardly going to light much of anything. Secondly, the light is positioned between your feet, so the chances are fairly good that you’ll step out of bed and right onto the light itself. Unless you automatically step out of bed and position your feet about 10 inches apart, like they show in the informerical. Plus, once you start walking, you’re going to block out any light anyway.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

why are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here?

I have to go back to work a day early because apparently Overtime Hawg is in the hospital. She actually asked the boss if she could let her sister work for her so she "wouldn't lose any money". Yeah, let your sister work 57 hours and take all the money. Niiiiiiice. Normally, I'd be glad for the extra $, but it seems like these last three days off have been a flurry of activity with no time to relax. I filled my tank with gas on Friday evening before work and it's already on a quarter of a tank from all the running I had to do Sunday through Wednesday. Sigh.

I've decided to start walking again, and I had a really nice walk this afternoon. The humdittity has broken--thank You, God--and it was a sunny, cool 60ish afternoon, the perfect kind, IMHO. I've discovered that walking to music is much more fun than without, and a good song to walk to because of the beat is P Diddy's "Last Night," as well as OutKast's "Hey Ya!" Besides fall, my favorite time to walk is right when winter starts--when you just have a coating of snow and it's getting dark out, and all is quiet.

I received a begging letter--as Grandma used to call them--from a scholarship fund for American Indians. I was reading through one of the student's letters and she said, "I plan to pay for college mainly through scholarships. I am hoping that I won't have to rely on getting lots of loans. I fear that if I have to get a couple jobs to pay for school, I won't be able to dedicate the time I need to for my school work and studying." That last comment turned me off right there. MANY students hold down jobs and get good grades in college because they have to rely on loans. As a matter of fact, that's how my daughter has been paying for her education all along, so suck it up, buttercup.

Wow. Catholic schools sure have changed since I went to one if this is the sort of stuff they 'study'.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

she's coming! she's coming!

My sunflowers are starting to bloom!

I love sunflowers and I love reading about flower essences. Some people believe that each flower has an essence and the essences can can provide natural relief of emotional imbalances in people and animals. Dr. Edward Bach is probably the most famous person in this area of study.

The sunflower's positive qualities are: unique individuality, spiritualized ego forces infused into a sun-radiant personality.

If you're interested in learning more about flowers, check out the Flower Essences Services website.

i want some of what you're on

They have some of the funniest writers on ShoeBox blog. I love this bit by Allyson about the things to say to the mother of an uglee baby.

How do you feel about this story? On one hand, it's creepy to even think about having sex with someone in a coma. I know some guys complain their wives just lay there during sex, but...damn. On the other hand, she IS his wife, I'm sure he misses her, and at least he's not out screwing around. Do you think it should be a crime for a man to have sex with his own wife? A wife who doesn't have the option of saying 'no'?

Wow. What goes around really does come around. Around and apparently over top of you.

Hmm, I'm beginning to see why the daughter wanted to run away. Gotta admit, slapping them in the trunk sure beats making them stand in the corner...LOL!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

can you hear me now?

Mushy alerted me to John McCain's View appearance and I watched clips last night. I have to say, the women shouldn't have even bothered to have him on if they're weren't going to listen to what he had to say with an open mind. Much better someone like Oprah says, "Not having them on," than pretending to be gracious then railroading the poor guy.

Speaking of McCain, he was in Shanksville on 9/11 to speak at the crash site of Flight 93. He kept his remarks short, eloquent and focused on the people who lost their lives, their families and the significance of the day. I don't think McCain's talk lasted for five minutes, but he laid a wreath then spoke with all the family members of crash victims. He never mentioned nor even remotely hinted at politics.
Yesterday there was a write up by the editor of our local paper in which he said McCain should never have come to Shanksville becasuse despite the fact that he stayed focused on 9/11, the "ceremony...to mark the seventh anniversary of the terrorist attacks was not the place for someone running for president." Because some of the CROWD chose to chant, "John! John" the blame for that should not lie at McCain's feet. He never fed into it. He should not be excluded from the ceremonies simply because he's running for office.
This is a classic case of not being able to please all the people all the time. Had he NOT come, no doubt this guy would have been the first to blast him for not doing so.

you got some 'splain' to do

"In what respect, Charlie?" Ouch. I hope McCain has better answers than this. She reminds me of a student who is required to write a 500 word essay and is filling it with meaningless crap just to get by. Seems comical to me that all the folks who were "rah rah'ing" her are suddenly silent about this interview.

If anyone watches this and thinks Palin's well prepared to step in as leader should anything happen to McCain, they have some serious thinking to do.

just happened to catch this

This is comedianne Janeasne Garofalo....














And this is how some guy was portraying her on an episode of Mad TV I saw while channel surfing. OUCH! I thought she was supposed to be Rosie O'Donnell!

Friday, September 12, 2008

he is so darn cute:)

The voice is familiar but I can't place it. It's perfect for the commercial though.

keep your fingers crossed!!!

I actually managed to grow four sunflowers this year. (Sunflowers & Lilacs are my FAVORITES,:) But while everyone else's are either in full bloom or dying stage, mine are just now getting the flower on them. KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSSED!! I hope it doesn't get too cold before they have a chance to bloom:(

Bristol Palin's Choice

One of Sam's best pieces....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

ahh sugar, ahh honey, honey

Who knew going sugar free was going to be such a PITA when it comes to desserts? I finally found a decent brownie recipe, but even that has three grams of sugar per 8x8 pan.

Now I'm looking for a peanut butter cookie recipe and one of the "sugar free" recipes I found called for regular peanut butter, Splenda half/half white, Splenda half/half brown, and semi-sweet choc chips. Following that recipe, all I would save on is the 1/4 cup Splenda white and 1/4 cup Splenda brown sugar. So the trade-off is a half cup of sugar for a half cup of chemicals. I might as well just make damn regular PB cookies, if that's the case.

John McCain: Reformed Maverick

a dawg with lipstick indeed

She DOES have experience! As a liar....

She also has a problem with ethics. As in, a lack thereof.

Dick Cheney said he sees no reason why Sara Palin wouldn’t make a good VP. Hell, as long as she manages not to shoot her friend in the face, she’s done a better job than he has. I bet right about now Palin’s sorry she didn’t run for President.

While I’m on the subject of politics, I was listening to CNN yesterday and they were asking people about Palin and McCain. One guy calls in and says, “I think the reason people identify more with Sara Palin is because McCain is older than most people. He’s really old.” LOL! Guess he’s never heard of Baby Boomers.

9.11.01

unfrickingbelievable

I never realized just how slow some news days are until Wednesday.

Yesterday morning Jessica Simpson was doing a live concert on one of the morning shows. She started to sing, then stopped and said, "I'm sorry. I know this is live tv, but I can't hear a thing." She waited a few seconds for the feed and started singing again.

THIS was one of the top stories on CNN's Showbiz Today. They even had two gossip columnists weighing in on it! As IF there was anything to weigh in on.

Tomorrow's top story: "Alex Baldwin scratches his ass in public. What does this mean for his career? We'll have to experts tell us!"

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

yet another big O

In the ongoing Oprah/Palin saga, I read today that back in October of 2007, Oprah stated that she would have NONE of the political candidates on her show. Obama was on BEFORE he was chosen as the Democratic Presidential candidate.

BTW, I find it funny that the Repubs are all fired up that VP candidate Sara hasn't been asked to be on the show, but they haven't said jack shit about their PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE being on. Guess they've forgotten who's who.

love it!


Shoebox Blog

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

competition for my Mother of the Year trophy, perhaps?

For someone who portrays herself as a good old fashioned mom, Palin's really doing a fine job with these kids of hers, isn't she? One is pregnant at 17 and another was arrested for stealing vodka from a liquor store then vandalizing buses causing school to be shut down for a day.

While I doubt he'd have to go as far as joining the military for this, it does reflect well on Palin family values, doesn't it?

and people are actually comfortable with HER possibly leading the country?!

From THE SAUDA VOICE:

ON FOREIGN POLICY

Palin Hasn’t Given The War In Iraq Much Thought. Palin told the Alaska Business Monthly, “I’ve been so focused on state government, I haven’t really focused much on the war in Iraq. I heard on the news about the new deployments, and while I support our president, Condoleezza Rice and the administration, I want to know that we have an exit plan in place.” [Alaska Business Monthly, 3/1/07]

Palin Has Never Been To Iraq. In her only trip overseas, Palin visited Alaska National Guard troops stationed in Kuwait and Germany in July 2007. [AP, 7/25/07]

Palin Believes That The Iraq War Is A Task ‘From God.’ Speaking at the Wasilla Assembly of God church in June, Palin said that “our leaders, our national leaders, are sending [U.S. soldiers] out on a task that is from God.” [Huffington Post, 9/2/08]

Palin Believes The Iraq War Was Fought Over Oil. “We are a nation at war and in many [ways] the reasons for war are fights over energy sources,” Palin told BusinessWeek in an interview. [BusinessWeek, 8/29/08]

Palin Didn’t Have A Passport Until 2007. Palin first obtained a passport in July 2007 for her trip to Kuwait and Germany to visit Alaska National Guard troops. Her only other trip outside of the United States was to Canada. A Palin spokeswoman had previously said that Palin had also been to Ireland, although it was actually just a “refueling stop” on her Germany/Kuwait trip. [New York Times, 8/29/08; Politico, 9/2/08]


ON EARMARKS

Palin Supported The Bridge To Nowhere. During her unveiling as McCain’s running mate, Palin claimed that she said, “Thanks, but no thanks” to federal funding for the Bridge to Nowhere. But in her 2006 campaign for governor, Palin repeatedly expressed support for the bridge project, saying Alaska should take advantage of earmarks “while our congressional delegation is in a strong position to assist.” [Anchorage Daily News, 10/22/06; Ketchikan Daily News, 8/9/06, 11/21/06]

Palin Obtained $27 Million In Earmarks As Mayor Of Wasilla. As mayor of Wasilla, AK, Palin “hired a private lobbyist to help the tiny town secure earmarks from [Sen. Ted] Stevens.” “The town obtained 14 earmarks, totaling $27 million between 2000-2003.” [Associated Press, 9/3/08]


ON THE ENVIRONMENT

Palin Denies Man-Made Global Warming. When asked for her “take on global warming,” Palin replied, “A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I’m not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.” [Newsmax, 08/29/08]

Challenging ‘Uncertain Climate Models,’ Palin Is Suing To Lift Protected Status For Polar Bears. After a multi-year court battle, the Bush administration recognized in 2008 that polar bears are threatened with extinction by global warming. Announcing Alaska’s suit to block the listing, Palin said, “We believe that the listing was unwarranted and that it’s unprecedented to list a currently healthy population based on uncertain climate models.” [Reuters, 5/22/08]

Palin Established Illegal Fly-By Wolf Hunting Bounty. In 2007, Palin illegally established “a $150 bounty to the state sanctioned airborne wolf hunters as an added incentive to increase their kills,” soon overturned by the Alaska State Court. [Alaska Wildlife Alliance; Anchorage Daily News, 3/31/07]


ON ENERGY

Palin Is A Top Arctic Wildlife Refuge Drilling Advocate. Palin said she thinks McCain is “going to evolve into, eventually, supporting ANWR opening also” and “I’d like the opportunity to get to change his mind about ANWR.” [Kudlow & Co., 6/25/08]

Palin Opposes Lieberman’s Bill To Prevent Arctic Refuge Drilling. In a letter to Congress opposing the Arctic Wilderness Act (S. 2316), Palin wrote that “as a citizen of the United States” she believes “development [of the Refuge] should be authorized.” [Letter to Sen. Akaka, 11/9/07]

Palin Dismisses Alternative Energy. Palin said that “Congress needs to lift the ban on drilling” because “alternative-energy solutions are far from imminent and would require more than 10 years to develop.” [Charleston Post and Courier, 8/16/08]

Palin Believes It Is ‘God’s Will’ To Build A Natural Gas Pipeline. Speaking to the Wasilla Assembly of God church in June, Palin said, “I think God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that,” referring to a $30 billion national gas pipeline project. [Huffington Post, 9/2/08]


ON BIG OIL

Palin’s First Statewide Campaign Was Fueled By Veco. “While mayor of Wasilla, Palin ran for lieutenant governor in 2002. She gathered $5,000 — or about 10 percent of her campaign fund — from Veco officials or their wives along the way.” [Anchorage Daily News, 9/6/06]

Palin’s Inauguration Was Sponsored By BP. Beyond Petroleum Exploration Inc. is listed by the Alaska Inaugural Committee as a sponsor of Palin’s 2007 Governor’s Balls. [Alaska Inaugural Committee]


ON SCIENCE

Palin Supports Teaching Creationism In Public Schools. In a 2006 gubernatorial debate, Palin “said she thinks creationism should be taught alongside evolution in the state’s public classrooms.” But as governor, Palin kept her campaign pledge to not push the idea in the schools. [Anchorage Daily News, 10/27/06; AP, 9/4/08]


ON WOMEN’S RIGHTS

Palin Is A Member Of Anti-Abortion Group Feminists For Life. Palin is a member of an “anti-abortion group called Feminists for Life.” When running for governor in 2002, she “sent an e-mail to the anti-abortion Alaska Right to Life Board saying she was as ‘pro-life as any candidate can be’ and has ‘adamantly supported our cause since I first understood, as a child, the atrocity of abortion.’” [Anchorage Daily News, 8/6/08]

Palin Opposes Abortion Even In Cases Of Rape Or Incest. In 2006, Palin said that even if her daughter were raped, “I would choose life.” She said that she would support abortion only if the mother’s life were in danger. [Anchorage Daily News, 11/3/06]

Palin Slashed Funding To Help Teenage Mothers. Earlier this year, Palin used a line-item veto “to slash funding for a state program benefiting teen mothers in need of a place to live.” Funding for Covenant House Alaska, which provides transitional housing for teen mothers, was cut by 20 percent — from $5 million to $3.9 million. [Washington Post, 9/3/08]

Palin Supports Abstinence-Only Policies. In 2006, the Eagle Forum Alaska asked Palin whether she would “support funding for abstinence-until-marriage education.” Palin replied, “Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.” [Politico, 9/1/08]

Palin Supports Parental Consent Laws For Minors Seeking Abortions. According to the Anchorage Daily News, Palin was “disappointed lawmakers let a bill die requiring girls under 17 to get parental consent for an abortion. ‘My belief is parents have the right to know about the health and welfare of their children,’ she said.” [Anchorage Daily News, 8/14/08]


ON ETHICS

Palin’s Lobbyist Had ‘Close Ties’ To Don Young, Ted Stevens. “As mayor of Wasilla, however, Palin oversaw the hiring of Robertson, Monagle & Eastaugh, an Anchorage-based law firm with close ties to Alaska’s most senior Republicans: Rep. Don Young and Sen. Ted Stevens, who was indicted in July on charges of accepting illegal gifts.” [9/2/08]

Palin’s Lobbyist Was Part Of ‘Team Abramoff.’ Steven Silver, the lobbyist Palin hired as Wasilla Mayor, also listed Jack Abramoff’s lobbying firm, Greenberg Traurig, as a client. Silver lobbied on issues similar to those headed up by Abramoff, including “Indian/Native American policy” and “legislation relating to gaming issues.” [TPMmuckracker, 9/2/08; Washington Post, 9/2/08]

Palin Served As Director Of ‘Ted Stevens Excellence In Public Service’ 527. Palin’s name was listed on 2003 incorporation papers of the “Ted Stevens Excellence in Public Service, Inc.,” a 527 group that could raise unlimited funds from corporate donors. She also “served as one of three directors until June 2005, when her name was replaced on state filings.” [Washington Post, 9/1/08]

State Employee Charged Palin With Ethics Violation. A state employee filed an ethics complaint alleging Palin tried to secure a job for one of her supporters. The complaint accused Palin and her top staffers of “breaking executive ethics branch and hiring rules. It centers on the hiring of surveyor Tom Lamal, who once co-hosted a Palin fundraiser, for a state right-of-way agent job in Fairbanks.” [Anchorage Daily News, 9/7/08]

Palin Forced Top Wasilla Employees To Resign As Loyalty Test. As Mayor of Wasilla in 1998, “asked all of the city’s top managers to resign in order to test their loyalty to her administration.”[Daily Sitka Sentenial, 10/28/06]

Palin Fired Police Chief For Not Fully Supporting Her. After becoming Mayor of Wasilla, Palin fired the city’s police chief, Irl Stambaugh, writing, “I do not feel I have your full support in my efforts to govern the city of Wasilla. Therefore I intend to terminate your employment.” Stambaugh charged that Palin fired him “because he stepped on the toes of Palin’s campaign contributors, including bar owners and the National Rifle Association.” [Anchorage Daily News, 2/1/97; ABC News, 9/3/08]

Palin Used Mayoral Office Resources For Campaigning. During her 2002 campaign for lieutenant governor, Palin ordered campaign materials from City Hall, had them delivered there, and used city employees on city-aid time to arrange campaign events. According to the Anchorage Daily News, there was “no indication she repaid the city for the incidental expenses the city incurred.” [Anchorage Daily News, 7/21/06]


ON TROOPERGATE

Ousted Former State Official Accused Palin Of Pressuring Him To Fire Trooper. Palin allegedly “tried to get a state trooper fired and she then fired the trooper’s boss because he wouldn’t act on her request.” Palin’s sister was involved in a “bitter child custody battle” with the trooper. [Anchorage Daily News, 7/18/08]

Palin’s Intial Denials Of Interference In Firing Were Proven False. Palin “previously said her administration didn’t exert pressure to get rid of trooper Mike Wooten,” but “an audio recording that shows an aide pressuring the Public Safety Department to fire a state trooper embroiled in a custody battle with her sister.” The McCain campaign now says Palin’s husband and members of her staff had made inquiries “about the appropriate Department of Public Safety procedures for dealing with someone they considered a dangerous person and rogue trooper.” [Anchorage Daily News, 8/14/08, 9/02/08]

Palin’s Lawyer In Investigation Is Also Her Personal Attorney. Thomas V. Van Flein, the lawyer Palin hired to defend her in the trooper investigation, is “representing Palin both personally and in her official capacity as governor.” The AP noted, “Depending on where the investigation leads, that could put him in a difficult situation if Palin’s interests and the interests of the public office diverge.” [AP, 9/02/08]

Palin Has Refused To Release E-mails, Citing ‘Executive Privilege.’ Palin has refused to release e-mails requested by the state’s trooper union, citing executive privilege. Questions have been raised, however, as to whether these documents are actually related to official business, since her husband was copied on some of them. [KTUU, 8/6/08; TPMmuckraker, 9/1/08]


ON THE RADICAL RIGHT

Palin Cheered On the Alaskan Independence Party. Six months ago, Palin “told members of the Alaskan Independence Party” — who advocate for a vote on secession from the union — to “keep up the good work” and “wished the party luck on what she called its ‘inspiring convention.’” Palin and her husband attended the party’s convention in 2000, and “for all but two months from 1995 to 2002, the governor’s husband was registered as an Alaskan Independence Party member.” George Clark, the vice chair of the party, claims that Palin was a member of the party “before she got the job as a mayor of a small town.” The McCain campaign denies the charge. [LA Times, 9/3/2008; ABC News, 9/1/2008]

Palin Welcomed The Hard-Right Candidacy Of Pat Buchanan. Palin reportedly supported Pat Buchanan’s 1999 presidential bid. When Buchanan visited Alaska in 1999, “[a]mong those sporting Buchanan buttons were Wasilla Mayor Sarah Palin and state Sen. Jerry Ward, R-Anchorage.” Buchanan said Palin “was a brigader in 1996 as was her husband, Chris, they were at a fundraiser for me.” The McCain campaign says Palin “never worked for any effort to elect” Buchanan. [The Nation, 8/29/08; ABC News, 8/30/08]

Palin Characterized Ron Paul As ‘Cool.’ During an interview with MTV in February, Palin called Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX), who ran against McCain in the primaries, “cool.” “He’s a good guy,” she added. “He’s so independent. He’s independent of the party machine. I’m like, ‘Right on, so am I.’ ” [MTV News, 8/29/2008]

Palin Believes The Founding Fathers Wrote The Pledge Of Allegiance. In 2006, when asked by the Eagle Forum Alaska if she found the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance offensive, Palin replied, “Not on your life. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me.” But the words “Under God” didn’t appear in the Pledge until 1954. The Pledge itself wasn’t written until 1892. [Huffington Post, 9/1/08; Slate, 6/28/02]


ON CIVIL RIGHTS

Palin Supports Denying Benefits To Same-Sex Couples. In 2006, Palin vetoed legislation denying benefits to same-sex couples, “based on a legal opinion from her new attorney general that the legislation was unconstitutional.” However, she said that she would support a constitutional amendment to deny same-sex couples the benefits. [Gay Republic Daily, 9/20/06; Anchorage Daily News, 12/21/06]

Palin Opposed Expanding Hate Crime Laws. A 2006 Eagle Forum Alaska questionnaire asked, “Will you support an effort to expand hate crime laws?” Palin replied, “No, as I believe all heinous crime is based on hate.” [Washington Blade, 9/2/08]


ON HEALTH CARE

Palin Advocated Consumer-Driven Health Care. While running for governor, Palin attributed rising health care costs to “a lack of competition” and called for “flexibility in government regulation that allow competition in health care.” [On The Issues]

Palin Introduced Health Care Transparency Act. Palin’s Alaska Health Care Transparency Act established “an Alaska health care information office” to help consumers “make better-informed decisions about health care in the state.” The act also called for the repeal of Certificate of Need Laws, programs “aimed at restraining health care facility costs and allowing coordinated planning of new services and construction.” [Gov Tech, 1/28/2008; National Conference of State Legislatures, 8/21/2008]

Palin Did Not Take A Position On Expanding SCHIP Funding. Palin did not advocate for greater federal funding of SCHIP. [Blagojevich Press Release, 2/23/07]

Palin Signed Watered-Down SCHIP Bill. Palin signed legislation updating eligibility for Alaska’s SCHIP program, Denali KidCare, to maintain the eligibility level–which had dropped to an effective rate of almost 150 percent of the poverty line due to inflation. However, by limiting eligibility to families living below 175 percent of the poverty line, Alaska’s eligibility criteria are still among the lowest in the nation. Palin did not support legislation to expand eligibility to higher levels. [National Conference of State Legislatures, 6/2008; Kaiser Network, 5/22/2007; Anchorage Daily News, 4/15/2008]

Palin Failed To Support A Bill To Cover All Alaskans. While governor, Palin “did not get behind the most significant piece of health legislation offered — a proposal to ensure that all residents have health insurance, without disrupting the coverage that many Alaskans already have.” [Anchorage Daily News, 5/17/2008]


ON THE ECONOMY

Palin Left Wasilla $20 Million In Debt. As mayor of Wasilla, Palin cut taxes while simultaneously expanding the town’s operating budget by almost $2 million. She ended her term in 2002 with Wasilla $20 million in debt. [Anchorage Daily News 10/23/06; the Politico, 8/29]

Palin Instituted A Windfall Profits Tax On Oil Companies. In 2007, Palin raised taxes on oil company profits by $1.5 billion a year, enabling Alaska to double its oil revenue. However, in 2008 she said, “Windfall profits taxes alone prevent additional investment in domestic production.” [Bloomberg, 3/8; Seattle Times, 8/10; Governor’s Office Press Release]

Palin Supported Flat Tax Advocate. Palin appeared in campaign commercials in support of Republican Senate candidate Mike Miller, who was advocating the Flat Tax. [Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, 4/24/04]

Sunday, September 07, 2008

o

I think people are trying to not so subtly force Oprah to have Sara Palin on her show.

For once, I hope Oprah stands her damn ground.

Oprah has pretty much let it be known by the tone of the show and the cover of her magazine, that she is in charge of the direction her projects take. And if she doesn't share Sara Palin's views, she shouldn't be pressured into having the woman on, until after the election, as she stated.

This doesn't surprise me, though. After all, Palin and her followers are all about taking away women's choices.

what's the opposite of "funny"? oh, yeah....this ad

When I heard Jerry Seinfeld was going to do Microsoft ads with Bill Gates, I thought it sounded like a winner. Ummm, not so sure after seeing this boring ad.

Friday, September 05, 2008

TAXI!!!

change, my ass

John McCain’s incessant flip flopping continues. I remember yet another Obama forward I got in which Repubs were FURIOUS because Obama said America was a great country then suggested we help “change” it. OMG. How horrible that he would try to “change” America! And how ridiculous that Repubs pretended they didn’t know he was referring to changing what was wrong with the country. McCain used the word “change” TEN TIMES in his speech and his big tagline? “Change is coming.” I’m hoping that somewhere along the line McCain has an original thought of his own.

And while I think McCain’s military service is exemplary, I’m tired of this being the focus of his campaign. What is he doing NOW? Don't tell me about what he did back in 1967. We've heard that over and over and over. Just because he survived as a POW doesn't mean he's fit to run the county. Tell me what he's been doing since he was elected to the Senate in 1986 to make me agree that he'd be a good President. Other than voting with Bush 90% of the time. Are they focusing on the past because the present isn't worth the spotlight?

I’m a little fuzzy on Palin’s Bridge to Nowhere stance, too. Was it that she immediately said, “oh, hell no!” as she's trying to insinuate? Or was it that she said ‘yes,’ took the money, then when she realized there wasn’t enough funding for it and when she saw how pissed people were getting, said ‘no’ and conveniently forgot to give the money back?

Oh, and I LOVED Cindy McCain’s comment on Palin’s lack of national security experience: “"You know, the experience that she comes from is, what she has done in government -- and remember that Alaska is the closest part of our continent to Russia." Wow. Now I know why she doesn’t give many speeches.

Apparently the Wilson sisters have asked McCain to stop using their song “Baracuda” because they do not agree with Palin’s politics. How often has this happened now? You’d think political candidates would ask for permission BEFORE using a song that doesn’t belong to them.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

ya gotta love it

For months now the Repubs have been ripping Obama and his family apart, making fun of his upbringing--he's not black, he's not white, he's a radical Muslin, he's not a natural born citizen and let's not forget the picture of the African grandma. Haha! How many African grandma forwards did I get?

NOW that McCain has chosen Abstinence Palin and her daughter is preggers, they've suddenly gotten a conscience. They're aghast that the Dems are even talking about it. They're horrified that she's in the media! If this was a Democrat telling them to teach their kids abstinence all the while having a kid that is pregnant, the Repubs would have a field day with it.

It's not about Bristol, they're saying. Ironically, it wasn't about Obama's grandma either.

Turn about is fair play.

check yourself

LOVE the O'Reilly/Spears clusterfuck in this clip.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

gawd, NO!

It's bad enough having to put up with chicks who drive around with cars full of Beanie Babies and stuffed animals, now THIS stupid bear phone?! Make up your mind. You're either an adult, responsible enough for a cell phone, or a damn kid who still plays with stuffed animals.

and that's the word

"In 20 months, he's going to make a great vice president." LOL! Love that line.

choke me in the shallow waters before i get too deepl

I told Mr. G that if he wants to kill me, he can skip the poison. He only has to drive me to the bottom of a really steep hill, kick me out and force me to make my way back home on foot.

I do TaeBo five times a week, 50-65 minutes and when I do it, I'm drenched, and the sweat is pouring off of me, so yeah, I'd say my heart rate is accelerated. I also walk the dog five times a week for an additional half hour, but it's on level ground.

Yesterday, Mr. G took me on the walk he usually does on a daily basis. I'll try to remember my camera tomorrow and get pics of the road. It snakes down, down, down, and there's only one way up: the hard way! We did a shorter version of this walk and I'm telling you, my legs were absolutely shaking by the time I got back to the top of the hill. I was DRENCHED and HE WASN'T EVEN BREAKING A FUCKING SWEAT! (Then again, since he was diagnosed with diabetes, he never seems to sweat. Any other diabetics notice this?) Apparently Taebo does NOTHING to build up the upper quads. I will say this much, I was grateful my lungs weren't burning, which is a REALLY big indication you're out of shape, so the Taebo does help. Just not with leg strength.

I thought about this all night long--how much I struggled to get up the hill and how shocked I was at my lack of strength when I thought I was doing pretty good--and I forced myself to go back down again this morning with Holly, though not all the way because she was having problems. For some reason, she has a harder time going down, easier time going up. You don't know how I kept talking myself out of going back down this hill, but I was determined to try it again, and I'm going to go back until I can come up without breathing like an asmatic pervert.

The first time up I kept thinking, "Hot damn. I'm going to be the first person we know to have a heart attack while getting in shape to avoid a heart attack."

no more chances!!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

coming around again

I heard this song the other day and now I'm hooked on it all over again. Geez, it made no sense the first time around, and it's making even less now, but still, I've listened to it about 50 times today. Sigh.

I always loved this song, too, but this was Sophie B. Hawkins, not Edie. They sounded rather similar.

when amos moses was a boy his daddy would use him for alligator bait

Bye, bye, Jerry. (1937-2008)

# 1 chick when I step out on the scene

The media seriously needs to lay off female celebs and their weight gain during pregnancy. It's bad enough that they dog them when they're not pregnant, but to hound them during pregnancy when gaining weight is a sure fire thing, is down right despicable.

I feel sorry for these women because they can't win. They're either too fat or too thin. No wonder so many young women have eating disorders.

Pregnancy is a time when women shouldn't have to watch every damn calorie they put in their mouth. Working the weight off will come soon enough. Women are already uncomfortable during pregnancy. They don't need the Weight Police following their every move.

The press dogged Lisa Marie and now they're after Ashley Simpson, monitoring her weight gain, saying it is "right on target". Who the hell are they to decide what these women should or should not be gaining? Suddenly everybody's a well qualified obstetrician.

that about sums it up

"Palin and McCain make a good pair: She's pro life and he's clinging to life."

guess who's coming to denver

I loved Jon Stewart's comments about Obama's promises and his "humility".

Summer Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

I wish people would stop sending these forwards with huge ass fonts. They're a pain to erase.
------

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, September 5th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM .

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday
12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday
10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at
2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at
7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday
7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum

Monday at
8:00 PM , 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at
6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's
noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at
7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM .

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM , location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

g*ddamn it, rescue me already

I was watching a Hallmark movie called "For the Love of Grace" Saturday night. It was about a woman whose life was headed in one direction until she was saved from a deadly housefire. Then she turned her whole life around.

The funny thing is that the hero of the movie was a firefighter so they showed several scenes in the firehouse. After watching Rescue Me, I've come to expect certain things of firemen: swearing, fighting, measuring their penises and bragging about their sexual expertise.

This movie had NONE of those things. No one "fuck you," not one "g*ddamn it!" and not one guy pushing a ruler against their schwang. Sigh. Kinda disappointing....LOL!

Monday, September 01, 2008

bottoms up!

Because I actually had a holiday off today--YAY!--Mr. G and I went to Ryan's for lunch. It kinda cheeses me off when a waitress only has two jobs--bringing drink refills and rolls--and we have to chase her down to do so.

The only time we saw our waitress was when we asked another waitress to get her half way through our meals so we could get drink refills and when we were leaving because she was sitting another couple in her station. She can't even say her lack of service was due to the fact that she was busy because it was only Mr. G and I and another couple in her station the entire time. She was hanging around the cash register trying to get folks into her booths. Mr. G said, "Maybe she could wait on the people she already has?!"

In contrast, there was a waiter in the area next to us, Matt, and he was so damn attentive I wanted to give him a tip and he wasn't even our waiter!

This is the second time this has happened to us lately. We went to Ryan's about two weeks back and again had to chase the waitress down for drink refills.

End result: crappy tip.

i'm sorry Palin supporters but....

This woman is a freak! WHO talks like this after finding out their 17 year old unmarried daughter is pregnant?

"Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents," Sarah and Todd Palin said in the brief statement.

"Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family," they added.

Evidently someone with a paid speech writer on their staff. Kudos! They did everything except extol the virtues of sex at 17 sans birth control. Why in the world would you encourage a 17 year old CHILD to marry? It's nuts. Marriage is difficult enough when both partners are adults. But for a teenager? Geez. Talk about compounding the problem.