Wednesday, April 30, 2008

amanda kelley lives on

Can't these law breaking skanks get men their own age, or what? Gross.

I ordered peel and stick window privacy tint and it cost me $9.42 a roll. Son of a BITCH if the shipping wasn't $9.99! When I complained, they said that they didn't set the shipping costs, but UPS or the post office did. Excuse me? They could have still cut me a break on the cost and when it comes time to rate them on Amazon, you better believe I'm going to mention this. And yes, I would have bought it somewhere--ANYWHERE--else had I been able to find it. I already had half a window finished so I needed the same stuff, and the place where I bought it previously, doesn't carry the white anymore.

Now that l've been walking Holly near the RR, I wonder about some of the graffiti I see on the cars. For instance, today I saw, "Amanda Kelley lives on" on the side of a car. Oh, and Garfield eating lasagna. That one was cute. And pretty self-explanatory. But I couldn't help but wonder who Amanda Kelley is and who put that on there. After seeing some of the "art work," I have an overwhelming urge to sneak up onto the tracks and spray paint, "hottcops.blogspot.com" onto the side of a car:) Right about that time, the police would come by and arrest my ass.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

is it my imagination...

Or is the mother of Meatloaf's kid in this commercial 80's pop singer Tiffany?!

so much for supporting the military, eh, Bush?

The U.S. military is promising action to address conditions in a barracks at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, after a soldier's father posted images on YouTube showing a building that he said "should be condemned."

"This is embarrassing. It's disgusting. It makes me mad as hell," Ed Frawley said of the building where his son, Sgt. Jeff Frawley, had to live upon his return this month from a 15-month deployment to Afghanistan.

coldplay freebie!

For the next 24 hours, Coldplay is offering a free download of their latest song, Violet Hill. Go to their website and fill out the short info form and you're good to go!

love this!


from Shoeboxblog.com

juuuuuicy!

This is waaaaay better than the cat fights between Obama and Hill!

lots of pomp and very little circumstance

Female Offspring #1 has officially graduated with her Masters in Public Policy. Yay! Wish I knew what that meant. Keep your fingers crossed that she finds a good job, because I already have our retirement trailer in the woods picked out, and it ain’t cheap!

Monday, April 28, 2008

drew looks at me, i fake a smile so he won't see

This shit is getting ridiculous.

A new law being pushed in Canada by Big Pharma seeks to outlaw up to 60 percent of natural health products currently sold in Canada, even while criminalizing parents who give herbs or supplements to their children.

Hmm, so let's see if I have this right: Miley Cyrus posed for a partially nude photograph, for photog Annie Leibovitz. Her parents were on the set when it was taken and they all agreed it was great. NOW that it's out, Miley is finding it's not so fabulous. Famous photographer or not, WTH were her parents thinking agreeing for a 15 y.o. to have this sort of picture taken? Nothing like fostering the notion that a female is the sum total of her body parts. She had this good, wholesome image going, showing young girls that you can make it big and not be slutty, and then this. And I LOVE Disney's line, "...a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines," something Disney would NEVER do, no doubt. Puhleeze. If you discuss something with your parents and the photographer and you ALL agree, you can hardly cry "manipulation" at a later date. I saw the picture and I have to say that she hardly looks "beautiful," which was her original comment about the pic. I think she looks sickly, but then what do I know about 'artsy' shit?

COMPLAIN?! The jackass ought to be GRATEFUL. When he's finished being a drama queen about this, maybe he can write a diet book. Hey, a one hundred pound weight loss isn't anything to sneeze at, and Lord knows he has time on his hands.

Awww, nothing says 'love' like a knock down, drag out brawl. Notice how the bride immediately protects her man when outsiders try to help her from (allegedly) being abused? If that ain't love, I don't know what it is (stupidity). Wooo hoo! You go, gurl! You defend that man so he can (allegedly) beat you up another day!

Friday, April 25, 2008

sing, sing a song, make it simple to last the whole day long

My mother used to wake us up in the morning with song. You don’t know how annoying that can be when you want to sleep. Anyway, I still remember a couple of them. She used to sing one line, that I thought she made up, “There you are, happy landing on the chocolate bar,” but I just googled it and it’s actually from “The Good Ship Lollipop.” Hell, no wonder I have a chocolate fetish.
Then she used to sing–and this one REALLY annoyed because she’d snap the blinds to the top at the same time and the morning sun would shine right in your face making it IMPOSSIBLE to go back to sleep–”It’s time to get up, it’s time to get up, it’s time to get up in the morning. Don’t you hear that whistle blow? Don’t you know it’s time to go?” I don’t where that song is from, but for some reason, I always thought it might be a military related song because Daddy was in WW2 or railroad related because my grandfather used to work on the RR.

Remember the story I posted the other day about the fireman who thought a “woman” was pregnant only to find out it was a really fat guy? Ugh. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Well, it should be interesting to see how pissed off the Christian Coalition gets when they get wind of the upcoming show, Swingtown. Set in the 70's, it follows the lives of several couples in Chicago, who have open marriages.

ripe and juicy

I rented the first season of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David, creator of Seinfeld. The episode we watched last night, “Beloved Aunt,” was absolutely hysterical. Larry’s wife’s aunt died and he promised to write up an obituary for the paper. He asked that it read, “…loving sister, beloved aunt,” but there was a typo and it actually read, “…loving sister, beloved cunt.” LOL! Then he bought a gift for Jeff’s mother and he kept asking everyone if they knew how he could get it wrapped. That is SO like my husband. He was pumping gas and he said to the mechanic, “How would one go about getting this wrapped?” Then he was all caught up in the fact that he’d also have to have tape, scissors and a bow. He said, "Wow. This is really getting complicated." It was hilarious. He ended up giving her the gift unwrapped and the first thing her husband said was, “A gift? What kind of gift is that? It’s not even wrapped.”

Billy Ray Cyrus’ kid is going to write her memoirs. Good grief, she’s only 15. What’s she going to say? “I remember way back when I was in grade school…three years ago.”

My cousin sent around a HUGE emailing reminding us that stamps are going up in May and that we should “stock up” on the Forever stamps. Yeah, I should spend a whole bunch of $ on stamps because they’re going up a whole PENNY. Forever stamps are the biggest rip-off ever. The only time they’re worth anything is if you buy them right before a price increase and even then, what’s the point? It’s not like your making a huge savings at one penny per stamp. Once there’s a hike, the “Forever” stamps go up in price, too. Is anybody actually dumb enough to sucker for this scam? Other than my cousin, of course.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

they say it's your birthday

Happy Birthday to Bugs,

Happy Birthday to Bugs,

Happy Birthday to Buuuugs,

Happy Birthday to Bugs!

(This is why we nearly starved when I went through my "songwriter" phase.)

So, what did you think of that card I sent you....tomorrow.....

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

exit strategy?

Sad, but true.

And isn't Rob Riggle sexy? Puuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

left outside alone

MY 1500th POST!! I never realized I was so gabby....

WORDS OF WISDOM: “Hilary Clinton accuses Barak Obama of stealing all her ideas. That must be why he’s wearing all those yellow pant suits.” Stephen Colbert

Go Hillary!! And thank GOD, I’ll get a brief respite from those damn political phone calls. Tuesday we had two from Hillary, two from Obama, and four from local dudes running for office.

I was in a beautiful, deep sleep around 4:30 this morning when some strange noise woke me up. It was coming from the woods, and it sounded like a small dog had been injured and was making an “err ruff! err ruff!” sound, but you could tell it wasn’t a dog. About two weeks ago, Mr. G said he heard the same thing early in the morning when he was out walking the dog. He said he also hear something running through the woods one night and he thought it might have been a wild turkey. Do wild turkeys make weird noises like that during the night? Unfortunately the damn thing kept me awake long enough that I couldn’t fall back to sleep till after 5:30 and I had to get up at 6. Arrrrggghh!

I watched Dr Phil yesterday because they had people who had been taken from that polygamist compound in Texas. Today they had two young men on the show. Rarely do you hear from male cult “survivors.”
They talked about some of the guys being kicked out because they were “competition” for the older men since the young girls are required to marry the old dudes. What struck me was when the woman said that as a child she was constantly being stimulated by her half-brothers or her dad. I’m wondering how many pedophiles are “born” that way? I mean, if you’re taught that it’s okay to touch your little sister, does that carry throughout your life? And what about if you leave the “church”? Do you still think it’s ok to touch small children? I also wonder how many pedophiles flock to these sorts of cults simply BECAUSE of constant exposure to small children? The woman who was on the show said her father had 56 kids and they were taught that anyone outside the walls of the compound would abuse them. How ironic, huh? One woman said her dad told him the “evil people,” aka anyone outside the compound, would grab them by their ankles and beat them against a telephone pole. Nancy Grace was all yammering and bitching about these women getting out, but come on. They’ve been beaten down emotionally from the time they were young girls. They don’t KNOW any differently. I felt really sad for them because they lined them up for the media and they kept saying, “I’m really happy here” and you could see they were almost zombie like in their lack of emotion. I also felt bad for the two young men, because it was very clear that even though they knew what was going on with their siblings back in the compound was wrong, you could see they missed their families very much.

I’ve been noticing something with school buses lately that surprises me. Several times in the last few weeks, I’ve been behind a school bus and when they make their stop, they deliberately angle the driver’s side front wheel across the double yellow line, into the other lane of traffic, EVEN when the child is boarding the bus on the same side as the door. I mentioned this to a co-worker who has school age children in that district and she said they do that if they think the driver in on-coming traffic is not going to stop. In other words, they force them to stop one way or another. I’m sorry, but I think that’s an incredibly stupid thing to do. They’re now putting all the kids on the bus at risk if the driver doesn’t stop. Adding to that the fact that kids do not have seat belts on a bus, and I think it‘s a totally unnecessary risk to take. No seatbelts in the buses totally ticks me off. You can be fined if your small child isn’t in a car seat, yet they can ride a public school bus and not have to be belted in.

There was a news story on this morning about a woman in Florida who found an 8 foot alligator in her kitchen. The funny part was when she called 911 and the operator said, “Are you sure it’s an alligator? Are you sure it’s not a really big iguana?” LOL!

On my way to work I travel through several different neighborhoods and it strikes me as a bit ironic that the people with the crappiest yards have fences around them. Are they afraid someone is going to stage a drive-by cleaning?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

i'm not so think as you drunk i am

Thanks, Bugs!

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or
on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning

curb your enthusiasm

My boss had the Today Show on during breakfast today because Laura Bush was co-host. This was a groundbreaking moment and we know that because Matt and Ann told us so repeatedly. Because it was Earth Day, Mrs. Bush showed off their ranch home in Texas. How ironic. George Bush, who has done absolutely NOTHING to help the environment, has an eco-friendly home. He has a water return system that automatically waters the trees and vegetation, and he has his own windmill to produce electricity. Great to see that he’s doing all he can to reduce HIS energy costs. What about the rest of us?

I had to laugh when Ann Curry asked Laura Bush how Geo proposed to her. “I’d like to ask you a question and you can say ‘no’ if you want. You don’t have to answer.” Geez, you would have thought she was asking how many times they had sex in the last month.

There was also a report on kids with ADHD having high incidences of heart problems. The reporter said, “No one is saying ADHD drugs cause heart problems.” Of course, they’re not. Despite the fact that the pills raise blood pressure and stimulate the heart, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that 1 in 50 kids on the drugs have heart issues.

I love it when ads state the obvious. There’s a radio commercial currently running for a home improvement company and they say, “We come to you.” Well, duh. It would be a tad difficult to work on someone’s home from the comfort of your office.

I had to drop some junk off at my aunt’s house after work today. While I was there, a guy came to drive her to the polling place. She has a car and she has no problem driving, but she could out-miser Scrooge. The minute she found out volunteers were driving people to the polls for free, she was all over it. As she was getting into the car, I heard her say, “Now while we’re out, I’d like to swing by the WalMart and get some cream for my hemorrhoids.” Yes! Way to work the system to your advantage.

There was a news story online today titled, “Pennsylvanians are sour on the economy.” First we’re bitter, now we’re sour. BTW, I don’t think the rest of the country is exactly sweet on the economy either.

well we're waiting here in allentown, for the pennsylvania we never found

As you know, because the news outlets refuse to let us forget, today is the Pennsylvania Primary. I, for one, can’t wait. l’m sick of all these taped political messages I’m getting on my answering machine. I’m actually looking forward to more of those exciting messages from Mom that go something like this: “Are you there? pick up. Are you there? pick up. Why aren‘t you picking up? I know you’re there. Are you there?” You can tell the “Do Not Call” law was written by a politician because their intrusive messages are exempt. Bastards.

The offspring have been ragging on me because I didn’t attend any of the political rallies that have taken place in the city in the last week or two. It’s been a regular Clintonapalozza here. First, Bill, then Chelsea, then Hillary, and now Bill again. And in the back of my mind I know that we will NEVER. SEE. THESE. PEOPLE. IN. THIS. TOWN. AGAIN.
The conversations went something like this:

Female Offspring #2: “Mom, are you going to see Hillary Clinton?”

Me: “No, I’m working that day. You know I‘m too damn tired to do anything after a 10 hour work day.”

Male Offspring #3: “Well, Chelsea will be in Central Park. Are you going to see her?”

Me: “No, I’m off that day. You know I’m too damn tired to do anything on my days off because when I’m working, I work 10 hour days.” If you remind them often enough, they will leave you alone….

Female Offspring #2: “Mom! When the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile came to town, it was all you talked about for weeks! You took off work, then you got up six hours early to be the first one standing in line.”

Me: “That was different. I took off work and got up early because I thought I was going to get a free hot dog. Or one of those incredibly cool Weinermobile whistles. Gawd, I love those whistles. I could blow that all day long.”

Male Offspring #7: “I bet if Hillary gave away free hot dogs, she’d win.”

Male Offspring #6: “I bet if Hillary gave away free whistles shaped like breasts, she’d win. And I bet if they had hot dogs shaped like breasts, guys would eat them every day.”
Male Offspring #6 is in that “breast loving” phase, which I hear lasts from the day a male is born until the day he dies…or is turned gay.

Female Offspring #2: “Stop talking about breasts! Mom, you really should make an effort to see hear these speeches.”

Me: “Hey, I watch the Daily Show AND The Colbert Report. I am a well-informed American. Now turn on FOX so I can get some completely unbiased news.”

When you do vote today, Pennsylvanians, remember the words of Ben Franklin, who said, "Well DONE is better than well SAID."


I woke up this morning with the song “Superstar” going through my head, which is weird since I hardly know the song. I kept hearing the lyrics
“you are what you say you are, a superstar…” I got out to the car this morning and started it and wasn’t paying much attention to the song on the radio until I heard the last line of the lyrics. It was “you are what you say you are, a superstar, Then have no fear…” That is so freaky.


I’m backing Holly off on the thyroid medicine a week or so. I think it’s building up in her system, the same way it does in people. Saturday she was up pacing and barking around all night. And natch, she decided to sleep in MY room, instead of Mr. G’s. He was off the next day, I wasn’t. Every hour or so, she’d get up, shake off and nudge me with her nose, as if to say, “Come on! Get up!” and I’d say, “It’s *insert time here* in the morning. I am NOT getting up now. Go to sleep!!”

I had to include this news story because for some reason it just made me laugh. I mean I can almost see these two in the hallway…”You move!” “No, you move! I was here first!” Oy. Grow up.
Two Polk County sheriff's deputies were suspended without pay after getting into a pushing match with one another in their home.
Deputies say Robin and William Pagoria, who are married and work for the Polk County sheriff's office, got into an argument Friday when one refused to move out of another's way. Deputies say the argument became physical and both ended up being arrested.
The pair was charged with battery and suspended. They have been working for the sheriff's office since 2005.

The woman who plays Ashlee on the Guiding Light is having gastric bypass on the show because apparently she had it done in real life. I'm happy for her if this is her choice, but I'm sad to see this happen. It seems like every time there is an overweight woman on tv--which is VERY rare--they're forced--either subtly or not so subtly--to lose weight. Whether it's from overt pressure from the network or peers, or personal pressure people put on themselves because they're "different," the message always ends up being that we all must look the same--thin--or we're worthless. I was really happy to see Caitlin Van Zandt on GL because she's not the usual daytime actress. I was happy that she was able to do something few women have been able to do. She was a role model for young women of size in that if she could do it, they could do it, and now I'm sad that she's "conforming" right along with all the others.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

stinkiest catch

WORDS OF WISDOM (from a reality tv show chick): "Alcohol lets you let down your prohibition." Booze....it does a brain gud.


AHA! Next thing you know, we’ll find out the entire show has been faked up in a tv studio. Just like the Apollo moon landing….


You tell me this isn't boooooring. The kid spends $800 on a flat screen and the old man doesn't even scream, rant OR rave. Throw something, Dad!!! Hell, makes me wish he was MY old man!

Wow. I thought the “male drama” on Deadliest Catch was a snooze fest. I caught a few minutes of that “Girls Next Door” crap with Hef. The mother of the chick with the hideous monotone laugh was entertaining Hef and the other chicks, and she only had–GASP!!–three napkins and she needed FOUR!!! I haven’t seen anything that exciting on TV since Beaver got a paper route. The creepiest part of the show was when the chick intro’ed Hef to her grandpa… and they were the same age.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

restless tonight, just wasting the light

These political candidates are unbelievable. In Pennsylvania, Derek Walker is running for Congress and he’s been charged with felony burglary and criminal trespass. A former gf is accusing him of allegedly stalking her and for invasion of privacy. So an ad detailing this runs on the noon news, paid for by his opponent, Matt Shaner. Not five minutes later, Walker runs an ad about how Shaner was arrested for drunk driving after wrecking and fleeing the scene of the accident. Lovely. Politicians are so shameless now that they don’t even wait to become Congressmen before they commit crimes.

Americans are such suckers for junk. My boss is buying the complete state quarter collection. She’s paying fifteen bucks for two quarters and a couple stamps mounted on cardboard, the total cost of which doesn’t even equal a dollar. Damn. No wonder she’s running out of money to pay us. Sigh.

I am so glad Overtime Hawg isn’t in charge of my medication. The boss is really sick and O.H. waited all week to call in for a prescription for her. The pharmacy brought the antibiotics yesterday after I left around 6:30. I came in this morning and she said, “You have to start her on these pills.” I said, “What?! Why didn’t you start her on them last night when they came?” She said, “Because the pharmacy said you have to have a full 24 hours between doses.” I said, “So?” She said, “To get the full 24 hours, you have to wait till morning to start because it was too late.” I was dumbfounded. I’m like, “In other words, you can only accumulate 24 hours if you start in the morning? 6:30 pm Friday to 6:30 pm Saturday is not 24 hours?” She thought about it for a long time, then said, “Oooooh.” Yeah, that’s why it says right on the damn directions to give them the same time each day. So the boss had to go sixteen hours without her medication because dip squat couldn’t figure out 24 hours is not 6:30 AM, but 6:30 PM. There is one aspect of this job that I am NOT going to miss and she's it.

Friday, April 18, 2008

internet porn simulator

On South Park this week, they explored the possiblity of waking up to ---GASP!!!--NO INTERNET!! Naturally, the loss of internet porn was getting to some of the guys so......

Thursday, April 17, 2008

deadliest (and dirtiest) catch

I posted this on South's site and someone took me a little too seriously....LOL!!

South tricked me into watching that stupid “Deadliest Catch” by telling me the guys looked like cops. I. Don’t. Think. So. Cops are handsome and sexy and most importantly, THEY BATHE REGULARLY!!! They take pride in their appearance, unlike some “fisher people” I know.

Besides, “Deadliest Catch” is full of guy drama, and that‘s even more contrived than chick drama. At least chick drama is funny, and it’s funny because the basis of chick drama is “the whole world revolves around ME.” And it doesn’t even have to be serious issues that set them off. “I can’t wear this shade of pink lipstick! I’ll look like a freak! Every one will stare at me! Besides it makes my face look fat and my whole world will end! I‘d rather kill myself!!” All the women at home are screaming, “Kill yourself! Kill yourself!” But “Deadliest Catch” drama went something like this, “I should fire him.” And we’re at home thinking, “Eh, fire him. Who gives a shit?” Chicks on “reality tv”are not afraid to go ballistic over the smallest of things. You so much as think about looking at them and they’ll scream, throw things and they will kick ass. When the guy on “Deadliest Catch” was pissed, he said, “Where’s my antacids?” Riveting. Although to be fair, I guess it would be difficult to kick ass on a boat. I mean, there’s only one way to go and that’s over the side. Wouldn’t that make for great tv, though?! “Where’s Joe?” “I kicked his ass and left him in the Bering Sea.”

In the episode of Deadliest Catch I watched, the seas were choppy. [Oh, sorry. That could be any one of the episodes.] The guys looked like they hadn’t shaved or bathed or used Mitchum in a month. [Again, sorry. Could be any episode.] And they caught fish and crabs. Weeee! So different from all the other eps. Now let’s compare to COPS, which is so different. On COPS they chase criminals every week and arre—oh wait. Ok, it IS the same every week, but they LOOK GOOD DOING IT and that makes all the difference in the world. That’s more than I can say for those fisher dudes. Quick! Somebody send these guys a hair brush and a mirror! And some pink lipstick…

soooooooo

Recapping the news stories of the last week or so, we've learned that water is not good for us, vitamins are not good for us and herbs are not good for us.

Gosh, what IS good for us? Oh, yeah, prescription drugs and soda!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

jesus is coming! well, close....

Run the sweeper, kids, and put on your best duds, the Pope is coming! Wouldn’t it have been great if, instead of wasting millions on security and travel to come to the U.S., the Pope instead donated that money to his struggling Catholic schools to keep them open

What?! The Catholic Church helping it’s own parishoners? That’s just ridiculous.

Hmm, Rumsfeld is writing his memoirs. Will he ramble on about the war? Absolutely, yes. Will it be candid? Gosh, of course. Will it annoy the hell out of some people? Golly gee, it will. Will he write the same way he speaks? Lord, I hope not.

remember?

It's been one year since the Virginia Tech shooting. Remember.

praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

I can't WAIT for the Pennsylvania primary to be O-VER. Every day I get phone calls from the Hillary and Obama campaign headquarters, begging me to vote for them, and telling me when/where I can see them in person. As IF I'd leave the comfort of my trailer to listen to their bullshit. The upside is that when this is all over with, I can go back to clinging to my bitter silence, my guns and my Jebus.

Did you see this story about the pillowfights in NYC on World Pillow Fight Day? Wish I could have gone. I would have packed a couple bricks inside my pillow.....

I was watching Stephen Colbert in Philadelphia last night and I got a kick out of him touring the history museum. He kept asking if he could touch the artifacts, and the guy said, "I really can't let you touch the artifacts." The minute he turned his back, Stephen touched them anyway...LOL!
It was also hilarious when Stephen laid under the Liberty Bell and said, "Well, there's your problem right there. The clapper's stuck."

Mr. G wanted to get Lasix surgery because his left eye is at as a strong of a prescription as the eye doctor can give him. He asked me what I thought and I told him I was really concerned because Lasix is basically a cut to the eye that has to heal and diabetics have a hard time healing. I did some research and found out that about 47% of diabetics have problems with Lasix surgery, but only 7% of non-diabetics have problems. He kept talking about it, so we scheduled him an eye appointment. They gave him a couple tests then he came out into the waiting room, then they called him back and he was with the doctor for OVER an hour. I was really starting to get worried. I knew the doctor was with him because he was the last appointment of the day. Finally he came out and said that he wasn't a candidate for Lasix, but he could have the PRK surgery, which basically reshapes the surface of the cornea. However, while Lasix recovery is a day, PRK takes seven days. The doctor told him he wouldn't do anything, though, until Mr. G got his sugar down to a 6. It's an 8 right now. He was disappointed, but he continued talking about this other surgery. Tuesday afternoon he called me and said, "I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing. My boss's S-I-L is an eye doctor and he said diabetics have a very hard time with Lasix because of healing. Plus almost half of them experience problems." I said, "I TOLD YOU THAT!!" Guh! Lasix is basically cutting a prescription into your eye. So when your eye changes, you have to go in for more surgery, and you have to have a thick enough cornea to do that, because each time they go in, they peel back a layer of the cornea. Mr. G was born with thin corneas, so that leaves him out as far as Lasix is concerned. Personally, I'm glad the answer was clear cut like it was. He wanted it so badly that I was afraid he'd refuse to listen to his intuition.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

phew! that's a wheel load off my mind!

Apparently there's some sort of guard in the wheel well and it's falling apart and dropping down and THAT'S what my tire is rubbing on. The dude at the garage thinks he can put it in place somehow....

another satisfied customer

Lordy, I LOVE those days when my husband calls me from work just to say “sex was great last night”:) And it was with ME! (Just felt I should clarify that;)

Monday, April 14, 2008

the wheels on the kia go round and scrape, round and scrape, round and scrape

I had my winter tires taken off over the weekend and now the passenger side front tire is rubbing on the wheel well when I back up or make a sharp turn. I called the garage and explained what was happening and that I didn't have this problem with the studded tires and the guy said, 'Well, what would be causing that?!'

I said, "I was kinda hoping YOU could tell ME that." LOL...

From the "karma police, throw this bitch in the hoozegow file":

When I went to work Sunday night, my boss was upset because –hello!–freaking Overtime Hawg asked her if she was going to miss her when she went to the home. My boss is sick to begin with and I decided enough was enough. I know damn well she’s bringing this up to the boss because she’s pissed her husband is no longer permitted to come to WORK and sit on his ass watching TV with her. When she came in Monday morning, I said, “Why do you keep bringing up this crap about the boss having to go to a home?” She said, “I didn’t bring it up. All I said was ‘will you miss me when you go to the home’?” [Both times I heard that, I think the boss should have responded, “HELL NO!”] I said, “And that’s not bringing it up? You have to know this is upsetting her, so why do you keep doing it?” Get this–she said, “I just don’t know what to talk to her about anymore.” So you taunt her about having to give up your home and your beloved cat. This is made all the CREEPIER by the fact that Overtime Hawg leaves every day by kissing the boss on the cheek and telling her she loves her! GMAFB! THEN O.H. blurted out, “I don’t care where she goes or what she does.” BINGO! First honest words I’ve heard her utter since she started there. I said, “Well, try to put yourself in her shoes,” and she said, “Oh, I am putting myself in her shoes,” and I walked out the door. What a deliberately cruel person.

Surprisingly, the night before, the boss said, “She doesn’t care about me. She only cares about the money.” I was really shocked to hear her say that because although we all got that a long time ago, she never acknowledged it out loud.

ride the cliche

I TOTALLY disagree with the Dr. Phil show for bailing out one of the teenagers in that vicious beating that's been shown on The Today Show. His "anything in the name of ratings" b.s. is ridiculous. And it insults the public's intelligence to expect us to believe that the people from the show who did it had no idea it was wrong. They backpedaled because they were found out. My husband mentioned the other day that it seems like young "women"--and I hesitate to use that word because it implies some level of maturity--today are much more aggressive and physically violent than ever before. But what do we know? We're just bitter, gun-toting Pennsylvanians....

My boss is really sick and I can't help but wonder if her guardian isn't going to use this "chance" to put her in a home right now. She's coughing up a storm and I'm afraid it's going to turn into pneumonia again. It's a dry cough right now, which could mean her congestive heart failure is progressing or it could just be a cold. Either way, I feel for her and her situation. She absolutely refuses to even consider the option of going into a home, and if she has to go to the hospital, her guardian just might see this as a way of transitioning her out of the house. The other night she said to me, "I can't go to a home. The doctor told me I'll never last in a home. It'll kill me." Way to go, Dr. DumbAss. I swear some of these jerks don't even THINK before they speak. Coincidentally, she has the same Dr. DumbAss my dad has. When I went to visit him the last time he was in the hospital, he was really depressed and I asked him why. He said, "The doctor came in today and said, 'well your heart is really weak'. Like I needed to hear that!" What a jerk. Doctors don't realize how much power to HEAL they have, IF they wanted to heal. Just hearing, "You're going to be fine," gives a person so much hope, and that makes a big difference in the healing process.

Mushy posted about his granddaughter's first car, and it made me think about my first car, a Buick Century, and how much of a BIG deal it was to drive to school. I thought about this again yesterday morning as I passed the high school I attended on my way to work. It was FABULOUS to be able to drive to school, and when the bell rang in the afternoon, all the kids were running to get a good seat on the bus, and you were sauntering in the other direction towards the senior parking lot, no cares, no worries. You were able to come to school ten minutes before it started, instead of a freaking half hour on the bus. And you were able to get home in five minutes because you didn't have to go through all of those stops. The only part I hated was paying for the gas:)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

scene on my fridge

Only in MY home would someone take the time to spell that out instead of just opening the doggone freezer door and getting food. Sigh.


And the drama continues....

Saturday, April 12, 2008

it's about time, it's about space, it's about time to slap your face

VANILLA ICE WAS ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE HE HAS TALENT!!!

Ooops, he was arrested for spousal abuse. To make matters worse, they refer to her as Mrs. Vanilla Ice. Good Lord, hasn't the woman suffered enough being married to the likes of him?

why me, sun? why me?

Thus begins my cruel dance with nature. Friday morning I woke up–ok, the dog woke me up with her incessant barking–and the sun was shining. I jumped out of bed–ok, the dog was annoying me so damn much, I wanted to put her barking ass outside–and decided to wash the sheets. Nothing I like more than the smell of clean sheets air dried in the sun–except for sex, chocolate, walnuts, pasta, my diamond ring, my car and some of my offspring. I warshed the sheets–as we say here in Western PA–and hung two of them out. Before I could finish the load, I was distracted by the fact that the mailman left my mail in the box and I was 100% POSITIVE my huge check from Publisher’s Clearing House was amongst the bills and various begging letters. I walked up to the mailbox and by the time I walked back–all of two minutes–the sun went in and it started to rain. DAMN YOU, SUN!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

are you dating a murderer? find out with this handy dandy quiz

My girlfriend is considering dating someone she met online. She’s nervous about it, so I told her I would come up with a little test she can give him to discern his mental state.
Feel free to print it out and pass it around to all your friends who are also considering internet dating.

Here goes:

1. We have an argument and you’re very angry. Do you:
a. Walk away and allow yourself to cool down
b. Sulk in silence
c. Chop me into little pieces and stash me under the front porch.

2. What is your sexual type:
a. Stud
b. Shy
c. Sadomasochistic

3. Which of these well known people do you most identify with:
a. Ron Jeremy
b. David Beckham
c. Charles Manson

4. Which group best describes your favorite type of music:
a. The Osmonds
b. The Stones
c. The Killers

5. Your favorite way to spend your free time:
a. Hunting/fishing/anything outdoorsy
b. Football/basketball/anything ballsy
c. Stalking

6. Your favorite moment in American politics is:
a. Bill Clinton blowing his wad on Monica Lewinsky
b. George Bush Sr. tossing his salad on the Japanese Prime Minister
c. Ted Kennedy "accidentally" making a turn on the Chappaquiddick Bridge


7. We’re married and my mother wants to come live with us. You:
a. Adamantly refuse
b. Bitch, but eventually give in, and learn to coexist with her
c. Lace her Ensure with cyanide

8. Your favorite movie is:
a. Ernest Goes to Camp
b. Brokeback Mountain
c. Natural Born Killers

9. Your fantasy vacation is:
a. Backpacking across Europe
b. Skiing in Vail
c. An isolated cabin deep in the woods where no one can hear a person screams

10. We go to a bar and you order your favorite drink for me to try. It is:
a. Scotch and water
b. Gin and Tonic
c. Rohypnol and Coke


Mostly A’s: you’re a fun guy, whose willing to try adventurous things!
Mostly B’s: you’re a tad immature, but a good woman could mold you into a wonderful spouse!
Mostly C’s: congratulations! you're psycho!

i was raised on pinochle and the America dream...

You know I likes me some Hillary, and yeah, I know that makes a lot of you want to vomit, but there ya go. Having said that, this has to be one of the CHEESIEST ads I've seen in a long time. She's talking about her summers in Scranton and she says, "I was raised on pinochle and the American Dream" Because we all know that Pennsylvania is the pinochle capitol of the world.
Who writes this stupidity?! Actually, it's a tie between this ad and her lame Martin Luther King Day speech. "I came back to the dorm and threw my bookbag on to the bed!" OY. Take some acting lessons if this Presidenting thing falls through, will ya, Hill?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

can you help me unravel my latest mistake

Lowdown move on Obama’s part to give away free tickets to a Dave Matthew’s concert during a Bill Clinton speech at Indiana University. If that’s how you have to get your voters, no damn wonder people don’t trust your motives. Worse yet, some idiot kids actually swayed their vote because of it. That’s pathetic. What’s next? “Buying” votes with free iPods and music downloads?

Mr. G and I watched “I Am Legend” last night. I guess the gist of the movie is that most of the country has been wiped out by some sort of epidemic and Smith is a scientist, Robert Neville, trying to find a cure. (One tends to wonder what the point of that is at this late date?) The “people” who are living have rabies type symptoms, which I guess turned them into vampire types who live in the dark. (Hey, I never claimed to be all about the details.) For the first part of the movie, it’s just Neville and his dawg Sam. Sadly, Sam was bitten by one of the vampire folks and contracted the virus. Neville was devastated and all alone, talking to mannequins. Then a woman and her son travel to NYC to meet Will after hearing his radio transmissions. Unfortunately, not long after, she was PMS’ing something awful and ragged on Will about not putting the toilet seat down, so he shot her, preferring total silence to the sound of her constant nagging. So much for him being so desperate for company that he begged the mannequin to say ‘hello’ to him, huh? Too bad he shot her before she had a chance to use that infamous put down: “not if you were the last man on earth!”
A few minutes into the movie, Mr. G asked was why there were so many lions in New York City. My first question was why in the world did Will Smith’s character bother to set his alarm clock when he was the only one alive? Not like he has a demanding schedule to keep. Then we both wondered where he was getting his electricity, running water, internet and radio broadcasting signals if there was no one else alive? The people who made this movie lost me when Will Smith’s character had to strangle his infected dog, Sam (aka Kona) a beautiful German Shepherd. SCREW THEM!!! I HEART DOGS!! I would have found the movie much more enjoyable had Smith been killed off and the dog lived. I have a hard time buying Smith in a serious role like this. He’s ok, but I think he’s better at comedy. Luckily he did NOT sing in this movie and not a single “get jiggy widdit” was uttered. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the best, I rate this a "big, freaking waste of time".

If the CW had to have a show called “A Farmer Wants A Wife,” couldn’t they at least have picked a STUDLY farmer, instead of some scrawny guy? I’ve seen the calendars. I know there are tons of sexy cowboys and ranchers out there.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

she was a sour girl the day that she met me

I cracked open the old wallet and ordered one of those Buxton purses they’ve been advertising on tv. You know the ones that show you how to fix the contents of 25 purses into one? I really like the style of the purse, it’s like a mini-backpack, but the purse stinks. Literally. I don’t know what material they used to make this purse or what they put on it, but it smells like it was painted with enamel paint, then sealed in plastic while wet. When I opened the bag, I almost keeled over from the stench. I took it to work with me yesterday and had to put it in another room because the smell was giving me a horrible headache. Same thing when I went to bed last night. I had to take it out of the bedroom because it stunk up the joint. My gf suggested I wash it off. I tried using hot, soapy water and all this black stuff came off, but it STILL stinks. I guess I’ll have to hang it outside overnight and see if that helps. With any luck someone will steal it. It would totally serve them right.

Jesse Ventura, what are you thinking?! He looked so hott bald--check out the front cover of his new book--and now he just looks icky. He’s bald on the top, but shoulder length hair in the back. Shoulder length hair that’s dyed, I might add.

If you’ve ever listened to the Mirena birth control commercial--it’s called ‘boredom,‘ people--there’s a phrase in there that gets me every time. The announcer is talking about the “perfect candidate” for Mirena and she says among other things, “is in a stable relationship.” I guess if you’re dating a bunch of guys you don’t need birth control. Besides, we all know the best time to have a baby is when your relationship is NOT stable.

I read that they are rioting in Haiti because food prices have gone up 50% in the last year, and they’re on the rise again. The article went on to say that the average person in Haiti spends about $2 a day on food. I could probably only do that if I ate Ramen noodles three times a day. Then again, with Ramen noodles, I might be able to eat five of those a day and I could have a dish of jello for dessert.

Yesterday when I talked about the misleading diet ads, I forgot to mention that Jillian chick from FOX. I think her ad is one of the worst. They flash a picture of her in a bikini and she says, “I got this body from eating pizza, burgers and chocolate.” WRONG. She got that body from eating portion controlled food, some of which were pizza, burgers and chocolate, and from EXERCISE. The magazine industry has done enough to sabotage women in this country. Now this. Stop setting women up for failure!

Monday, April 07, 2008

jagged little pill

YAY! Blogger added the one feature I loved on WordPress. You can now pre-date your posts. Log into http://draft.blogger.com, write up your update, change the date and time, then hit "publish" and you'll see a msg. telling you when it will be posted to your site. Cool beans, huh?! This will allow me to set up my HottCop posts days in advance.

Who remembers the days when we used to be able to watch the news without being constantly bombarded with stories about rising gas prices? Yeah, me neither.

I enjoyed my TaeBo work out last night after work. Some days I really look forward to it and other days, I dread it. I’ve exercised all throughout my married life, but it’s just now that I’m trying to see it as a good thing. Mostly I thought of it as a chore. Now I see it’s something positive that I do for myself, something that makes me feel better. Funny, but other than housework and gardening, I never remember my mother doing a lick of exercise. No exercise bike, no aerobics, not even any nightly walking, which might be why I viewed it as a negative thing. Mr. G always exercised, though, and when we got married, I started doing it, too. On another exercise note, someone close to Billy Blanks really needs to explain to him the meaning of the word “base.” During the Power Rounds DVD, he equates the workout to climbing a mountain. In the one DVD, he says, “We’re at the base of the mountain now. Right in the middle.” In another DVD, he says, “We’re at the base of the top of the mountain.”

I’ve tried more than once to get into The Sopranos, but I can’t get past the fact that Tony Soprano sounds like an idiot when he talks. It bugs the hell out of me.

I see Marie Osmond is the latest celeb pimping a diet plan, Nutrisystem. I think companies like Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig and any diet company that pays a celeb to lose weight should have to disclose publicly on their ads that the celeb had personal trainers and dieticians helping them, as well as the diet food. By not disclosing this important information, they’re setting up unrealistic expectations for the viewing public. I think they should also have to disclose how much money the celeb was paid to lose the weight. Let’s face it, a million bucks is damn good incentive, especially if you’re a tad “washed up,” like Tony Orlando.

There is a rise in “Geisha Guys” now that Japanese women are earning more money. Apparently they’re willing to pay FIFTY GRAND to have these guys spend time with them and compliment them, something they say most guys aren‘t willing to do. My guess is ‘most guys‘ would be more than willing to compliment them for 50K. For the amount of $ they’re shelling out, these chicks should just hire themselves a male personal assistant. Not only will they compliment them, but they’ll get some work out of them, too, and they probably won‘t have to pay them near as much. . BTW, they showed video on CNN with this story and I could NOT tell the men from the women. The one that I thought was a woman actually turned out to be a guy. Apparently I wasn’t the only one with this problem. Even Bob Van Dillen said, “No way is that a guy.”

Speaking of CNN, when I was watching a few minutes during breakfast this morning, they showed a video from a riot that took place during Cedar Fest. Cedar Fest is apparently a fest in which college kids praise the mighty Cedar. During the fest, they went amuck, as college kids often do when Cedar trees (and large amounts of alcohol) are involved. In all this rioting and smoke bombs and police presence, you see a chick standing in the middle of the street, flashing the peace sign while she mugs it up as her gf takes her picture.

Those online astrology sites are so accurate sometimes, it’s scary. Take this article, for instance. It discusses the favorite types of shows for astrological signs. It says this for my sign, Taurus: Taurus
"It's no secret that you like the finer things in life and that you aren't above doing what's necessary to get them, much like the money-seeking, upper-class players in the eccentric nighttime drama Dirty Sexy Money. This show seems an obvious fit for channel-surfing Taureans not only because of its materialistic, driven, and sometimes selfish cast of characters but also for its unapologetic display of wealth and luxurious living, two things you desire and with which you can probably identify."
Wow. It could not be more wrong. I hate that sort of stuff. I love comedies. And Mr. G has often told me I'm the least materialistic person he knows. In other words, "it doesn't take much to please you, does it?"

You know who makes a LOUSY on-screen cop? John C. McGinley, the guy who plays Dr. Cox on Scrubs.
Yuck.

a rush of blood to the head

Well, here's something I never even thought about. What will people screw with next?

This story really renews my faith in big pharma and doctors.

Ewwww. I love how the dad said he "initially" thought it was wrong to have sex with his daughter. Gee, ya think?

Doggone Flickr ticks me off. They specifically ask if you want your pictures included in searches and I always pick "no." Yet every day I get a bunch of hits from Google searches with my Flickr pictures.

you're beautiful

This is Australian comedian Tom Cleeson making fun of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." I love it. My favorite line is when he says, "I saw your face in a crowded place," and Cleeson yells, "It's called 'public transport'!"

As far as James Blunt goes, I think this is one of the dumbest music videos I've seen in a long time.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

i hope you have the time of your life

Another big THANKS to Mike South for helping me get my TWOG site onto Stat Counter. I LOVE Stat Counter, and now I have the stats for all my websites all on one page. YAY! I’m in StatWhore Heaven. I didn’t have any problem getting my Blogger pages on StatCounter, but I had no clue how to do the WordPress one.

I was TRYING once again to discuss future job/college options with Female Offspring #2 last night when Female Offspring #7 interrupted. She informed me that I don’t have to worry about her job, because she has it all picked out. She’s going to be an Island Princess. Damn it. First Mushy with that Miss Bimbo site and now Barbie. They’re killing me here! BTW, way to go, Mattel. Nothing like setting little girls up for some unrealistic expectations.

One of the least stressful chores in my life used to be purchasing toilet paper. I mean really, what were the choice? White or white? Then the tp industry tried to shake things up a bit by putting a goofy design on the tp and duping us into believing their paper was “quilted.” Yeah, you can really quilt paper. Now they’re dicking with the sizes. You have your regular roll and your big roll aka the GRANDE--sounds like something you’d get at Denny’s with a side of bacon. Then we have the giant roll and the mega roll. What’s next? The ultra mega giant? I’m not sure if this is the companies way of trying to confuse us on the pricing or if it’s their way of telling us something. Maybe they’re working in conjunction with the diet industry and feel that because we now have bigger asses, we need bigger rolls of toilet paper? Personally, I’d just like to find tp that doesn’t leave a million little bits of paper on ME. After all, that’s the whole idea behind wiping yourself CLEAN.

I think this is one of the most disgusting ways of preying on a person’s fears you can find. A local crematorium is running this ad in the paper: “Seems all funeral homes want to advertise cremation. Yet most are mere middlemen, jobbers who drop a person at the crematory, leave and never actually perform or even witness the cremation itself. So, ask yourself, how they could possibly know: whose ashes are in the urn?”
If the only way you can get business is to scare people when they are at their most vulnerable, what does that say about YOUR business ethics?

I was reading a newspaper article about some new sites that are helping consumers who have problems with companies and feel they have not gotten a fair (or any) resolution. Check out consumerist.com, where people are putting the spotlight on companies with poor customer service. Often times, the business will post a response on the site and/or get in touch with the customer and make things right. Two other sites are consumer affairs.com and ripoffreport.com.

Madonna is staunchly defending her marriage to Guy Richie, claiming it is not in trouble and that sex with him is “incredible.” Uh-oh, she feels the need to compliment his sexual prowess. They must be in trouble.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

scene on my fridge

I was taking down the Easter stuff today and found this. They just can't let it go......

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

stop wasting my time and gimme some money

Yay!! My main site now uses Word Press! Damn that was hard work. You know, waiting around for Mike to do all the hard work;)

In case you haven't heard, experts are recommending hands-only CPR. Hopefully more people won't be leery of helping out in emergency situations now.

A pastor from NY who told his wife he was going to Best Buy to get his computer fixed was found in a strip club in Ohio. What? They don't have Best Buys in New York or Pennsylvania?! Who knew stripper chicks were so damn handy with the computer.

I could not WAIT to get out of work on Monday morning. Overtime Hawg and Boss #2 had a HUGE fight. I walked in and OH started boo hoo’ing about it, then she left and I went in to see the boss and SHE started in on what happened. I’ve never seen her so angry and quite frankly, I was really afraid she had a heart attack during the night. I usually hear her up and about going to the bathroom, but she was quiet all night long. OH can’t figure out that the boss is pissed at her because she keeps bringing up the fact that the boss will have to go to a home. On the way out the door, OH said in her nasty tone, “She’s just mad because she knows what’s coming and she’s taking it out on everyone around her.” I said, “Well, if she forgets, I’m sure you’ll remind her.” I think it’s downright cruel to be bringing that shit up. And then to have the balls to cry, “I hope I don’t lose my job.” It might be HER paycheck, but it’s the boss’ LIFE. I nearly LMAO when OH said to me, “I told her I’d come over and clean for her for free.” I thought, “What a load of shit. She doesn’t even want to clean for her NOW when she’s getting paid for it.”

I just saw a clip from the show, Moment of Truth in which a woman admitted she should have married her ex-bf instead of the man she’s currently married to. That show should NOT be called Moment of Truth. It should be called “Greed.” If you’re willing to hurt your spouse, your family and your so-called best friends, for cash, you’re not “honest.” You’re greedy.

Mr. G wanted to see the first season of Gunsmoke, so I ordered it from NetFlix. The later seasons are run quite frequently–or at least they USED to be until that damn Ted Turner gobbled all the Westerns up and started–you guessed it–the Western channel. They had commercials from the show and the one was for L&M cigarettes. There’s James Arness extolling the virtues of cigarette smoking, and each time the ad ended with “enjoy life and live large!” Yeah, with lung cancer. The only old ads I remember were the Borax ads that ran during Death Valley Days. I don’t remember the cigarette ones. One question I do have about these old Westerns: why is it that every time they emptied their canteen, they threw it away in a fit of anger? Wouldn’t the smart thing to do is hold on to it until you DO find a watering hole? And for anybody who thinks today’s shows are violent, they seriously need to watch some of these old shows. People were shot and killed in almost every episode.