Wednesday, July 30, 2008

tiny bubbles in the air

Wow, today’s kids are super soft and lazy. Today on QVC they were selling a bubble MACHINE. Come on! All that’s required of blowing bubbles is dipping the wand and blowing. They can’t handle that?!

My boss had one of the morning news shows on while she was eating breakfast and there was a guy demonstrating a $100K “portable” jetpack. First of all, the thing was about six feet long and two feet high and you’re sitting in a seat that’s strapped in the middle of that. Secondly the reporter went no more than about two feet off the ground with a person helping to lift the jetpack on the left and the right of him, THEN he unbuckles himself and says, “That was amazing!” Yeah, I could get higher off the ground jumping off the front porch steps. 100k, my ass.

I saw the movie License to Wed with Mandy Moore, Robin Williams and John Kwhatshisname from The Office. The critics hated it but I thought it was fairly funny, as is often the case with critics and myself. I loved the line where John asked his best male friend about his wedding and his friend said, “I don’t remember anything before D Day. It’s like a black hole.” I did think it was interesting though, how people who really don’t belong to together convince themselves that they do because they’re basking in the glow of “love”.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

you have the right to be stripped of all your rights

You know the scariest thing about this video? The twit who says, "..if you're not doing anything wrong, what are you worried about?" Why don't you invite the government into your home? After all, if you're not doing anything wrong, what are you worried about?

It's just that sort of asinine thinking that has gotten us stripped away of more and more of our personal freedoms. But at least we're sooo much safer now that the government is watching our every move, right? Pffft.


LOL! What a FABULOUS plot twist on Guiding Light!!
Ava convinced Bill the baby was his and he married her......yeah, I don't think so. And I love the expression on Ava's face.

reality bites

Pretend you’re an employer and let’s play a game. Due to downsizing, budget constraints, whatever, you can only keep one of the following employees. Which one would it be?

Employee #1 is always on time, knows the job, can do the jobs, very rarely ever calls off work and hasn‘t even taken a vacation in all the time she‘s been employed. Employee #1 doesn’t resort to crying when reprimanded, has never requested time off for frivolous bullshit, like baking pies and Employee #1 is always willing to do any physical work--read: fucking grunt work--that the boss needs done. Employee #1 has 6 ½ years service.

Employee #2 can’t physically do ¾’s of what is required of her, doesn’t answer the boss when called because she can’t hear and/or is sleeping on the job, can’t fucking tell the difference between prescription meds, despite the fact that it’s clearly written on a calendar which is to be dispensed on any given day. Employee #2 has called off NUMEROUS times for idiotic reasons, including baking pies, has borrowed $ from the boss that takes her weeks and weeks to repay, has cried and whined when reprimanded or to get her way, watches tv from the time she arrives till the time she leaves and arranges to do stuff that needs done around said tv schedule, and never volunteers to do any grunt work that might be required of her UNLESS she can bring her husband in to do it and get paid extra. Employee#2 has 3 ½ years of work.

Gee, you’d think it would be a no brainer, huh? The seniority thing alone should solve the question of who stays and who goes, but no, my boss is actually considering keeping Overtime Hawg on over me when she cuts hours next month. She had the balls to get on the phone and cry to the boss that she should get the hours because I'm younger and will have an easier time finding a job because she never finished high school. Oh, so that's MY fault, eh?

Just last week the boss told me she thinks O.H. is sleeping on the job. Hey, you hang on to her. She’s a gem of an employee. It just makes me all the more convinced to NEVER, EVER give your all to your employers because in the end, nobody fucking appreciates it anyway. I’m never doing it again.

Monday, July 28, 2008

oy to the world

And I thought us American chicks had it bad when it comes to having to suffer through a scene with old male porn actors….

Sunday, July 27, 2008

i wanna do it till i can't get enough

Love the tagline for the new movie Brideshead Revisited: “At last the movie INTELLIGENT filmgoers have waited for all year.” In the meantime, the blithering idiot filmgoers have been seeing new movies since January.

Wow. High gas prices truly has affected everything. According to my boss, the Hour of Power is now on for a half hour of Power. Whaaaa? People finally figured out what a waste it was to send their hard earned $ to someone who builds elaborate buildings all in the name of Jesus? Say it isn’t so!

You know the biggest problem I have when I’m trying to find a job? My husband. I love him, but for some reason, he seems to think me finding a job is HIS business. And he puts it right at the top of his “to do” list. He’s also deathly afraid that I might actually take some time off between this job and the next one even though I’ve been working 57 hours a freaking week for the last year and a half. In that amount of time, he’d get 41/2 weeks off. Granted, he gets paid vacation and I don’t, but damn it, I’m TIRED. He talked to a friend of ours who has a business that is relative to my job and he told me to call her. I'm like, "Damn it, stay out of my business!" Here's how I roll: I want God to point me to the one job in which I can be of the most service to others....and earn decent wages. I pretty much expect a piece of paper to waft down from my bedroom ceiling and on it will be written the phone number of my potential employer. But NO, Mr. G keeps giving me all these different options. He said, "I like options." HELLO?! It's MY job and I don't want options!!

Great weekend for TV. Friday night I was all psyched to watch Flashpoint at 10, only to find it wasn’t on. Saturday, I wanted to watch the two hour finale of The Academy from 10-12, but Mr. G wanted to watch CBS boxing from 9-11, so I let him have it the two hours, knowing The Academy and another USA show I wanted to see at 10 would be repeated Sunday. I checked the schedule for tonight and naturally, both shows are on at the same time I want to watch Crisis Point. UGH.

I was watching E! today and they kept running across the bottom of the screen news that Shia LaBeouf had been involved in a possible DUI. Right in the middle of my show they broke in to announce that Shia LaBeouf had been involved in a possible DUI. Well, DUH. They’d been telling us that for the last hour. So I had to Google this Shia to find out it was a man, woman, child or one of those small dogs that don’t shed. It’s a guy. After I Googled, I thought, "What was I thinking? No way would it be a dog. They're too smart to drive drunk."

Friday, July 25, 2008


Great. Juuuuuust great. After only two weeks, CBS has moved Flashpoint to Sunday night at 10 p.m and then there's another new episode Thursday night at 10 p.m. Way to totally screw with the viewers, CBS. I'm smelling another Men In Trees fiasco where the programmers screwed with the scheduling of the show so much it failed.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

i'm dreading this

I saw a white chick with dreads on "How Do I Look?" and she said she got the dreads because she didn't like washing her hair.

First of all, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Secondly, if washing your hair is such a difficult, time consuming task, shave your head, Lazy!

knock it off!

Well, it's happened again. Someone commented on one of my fifty websites, I responded quite innocently, and damned if they haven't slapped me on their newsletter mailing list. One that has no "how to unsubscribe" link on it.

PEOPLE! It is NOT COOL to start sending someone your newsletter unless they indicate they wanted to subscribe. Put a newsletter link on your website and the most you should do is send them an email with your URL and allow them to decide whether or not they want your mail.

If you DO send out newsletters to everyone and their mother, for Pete freaking sake, include an unsubscribe link.

Sending people unsolicited newsletters smacks of desperation. And it's a sure way of turning people off to what you have to say.

Monday, July 21, 2008

my redneck past is nipping at my heels

I checked online to see what Billy Blank's new TaeBo series, T3 Power Within, was all about and I have to say I'm disappointed. Not by the fact that we're still doing the same tired moves over and over, but by the fact that he's including ONE POUND hand weights with this workout. Last workout we were using THREE pounds. Now we're taking a step backwards? What's the point? T3=totally disappointing three times over.

two plus two does not equal four in this case

I saw a portion of Casey Anthony's mother on Nancy Grace last night and I must be missing something.

When Nancy started to question her about her daughter, Casey, Cindy Anthony said her daughter was "not on trial" and she hadn't done anything wrong. She went on to say that she only witnessed Casey being "a loving mother". Why is Casey lying to the police about her daughter's whereabouts if she's such a devoted mother? She's the only one who can give them answers in the case, and according to news reports, she's lying about everything. IF your child had truly been kidnapped, wouldn't you do everything to cooperate with the police to facilitate her safe return?

Cindy Anthony also said that people aren't seeing Casey's efforts, like the MySpace page she made devoted to her daughter's disappearance. WTH? You can make all the MySpace pages on the planet and it doesn't mean squat if you refuse to cooperate with the police. And lying is refusing to cooperate. It's like making everyone around you kick in a locked door, while you're standing there with the key. All she has to do is tell the truth. It seems so stupid to sit around designing a webpage about your daughter's disappearance when YOU know where she is, but refuse to tell.

What the hell am I missing here?

and we were trying different things and we were smoking funny things

I am NOT a Kid Rock fan by any means, but I love this song! Naturally the idiot doesn't have it as a .89 download on Amazon. Sigh.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

and they're all made of ticky tacky

I tried to get into "Weeds" last night, but I couldn't suspend disbelief enough to enjoy the show. I crapped out after three episodes from the first season.

I'm supposed to feel sympathy for a woman whose husband dies and leaves her with no money so she chooses to sell weed to support her family? How can she be portrayed as this loving mom who will do anything for her kids? If she goes to jail because of her stupidity and illegal activities, the kids have NO ONE. Way to go, Mom. And then I guess her yelling at some kid because he sold weed to minors is supposed to make her look like a decent human being in our eyes? Didn't work.

The blurb on the DVD said the show was "hilariously funny". Somebody needs to tell the writers that. I didn't laugh out loud once. (That's the "Goddess litmus test" for 'good' shows) I thought it was rather pathetic that she didn't sell her house, get rid of that money sucking LEASED vehicle, and move somewhere cheaper. Instead she chose to keep up with the Joneses and make money the easy way.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

it's not the heat, it's the humidity

Can you guess how I'm feeling right now? Yes, that's right: HOTT!!!!!!!!

$1.48 for gas?! That was back in the 80's. Those prices are insane!

mama mia, whats wrong with me?!

I'm embarrassed to admit, I know the words to more ABBA songs than I ever realized....."S.O.S.," "Take a Chance On Me," "Mama Mia," "Waterloo," "Knowing Me, Knowing You," "Honey, Honey," "Dancing Queen," and sadly, "Fernando."

give me hope any way you can I need to know there's a plan

Wow. Flashpoint was really good last night, but I am STILL not buying Enrico Whatshisface as team captain. He sucks. They need to bump him out and bump this hottie, Hugh Dillon into his place. He's got the looks and the stare and the mannerisms down pat, which is more than Enrico can say. I love the way the show starts with the action and then zips backwards to the beginning so we can see what led to the conflict. I hate the type of story telling where they flip between the present and the past, but they don't do that on Flashpoint.

No wonder people are so confused as to what is good for their health in this country. Remember a few months ago, they told us that not getting enough sleep can make one more predisposed to Type 2 diabetes? NOW they release this story. Geez, now even SLEEP becomes a juggling act.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

you make me feel like dancing

I see other people are googling for the instructions for loading MP3's into their Vivitar DVR545, so I'll post them here. Thanks, Vivitar, for NOT covering this in your instruction booklet.
And I'll post them in much simpler terms than you'd get from Vivitar, whose email left out the most important piece of information I needed.

1. Install camera driver to your computer.
2. Connect your DVR545 to the computer via the USB cord.
3. Double click "My Computer"
4. Open the F Drive and find/open your MP3 folder
5. Copy and paste your MP3's ONE AT A TIME into this folder.
6. Disconnect your camera and look in your "music" option. The songs should be there.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

yessiree the world should revolve around me

Oh, Lordy, my nephew is black now. He came to visit me yesterday and he has dreads. Nothing sadder than a white boy with dreads. Isn’t that right, Newton Faulkner?

I’m so sick of these stupid stories about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s brats. Every time the story comes up, they talk about Angelina showing the world “how sexy pregnancy can be”. Yeah, but only for those people who look like Angelina Jolie! For the other 99.999999% of us pregnancy=burlap sack time.

I was paying my bills this morning and I noticed our paper went up eighty cents and our water went up $1.30. Just those two small monthly increases will cost us an extra $25 a year.

I was reading the story of a cop whose family became sickened after a Kentucky Fried Chicken employee URINATED in their food. The employee was fined $100 and later fired for being late to work. What does it say about KFC that their employees can piss in people’s food and NOT get fired for it?

I bought myself a little (amazingly frustrating) toy called the Vivitar DVR545. It plays MP3’s, takes pics, takes movies, plays back ebooks--although why ANYONE would want to read a book on a three inch screen is beyond me--and you can also make voice recordings. I took the booklet to work with me on Sunday afternoon because I have a lot of downtime on Sundays and I forced myself to figure out how to use it via the instruction booklet, but I still couldn’t figure out how to upload MP3’s, because it WASN”T IN THE INSTRUCTION BOOKLET!!!! Day Two I brought the camera with me, but forgot the USB cord, so the whole day was wasted. Day Three I was determined to figure out how to upload MP3’s but the software wasn’t working so I emailed the company for directions. Today is Day Four and the instructions told me to upload the driver, which I did first thing, then locate the driver. I looked and looked and looked and could not find the damn thing anywhere. I found all the software related to the product but no MP3 folder. I connected the camera and suddenly I’m getting a message telling me that there was a problem with the installation and the product might not work properly. Gee, ya think?! Now I’m going to REINSTALL the stupid driver and try all over again. Another fine example of why I hate new technology.

Monday, July 14, 2008

the dog days of summer

During the summer months, I keep a "fun activity" box handy and I draw one fun activity for the offspring to do every day. Today's was "draw a self portrait and hang it on the fridge." Then I told them I would try to guess who's who. Well, they decided to--as Male Offspring #4 told me--"draw self portraits of each other." My fridge is now littered with several pics of pigs with blonde hair and pics of dogs with black hair. Amazingly, I guessed every offspring correctly.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

is she really going out with him?

I had my three and a half days off this week, then took Friday off because I had been at the ER all night and still wasn’t feeling well. I think this is only the fifth day of work I’ve missed in 6 ½ years. [And two of them were for a funeral.] When I came back, I felt so out of step, as if I’ve missed several days instead of one.

Speaking of the job, I applied for a job elsewhere, just about the time the boss decided that now she has the $ to pay us through the middle of August. Guh. Enough already. I’ve been hearing “end of this month” since Christmas '07. If I’m offered this job, I think I’m going to take it.

I caught a brief bit of a Lifetime movie yesterday. (And to answer your question, Billy, I have the tv on while I’m doing other things. That’s how I can “watch so much”. ) The movie reminded me of Lifetime Movie Tip #24: If you’re going to cheat on your rich husband with his son, make sure the help aren’t disgruntled. They’ll rat you out every time.”

I heard a commercial for the Oreck vacuum and the announcer said, “The Oreck has the suction power of a Category 2 hurricane.” I’m sure lonely guys everywhere will be happy to hear that…

A news reporter was talking about the birth of Angelina Jolie’s brats and he said, “Already having four children, the twins will fit seamlessly into the family.” Spoken like a guy who has never taken care of six kids in his life.

From the “oh, YUCK” file: there was a woman on TV this week who is still breastfeeding her eight year old daughter. She breastfed her other daughter until she was five years old. No word on why she stopped so soon with the first one.

My geography skills might suck, but even *I* knew the answer to this game show question: "Niagara Falls separates Ontario from what U.S. state?" The dude said, "Illnois".............................

Friday, July 11, 2008

pink sky

First thoughts on "Flashpoint": I like the show but I don't like Enrico Colantoni as team leader.

I can't get past his Elliot DiMauro days on "Just Shoot Me." I don't think he's tough enough or stern enough for the role.

From "Just Shoot Me" to SWAT team leader.... ironic, eh?

i was defeated you won the war

Just finished watching "Lars and the Real Girl." I have to admit, when I ordered it, I thought it was going to be funny. Not so much. It was more of a serious piece, rather sad, too. It was the story of a lonely guy who ordered one of those realistic sex dolls online, then fell in love with it.

I spent Thursday night/Friday morning in the ER. I felt sick to my stomach for a couple days and it finally settled in my middle back. I would have bet $ I had a kidney infection, but the blood work and urinalysis came back clean. Thankfully. My symptoms were nausea, clamminess and pain around my kidneys. From that the ER doctor deduced that I had an inflamed esophagus. Never mind that I have none of the symptoms of that. Never mind that I never even get heart burn. I hate it when the doctor asks me what my symptoms are then proceeds to tell me what my symptoms are. Sigh. The doctor ordered Prilosec. Funny thing is on the package it says it takes FOUR DAYS to take effect. Mr. G bought me pure aloe vera juice and that worked within 15 minutes.

The nurse pointed out my cubicle in one direction, then sent me in the other direction to take my urine test--and of course, more pee went onto my hand than into the cup. I came out of the bathroom and literally walked right into a hottie security guard while looking for my room. Gawd, I felt like an idiot. Nothing sexier than running into a hott guy while you're carrying a cup of your own urine. Anywho, he helped me find my room and went on his way. While we were in the waiting area, Mr. G turned to me and said, "Wow. You must really be sick. Three state troopers just walked in and you didn't even look."
I said, "Yeah, I am sick, honey...........but just for the record, where are they?"

Ok, I'm off to watch "Flashpoint." Don't let me down, CBS, the early reviews have not been kind!

open mouth, insert foot

Sooooooooooooooooooo, what's this I hear Jesse Jackson has said about Obama?

"See, Barack's been talking down to black people ... I want to cut his nuts off."

Where's Al Sharpton demanding Jackson be fired from his job of--wait, what is it Jackson does again now? Besides trying to get other people fired from their jobs for their mistakes.

I guess we'll just be expected to accept Jackson's explanation and the whole thing will go away.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

don't forget that your family is gold

I love this article blurb about Madonna concerning her brother's new book: A memoir by Madonna's brother says the singer really does love her husband, director Guy Ritchie, but, apparently, not as much as she loves her career and herself.


my head hurts

Where do they find the people who show up on court tv shows?! Two chicks were suing because a friend lost their beer can costume.

They actually tried to sue for EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, claiming they had many memories involved with the beer can costume. Oy.

They asked for $800+ to replace the costume. The judge said, "It's replaceable?" And the chick said, "Oh, yeah." He said, "It costs $856 to replace the costume, but you're asking for $1000. Why is that?"

The chick said, "Because it's really irreplaceable, Your Honor."

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

i spit on your, "lot"

Ahh, the Church never ceases to amaze me. We received a letter recently saying they were going to charge $10 per grave per year for maintenance. Now we don't have graves, but we do have lots. Who the hell charges on lots?!

So I called and said, "Ya know, we've decided to be cremated so we don't need these lots anymore and we'd like to get our $ back."
She said, "Would you like to just donate that $ to the Church?"
When I stopped belly laughing five minutes later, I said, "No, I'd like my $ back."
She said, "We'll have to deduct $100 from that for care."
I'm like, "Whoa. Care of what?"
She said, "When you first bought your graves, you paid $100 on top of the price for perpetual care. We'll have to take that back."
I said, "Ok, maybe I'm not understanding you correctly because I thought "perpetual" meant "for the life of" something. That being the case, why are you asking for $10 a year per grave now?"
She hesitated a moment, then said, "Well, that was how it was originally set up, but they need more money for care now."

There's gonna be a LOOOOOOT of pissed off parishoners in that Church. When I asked her how she could charge us ANYTHING because we never really had graves on the lots, she said, "Well, we still have to trim the lots."

What a bunch of shit. They'll take my $100, and turn right around and re-sell the lots and get another $100 from some other sucker.

Monday, July 07, 2008

it won't be soon before long

I had my monthly chiro appts set up so that I'd come home from work on a Monday morning, shower and get my ass to his office, thus avoiding the "chit chat lag time". My chiro is a TALKER, and while I appreciate him taking the time to listen and answer my questions, I hate the fact that by 9:30 A.M., (appts. every 10 minutes beginning at 9) he's already running twenty minutes behind, and it just gets worse and worse as the day wears on. Many is the time he is finished with my adjustment, and he sits down and continues gabbing. UGH. That's why I like to schedule my appts. no later than 9:20 A.M. That usually gets me out of his office by 10 IF I'm lucky. Unfortunately they changed my 9:10 appt this morning to twelve thirty. Gawd, do you have any idea how far behind he is at twelve thirty?! I might as well pack my supper.

I was watching this interesting piece on Dateline about your car's gas tank. They decided to do a little test to see if your car was really out of gas when the needle registered "E". The guy drove a minivan and his van had a digital readout as well as the needle. When the needle was on "E", his digital read out told him he had 14 more miles to empty. He drove 50 miles over that for a total of 64 miles before his van actually stopped. The auto manufacturers said Americans like the "buffer". I had no idea. I thought "E" meant M. T. so this is good to know, even though I begin panicking when the needle hovers between 1/4 and "E". They also said that it won't harm the car if you run out of gas PERIODICALLY, and you won't harm the water pump UNLESS you try to start the car without any gas in it, two other tidbits that are good to know.

I think one of the grossest "holiday traditions" has to be that damn July 4th hot dog eating contest that they show on TV every year during my lunch hour. Nothing more disgusting than watching someone eating and throwing up at the same time. I have to cover my eyes every time.

I'm applying for another job. One that actually pays extra for overtime. I'm so tired of working what amounts to 17 hours overtime every week and not getting one extra penny for it. Plus working at the same wages you got 6 1/2 years ago blows big time. Everything has risen in the last 6 1/2 years except for my wages.

Who is this Duffy of the "Mercy" fame that I love so much? She sounds like a sober Amy Winehouse.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

and another hump day bites the dust

I have smart blogger friends. Yes, “grand cockers” IS graham crackers!

Why, Lord? Why? Why? Why? Seems like every time I decide to stop at the McDonald’s drive thru for an unsweetened iced tea on the way to work some jackass cuts in front of me. Inevitably, they’re the same jackass who decides to order 85 breakfast burritos or some other artery clogging crap in massive quantities. It really ticks me off when we’re sitting there for close to ten minutes. When someone is going to be longer than three minutes, they seriously need to shuffle them off to the side to wait for their food, and YES, I’m going to bitch about it to McDonald’s when I fill out the customer (dis)satisfaction survey.

Love the commercial for the new CBS show Flashpoint. The part where the SWAT sniper in full gear steps into the elevator is hilarious. You can hear everyone thinking the same thing…..”oooooooooo SHIT”.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

whats love got to do with it?

My gf lost her sister in law last week to a domestic violence incident. Her husband murdered her and then committed suicide. I'm so grateful their three children were not in residence because I'm sure he would have murdered them, too. After all, he threatened many times to do just that.

What ticks me off is the article in the newspaper in which they talked about how he threatened to murder them all, then it's followed up with "...blah blah became distraught over the thought of losing his children when his wife moved to another state."

Threatening to murder your entire family is not based on fears of losing your children because you love them, it's based on control and manipulation, so it angers me when they try to make it seem like he was so worried about losing contact with the kids that he went berserk. He was full of hatred and rage. None of this had anything to do with love.

And leaving three young children alone in this world without either parent more than proves that.

my head is where it's always been, if only i'd known where

I have to roll my eyes every time I see the John McCain commercial in which he’s standing in the mountains, wearing a baseball cap and a long sleeved corduroy shirt as he attempts to look like the “average man”. Puhleeze. Neither of these two clowns can make that claim and they look absolutely ridiculous trying.

I love that commercial for the New Gong Show on Comedy Central in which Triumph the Insult Dog says, “I’ve found the one place that I’m too classy for.” LOL.

I was reading a news story that talked about a hand held cell phone usage law that goes into effect July 1st in California. In the article, they talked about possible excuses motorists will use once the law kicks in . One was the people would claim they were not talking but were text messaging instead, which remains legal until January 1st, 2009. Why in the world would you outlaw talking on a cell phone, but not outlaw text messaging, which IMHO, is ten times worse? Now you not only have to concentrate on driving, but finding the right letters, sending the message and reading the response. They should BOTH be outlawed nationwide, as should hands free talking. You’re still doing two things at once and driving is difficult enough when you’re paying attention.

Boss #1’s car is on the fritz so she asked me if I would pick up the groceries we’d need for the week. Since I was off last week, most of the list was written by Overtime Hawg. I stood in the grocery store a good five minutes this morning trying to figure out what the heck “grandcockers” were. The first time I read it, I’m like, “damn! You can buy those things in the grocery store?!” See if you can figure out what she meant. I’ll post the answer tomorrow.