Sunday, December 07, 2008

visiting the oldsters

Once again my husband has returned from an 'old people' Christmas party, bitter and confused. I keep trying to tell him that old people hold younger people hostage at these sorts of events by withholding good food, but he won't listen.

Last year he went to the party at the home where his mother lives and had to sit through carol singing, 26 old people sitting on Santa's lap, 26 old people having their picture taken with said Santa, and 26 old people opening their gifts. If you have no idea how long something like this would last, envision your hyped up children doing all of this, then slow down the process about 1000 excruciating times over. Alas, he came away hungry and angry.

I said, "Look, old people are smart enough to know that the only reason you're showing up is for the free food. They're going to withhold it as long as possible because they know you'll leave the minute your belly is full."

My grandmother used to be the QUEEN of this. She'd invite you for a meal and say, "We'll eat at 2." By six o'clock you were in tears, begging Grandma for food. She'd be all, "It's my food and I'll put it out when I'm good and ready. Now shut up, and eat another puffed wheat ball and a glass of water." By eight, your stomach was so bloated from the puffed wheat and water, you didn't care if she EVER put out the real food.

Merry Christmas, old people!

1 comment:

BBC said...

Hey, I'm getting up there and I'm not like that at all. If I say that we are eating at 2:00, by god we are eating at 2:00.

And if you want to you can have dessert first. And we don't sing no damn carols here.