Wednesday, October 29, 2008

the snow man cometh

And if the leaves on the tree are any indication, we aren't ready....

I also had my first cup of one of my favorite herbal teas to ward off the chill:)

who knew the Vietnamese were such fans of big boobs?

You know, it IS true. My boobs do make me a better driver...especially when I use them to steer....

Vietnam is considering a ban on small-chested people driving motorbikes - a proposal that has provoked widespread disbelief, all the more in this nation of slightly built people.

The ministry of health recently recommended that people whose chests measure less than 28 inches (72cm) would be prohibited, as would those who are too short or too thin.

The proposal is part of an exhaustive list of new criteria the ministry has come up with to ensure that Vietnam's drivers are in good health. As news of the plan hit the media this week, Vietnamese expressed incredulity.

"It's ridiculous," said Tran Thi Phuong, 38, a Hanoi insurance agent. "It's absurd."

"The new proposals are very funny, but many Vietnamese people could become the victim of this joke," said Le Quang Minh, 31, a Hanoi stockbroker. "Many Vietnamese women have small chests. I have many friends who won't meet these criteria."

It was unclear how the ministry established its size guidelines, and an official there declined to comment.

The average Vietnamese man is 1.64m (5ft 4in) tall and weighs 55kg (121lb). The average Vietnamese woman is 1.55m tall and weighs 47kg.

Statistics on average chest size were unavailable.

The draft, which must be approved by the central government to become law, would also prohibit people from driving motorbikes if they suffer from array of health conditions like enlarged livers or sinusitis. The rules would cover the vast majority of Vietnam's 20m motorbikes. It would not apply to car or truck drivers.

Motorbikes account for more than 90% of the vehicles on Vietnam's roads, and many workers in the nation of 85 million need them to do their jobs.

When Nguyen Van Tai, a motorbike taxi driver, heard about the proposal, he immediately had his chest measured. Much to his relief, Tai beat the chest limit by 7cm.

"A lot of people in my home village are small," said Tai, 46. "Many in my generation were poor and suffered from malnutrition, and now the ministry of health wants to stop us from driving to work."

Vietnamese bloggers have been poking fun at the plan, envisioning traffic police with tape measures eagerly pulling over female drivers to measure their chests.

"From now on, padded bras will be bestsellers," said Bo Cu Hung, a popular Ho Chi Minh City blogger.

Newspapers were inundated with letters today from concerned readers who worried that they wouldn't measure up.

"I'm not heavy enough. What am I going to do?" Le Thu Huong asked in a letter to the Tuoi Tre newspaper. "And what about people whose chests are small? Most of them are too poor to afford breast implants!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

i'm not over you just yet

It's so strange how life works. Last night I came across this blog that mentioned "crossfitting" and I had no idea what it was. I thought it had something to do with Jesus and exercising:) Tonight I'm reading my email account and one of the stories questions the safety of CrossFitting. Weird.

Speaking of the cops in our town--great segue way , huh? I’m starting to feel rather sad for the cops in the small town where I walk. There are only 8 cross streets and 4 uppie/downies. They literally start at the bottom of town and work their way up and down each street. Yes, they’re that bored. If you’re walking and you catch their eye, they will IMMEDIATELY drive by to check you out. And you can almost hear what they’re thinking, “Lord, please let this chick have a bag of weed hanging out of her back pocket or a crack pipe behind her ear. Do NOT let her just be exercising. Let her be here to make a drug deal or a prostitution deal or a---oh, crap. She’s just exercising. Sigh. Now what street was I on?”

Saturday night I was waiting for the baseball game to start and they were showing eps of “Til Death” because of the rain delay. On one episode, Joy was stopped by a cop, and I really wish I had the clip because it was hilarious. First she flashed her cleavage and then when he asked to see her license and registration, she leaned over to get it out of the glove compartment and knelt on one knee and stuck her ass in the air. It was so funny. The cop gave her a ticket and she was bummed because she felt like her sexy days were behind her. At the end, an old guy gave her a twenty five cent break on her $5.25 parking tab and she was psyched. “We’re calling it even at five bucks. Did you hear that, people? I’ve still got it!” I’m like, “hmm that sounds vaguely familiar. Where have I heard it before….McDonald’s six cents tax break on ice tea…twenty five cent break on a a parking tab…hmm, can’t figure it out where I've heard this before.....”

I watched "What Happens In Vegas" tonight....meh.

Monday, October 27, 2008

something I saw on the street during my early morning walk....

love..exciting and new

I told my boss that I liked romance novels, and she said,
"I have one you might like," and she gave me this one.
LOL! The copyright date is 1959!

lessons (not) learned

The offspring were busy Sunday pouring over the Toys R Us Christmas catalog making their lists for Santa. I thought it might be a good time to teach them a lesson about the joys of giving, so I sat them down and said, "Your dad and I have decided not to buy each other Christmas gifts this year. It's silly to waste money on things we really don't need, so we're going to take the money we'd normally spend on each other and donate it to charity."

I could tell they were really listening.

A short time later they all came into the living room and Male Offspring #3 said,
"We've been talking, and since you and Dad aren't going to buy Christmas presents for each other....well we were wondering."
Hallelujah! They finally figured out the true meaning of Christmas. "Yes?"
"Instead of donating your money to charity, could you spend it on us?"

Sunday, October 26, 2008

get off the fence!

I was standing in line at the store today when the guy behind me turned and said, "Hey, you're kinda cute."

I said, " 'Kinda cute'? You need glasses. I'm not 'kinda cute'. I'm damn cute."

if you're in the market for a new laptop for Christmas...

Big Lots has a very nice HP for only $550 this week. It has a 250gb hard drive and a 15.4 inch screen. It's wireless with a 5 in 1 digital media reader and webcam--for live sex shows;)
At $550, that's a great deal and probably won't last long.

Mr. G has informed me that I am NOT in the market for a new laptop. Sigh.

Actually, I'm not. Now that Gateway has replaced my mother board and my keyboard, I'm still lovin' the sweet little laptop I have:) but I do want to get a desktop at some point. My hours have been cut in half at work, so it won't be any time soon.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

roll it over in your mind

My favorite "Halloween" candy o'all time was the wax lips. LOVED the waxed lips. I hated it when neighbors would toss the damn candy corn into my bag UNWRAPPED. Gross. I don't know where their hands (or that candy corn) have been.

Some interesting new twists on the second season premiere of Eli Stone. I'm happy to see writing of the show is as strong as it was in the first season. I recently saw a TV Guide interview with Jonny Lee Miller, the star of the show, and I was stunned to hear his British accent. I knew he was from England, but in the show he has absolutely no accent. I often wonder how people are able to do that. I have to admit, though, I can't imagine him being married to Angelina Jolie! Course it was a long time ago...

oh muh darling oh muh darling what's her name

Some of these news stories on the recession are absolutely unbelievable. I just saw one that was talking about ways to cut back, and the reporter started with, “This is blah blah dressed for Halloween,” *pause for dramatic effect* “ in last year’s costume.” OMG!! OMG!! The child had to reuse a Halloween costume! She’s undoubtedly scarred for life. Try living in a family so poor *pause for dramatic effect* that you had to sleep in your Huckleberry Hound costume night after night! Ok, that never happened, we were middle class, but I did have a Huckleberry Hound costume.

Did anybody ever stop to think that this recession might be a good time to teach your child that Mom and Dad are not an endless supply of money? That they are times that you want something you can’t have?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

hmmmm a title would be nice

I think it's definitely time to get the old bifocals. I was watching a story on CNN about a repo man, and it showed the guy and then I THOUGHT it said, "Was Peeler" under his picture. I'm like, "Holy shit! THAT guy was a stripper?!" Then I realized it said, "Wes Peeler" and it was his name. Oy. Am I ever red faced. Sorry, Wes, not that you wouldn't make a good stripper.

Richard Lewis was ranting like a crazy person on his Daily Show appearance. I can't figure out how he said all that gibberish without stopping to take a breath. I can't even imagine what it would be like to live with that guy.

If I read the phrase, "and without changing her diet, she lost weight," one more time, I'M GOING TO SCREAM. OR another favorite, "the weight just fell off."

Are dates and figs the same thing?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

you can show me yours, but i'm not showing you mine

CBS' The Ex List features a cop ex this week, so I thought I should bone up on the show and watch the first two eps to see what it was all about.

In the first ep, at one point, Bella's "friend"--at least I think they're just friends--lifts her skirt and asks her what she thinks of her shave job. (Not exactly in those words.) I was sitting there opened mouth, thinking, "Who the HELL shares that much information with their friend?" OR sister, doesn't matter. I mean, it's one thing to TELL them you did it, but SHOW them?! Well, I must be the prude because I just read this news story online.....WTH is wrong with people?!



The Livingston County sheriff's department has confiscated a dozen mobile phones after a 14-year-old girl took a cell phone photo showing her genitals and sent it to friends.

Sheriff Bob Bezotte tells the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus of Howell that the girl indicated she was "clowning around" over the summer when she took the photo, which also shows her face.

Bezotte says the Pinckney High School student sent the photo to three or four friends' phones. But authorities estimate it's gotten to more than 200 people since school resumed and students sought the photo.

The sheriff's department is seeking more phones containing the photo, and charges could be brought. Pinckney Community Schools Superintendent Dan Danosky says students also could be disciplined.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

and one of my favorite moments from K9 Cops

Now that I have a YouTube account, I might as well use it:)

Hard to believe these big, fierce dogs are afraid of anything, let alone a cat.

one of my favorite moments from Reba

what a *yawn* shock!

Apparently Madonna is getting a divorce.

Yeah, we all figured that out weeks ago, when she kept saying, "I am not getting a divorce...I also appreciate how fiction and fact seem to be perceived as one and the same by people who read both newspapers and the Internet." Yes, with good reason.

when I was a little boy way back home in Liverpool, my mama told me I was great

Did you see the news story in which Ringo Starr announced he no longer wants to receive letters/packages from fans? A year or two from now, he'll be CRYING for attention from fans. Ask any previously famous child star who now spends their time getting arrested. Some celebs piss me off. They want to be famous as long as they don't have to deal with those pesky fans.

I had to go to the dentist first thing this morning and I only left myself ten minutes to get to the office. Less worry time that way. I walked around the side of the house and there was the dog that comes around the neighborhood looking for food sitting at my back door. I said, "I don't have time to feed you right now. Come back later and I'll get you some food." I came back an hour later and she was laying in the driveway waiting for me:)

I have two small But that's pretty good considering I haven't been to the dentist since July '07. I thought I lost a small filing, but he said it's actually decaying a little around the filling. I do have to laugh, though, because every time the dentist is finished working on me, he leans back & says, "You survived:)." I can't help it. I'm totally tense the entire time, even when he's cleaning my teeth.
And THANK GOD, the dentist cleaned my teeth and not that ANNOYING chick he has working for him. She took a patient the same time I went in and when I left 20 minutes later, that poor guy was still flat on his back listening to her ramble on about her kids. It wouldn't be bad--you can tune her out--but apparently she wasn't born with the ability to work and talk at the same time, thus turning a quick 20 minute appointment into a 50 minute horrifying experience. The time she cleaned my teeth while going on and on about her gay ex-boyfriend, I wanted to grab one of her tools and clean my own damn teeth.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

my boobs work harder than your boobs!

From Shoebox Blog

I feel smarterer already!

For some reason, the news just seems sooooooo much more interesting when Rick Sanchez is the host of the show........

self explanatory:)

talcum powder warning for women

Women have been warned to immediately stop using talcum powder around their genitals, as new research suggests particles may travel to the ovaries and trigger a process of inflammation that allows cancer cells to flourish.

Previous studies have raised concerns over talc, but the latest findings suggest that women who use it are 40 percent more likely to get ovarian cancer.

Experts studied more than 3,000 women and found using talc merely once a week raised the risk of ovarian cancer by 36 percent. The danger rose to 41 percent for those applying powder every day.


veddy interesting

Remember my recent post about the psychic saying there was going to be rioting in the streets and martial law would be imposed? I think she called for it last week or so.

I was watching the news last night and some of the senators are now claiming that they were "talked to" privately by the higher up muckity mucks, and were told that if they didn't vote for the bailout, stock prices would fall 2000 points the first day, and the second and so on, AND that Bush would declare martial law. Hmm, pressuring people by scaring the hell out of them, who's M.O. is that?

Monday, October 13, 2008

all rise for the Honorable Judge I. P. Freely

I cannot get over the size of the bathrooms on the floor of the hospital where my father is staying. Good freaking grief, my bedroom CLOSET is bigger than these things. Even the door is about 2/3's the size of an average door.

It's so small that if you're a woman, best leave your purse outside, and if you're fat, God love ya, you'll need to hold that pee till ya get home. You walk in about one foot and there's a toilet hitting the back of your knees and a sink hitting the front of your knees when you're squatting. Good girls don't sit. We squat and hover. And do a lot of praying. I didn't know about the purse rule and I was hugging it to my chest the whole time I was squatting. Lovely. Just lovely.

da horrowa da horrowa

Although there was no official word on whether her IQ was affected by the color change, my guess is it was NOT.

BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A judge has brushed off a Connecticut woman's claim that L'Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products.

Charlotte Feeney of Stratford said she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

A Superior Court judge dismissed Feeney's 2005 lawsuit Monday, saying she never proved her allegation that L'Oreal put brown hair dye in a box labeled as blonde. The company also had disputed the claim.

Feeney's attorney, David Laudano, declined to comment and she could not be reached after the judge's decision.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

it never fails

I no sooner buy a skirt and sweater outfit, and I see an older guy wearing one just like it. That is soooo going to the back of my closet.
BTW, guys, once you pass 30, you can't carry off that socks with a skirt look.

I can't WAIT for this bullshit to end

Palin sis-boom-bah’ed her way into our little corner of the world this weekend, and she actually said she and McCain would balance the budget IN ONE YEAR. What an outrageously stupid claim. First rule of thumb in politics: when you lie, lie PLAUSIBLY.

Didn’t she start that stupid “hockey mom” stuff, and the disappointing thing is women buy into it. Here’s the deal: because her kid plays hockey and your kid plays hockey, that doesn't mean she wants to sit down in your kitchen and share a pierogi with you, and more importantly, that doesn’t make you social equals. I think it's FABULOUS that some women can relate to her, but because she’s a mom, a wife and a spouse that doesn’t make her fit to hold a job she knows very little about.

I can't help but think that if Palin were a man, the press would be all over her ass for being dumb, much the same way they were with Dan Quayle. I think it's only her gender and the fact that she SEEMS like a nice person, holding them back. Again, nice doesn't equal experienced.

Palin was picking out pumpkins in a pumpkin patch and the twits at the local news station were all “Palin is one of us!” One of us? Yes, I’m sure she sits down every week and worries herself sick wondering how she’s going to pay the bills, feed her family and buy gas on her minimum wage income. I’m sure she loses sleep worrying whether or not her spouse, who has been unemployed for months will find a job. Or whether the job he currently holds will be sent overseas. I’m sure she frets that funding for programs that might help her special needs child won’t be cut to fund more of the war in Iraq. And I'm sure she cries over the fact that her family has little or no health care. Last year, she and her husband earned $166k in income in 2007, hardly the average yearly earnings for my area. Yeah, she’s really “one of us.” Sis-boom-bah..... humbug.

There was one genius outside the arena holding a sign that showed Obama’s picture and it said, “Hope….” then Palin’s & McCain’s pictures and the words “not Dopes.” LOL!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

dogs. ya can't live with 'em and ya can't live witho--well, actually you can

Every evening my dog goes outside with either Mr. G or myself and sits quietly in the shade for as long as we'll allow the bugs to feast on us. When we walk her at night, we'll sit on the bench and she'll watch the trains go by for long periods of time with nary a wimper.

But were I to put her outside on a nice day, such as today, and let her enjoy the sunshine on her own, that would be cruel and unusual punishment and she would have to spend the last FORTY FIVE MINUTES alternating between crying and barking and carrying on like she's being beaten.


Friday, October 10, 2008

pennsyvania chainsaw massacre

Mr. G and I had a nice day off together. We went to Lowe's Home Improvement Center. Gotta admit, I feel about as at ease as a Jew at a pig roast when I enter Lowe's. BUT I got some sage advice from Bruno BEFORE I went, and I wasn't afraid to ask the salesman what I didn't know. My husband does NOT want me asking another guy for advice at Lowe's. It drives him nuts. I think he thinks it reflects badly on him, as if he should know everything there is to know about everything on the planet.

We bought a 14" chainsaw for the next time I get PMS and go psycho on my family. Hey, it pays to be prepared. Ok, we really bought it for yard work, but don't piss me off! I'm learning to use it, too!

I remembered Bruno telling me that I needed a gas/oil mix, so we bought a small bottle of that stuff, BUT there were also huge displays of this mysterious liquid called, chain oil. Now my husband and I know diddly about this sort of shit and I said--like the blonde that I am--"I wonder if you have to oil the chain in between using it to keep it from rusting?" And my husband wasn't far behind in that thinking, trust me, because he said, "Well, if we do, we don't need to buy any now because it's brand new." Something kept nagging at me, so without saying anything to him, I began hunting down a salesperson, which trust me is about as easy as finding said Jew at that pig roast.

I wanted one of the male persuasion. Yes, I'm prejudiced! I automatically think men know more about this stuff!

Anywho, the guy said, "Oh yeah, you have to put that in every time you use it." To which my husband replied, "Yeah, I tried to tell her that." EXCUSE ME, Mr. "if we do, we don't need to buy it now because it's brand new"?! But I said nothing and let him save face. Unlike some women, it's not my goal to embarrass my husband in public.

I don't know why it kills him to ask another guy for advice though. I have no problem asking other women about cooking or baking or decorating, if I have a question. We can't have expertise in everything and it's wise to ask those who do before ya fuck up majorly:)

Of course, I usually preface my questions with, "This might be a stupid question, but...." Most of the time they see that coming, though:)

Now I can't wait for Monday so we can get started whacking down these overgrown bushes and shrubs!

Brooke does such a great job with these commercials

wth were they thinking?

Every time I pass this building, I can't help but wonder wth they were thinking? They put the door in the middle of the wall with no steps. It's about two feet off the ground. I guess you just have to jump every time you wanted to go outside. And I coming INside would require a running leap...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

believe me, DICK, we feel the same way....

Shoebox Blog

politics schmallatics

I have more respect for people when they just 'fess up to what they did. Todd Palin says, "My wife and I are very close. We are each other's best friend. I have helped her in her career the best I can, and she has helped me." THEN goes on to say that Sarah knew nothing of his efforts to get brother-in-law Wooten fired from his job. Oh, come on. "We share everything...except for important stuff that might fuck with her political career."

Instead of John "I know how to fix every problem this country has" McCain telling us how he's going to do that, he and his partner are busy trying to associate Obama with terrorists. Gee, that speaks loudly of the confidence he has in his own ideas, doesn't it? Now is the time for McCain to start talking about how he's going to fix the economy since he said he knows how to do just that, instead of trying to distract people with bullshit. And if McCain knows "how to find Bin Laden" as he boasted the other night, why hasn't he shared those thoughts with the President to keep the people of the United States safe? Shouldn't that have been his first priority over his political ambitions?

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

kicking and screaming

She might sound a bit wacky for Cobb County, but she'd fit right in with the Washington crowd. I love the way she said her "car won't let me get to South Carolina." Maybe she should see someone about that. A voodoo priestess perhaps?

Oy. I have been in bed every night this week by NINE O'CLOCK!! Help! I've gotten old and I can't go back....

I can see why people are panicking when it comes to this financial situation. First of all, the news media is just having a field day trying to scare the hell out of us 24/7. Secondly, they tell us that this will take time, not to expect too much too soon and THEN they make huge headlines out of the Dow. Ok, it's down six days in a row, but what happened to "IT'S GOING TO TAKE TIME"?! Don't tell us one thing, but act like you're expecting another.

Hope everyone who is planning to vote reads first.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

baby it's cold outside

I saw something for sale on QVC yesterday that I never thought anyone would want to buy. They were called something like "Modesty Inserts" for your bra and it was thicker in the middle to hide the fact that your nipples were hard. Hell, I've seen inserts with FAKE nipples so I was really surprised to see that these were really being bought up. One middle school teacher called and said she had to have them. Ok, I get that because boys and their hormones. One of the funny things was Leah's "salesmanship" on these. She said, "Because everybody knows when it's cold outside..." LOL! But seriously, so what if they do? I don't get why we should be overly concerned by the fact that our nipples get hard from time to time? Heck, if my nipples get hard, I want EVERYONE to know. We can't control our nipples any more than guys can control their hard-ons. Don't women get bombarded with ENOUGH messages about our bodies and shame in our society?

Is it my imagination or is Suze Orman becoming more and more obnoxious lately? I used to like her, but now she's just snotty and annoying. "The other day I was standing in line, buying something *I* could afford..." Well, good for you, Suze. We get that you're a financial genius and we know you have millions and millions saved, because you've made a point to tell us. Weee! Try relating to people as ADULTS for a change, not unruly children with you as all knowing teacher and task master.

I'm sorry, but this is downright creepy. There's a woman in London who makes lifelike baby dolls and in the video clip I saw, some women are taking them out in public in strollers and creating nurseries for them! One woman said that she didn't have time to devote to a real baby, so this satisfied her motherly urges. I guess you can't put a price on a mother's love for her "child". Oh, yeah, you can....$4000.

Friday, October 03, 2008

those f*ckers in washington never cease to amaze me

President Bush had the balls to go on TV and talk about how dire our financial situation is in this country, then we find out that the "bail out" is loaded with stupid pork provisions. People are losing their homes and they've done NOTHING to help them, but they've agreed to this sort of GARBAGE:

The special provisions include tax breaks for:

* Manufacturers of kids' wooden arrows - $6 million.

* Puerto Rican and Virgin Islands rum producers - $192 million.

* Wool research.

* Auto-racing tracks - $128 million.

* Corporations operating in American Samoa - $33 million.

* Small- to medium-budget film and television productions - $10 million.

Another measure inserted into the bill appears to be a bald-faced bid aimed at winning the support of Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska), who voted against the original version when it went down in flames in the House on Monday.

That provision - a $223 million package of tax benefits for fishermen and others whose livelihoods suffered as a result of the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill - has been the subject of fervent lobbying by Alaska's congressional delegation.

Then they go on TV and pat themselves on the back, saying what a great job they did, working together for the good of the country.

Thanks for selling us out once again, Washington f*ckers. No matter how dire the situation, we can always count on you to make it worse.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Senator Biden, clean up on aisle three...

For some reason, I find it a little hard to believe that Senator Joe Biden spends a "lot of time" at Home Depot, as he stated in the debates.

A well known psychic--when I say "well known" that means I can't remember her name--said that she thinks there will be no election in November. She thinks that next week people will be rioting in the streets of the US and that the President will declare martial law and stay in power...I mean, "in office". No, I mean "in power". Anywho, I remember reading a few years ago that another psychic said there would be a six month period when the banks would close in the US after a run on them. So I spent the whole evening worrying and asking all important questions like, "How do people pay bills under marital law?" and "Are the banks open during marital law?" And Mr. G finally said, "Look, you're worrying about something that hasn't even happened. Knock it off."Kill joy.