Monday, December 01, 2008

you PMS like a bitch, i would know

Today is a high holy day in Pennsylvania: first day of deer hunting season.

I should have KNOWN better than to let those kids come home for Thanksgiving. Now I can’t get them back on the airplane to boarding school. I had to tell them we were going to Disneyworld to get them on in the plane the first place. I don’t think they’re going to fall for it a second time. Sigh.

Speaking of the offspring, they were very concerned that I’ve lost more than 3/4's of my hours at work. Or as they put it, “OMG! You’re not going to be HOME WITH US, are you?!” Just for that, I’m putting off job hunting until after Christmas vacation. I want the offspring to bask in the glow of me….until they‘re screaming for mercy.

Today as I was wrapping Female Offspring #7’s Barbie Christmas crap, I was thinking how Barbie has it made in the shade. She has her own three story dream house, several “other” houses, a plane, horse, a Volkswagen, windsurfer, glam vehicle, pool, beauty salon, boat, Corvette and a Jeep.
But then I thought about all she’s had to do to sustain this sort of glamorous lifestyle. Barbie has been a dentist, doctor, nurse, pediatrician, surgeon, vet, hair dresser. She’s been in the army, the navy, the air force AND the marines. Freakin’ overachiever. She’s been a firefighter, cop, life guard and Canadian Mountie. Too good to be an EMT, I guess. She’s been an astronaut, pilot, stewardess, and a NASCAR driver. She’s also worked at McDonald’s, been a chef, cowgirl, business exec, babysitter, waitress, taught several different languages, was a designer and hair designer as well as a paleontologist. Her college tuition bills must be THROUGH THE ROOF. I wonder why Barbie has never done porn? Think about it. All she does is lay there with her big fake boobs, vacant stare and painted on smile. She’s a natural!

I was thinking back to the toys my family had when I was little, and one of my favorites was a hobby horse on springs. We used to ride that sucker as intently as if we were rounding up cattle…LOL! We had a blast with that thing. Probably where my love of cowboys came from. Course now days, the hobby horse would have to be motorized.


BRUNO said...

And, Barbies' done it all while only needing the MALE support of Ken & his "friends" for the modern-day "love-triangle"! (Although in Barbies' case, it'd be more like a stop-sign shape!) Use 'em, lose 'em, and reap the palimony!!!

Ya' see what happened to poor ol' G.I. Joe. After she was finished with him, they done a "Steve Austin" on him---"We can rebuild him. Make him BETTER, STRONGER!"

Except in Joe's case---he also got SMALLER, and CHEAPER...!!! LOL!!!

Shrinky said...

Over-achiever my arse! The only reason she's such a job-hopper is 'cos she can't hold a single one of 'em down for five seconds, can she? How do you think she pays for all that crap she surrounds herself with? Embezzelment, hon, pure and simple. She makes off with the company payroll, and high-tails it to another town. You do know she's been all over the world and back again, don't you?

Ah, don't listen to me, I'm only jealous. My ma could only afford me a Cindy doll as a kid, left an impact. Sigh.

*Goddess* said...

Barbie should have dumped Ken's sorry ass FOR GI Joe if you ask me. Now there's a man's man!

*Goddess* said...

Whoa, Shrinky, you have a point. Could ADHD Barbie be far behind?!