I think it might be time to take down my outside Christmas decorations. I was so disgusted with the neighbor's talking Santa from '06 that I bought one of my own. Every time someone walked passed it, he would say, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merrrry Christmas!" I think it's definitely time to slap him in the shed with Male Offspring #1. His voice mechanism is so worn down now that all he says is, "Ho!" Some of my female visitors are starting to get pissed.
I don't know which type of pedestrian ticks me off more. The ones who step out in front of the car and keep looking straight ahead, not even acknowledging that they see a car coming at them at 35 MPH, or the ones who step out in front of you and then give you "the wave", as if to indicate that it was your idea.
Fergie was on the Today Show last week, and she did a really good rendition of the Wilson sister’s Baracuda. She sounded exactly like Nancy. She is in such great shape that her pants looked like they were painted on. There she was laying at the end of the runway, bumping and grinding, and when the camera panned back, you could see about four or five little kids in front of her, staring at her all agog. Their stunned expressions were priceless.
I saw an ad on tv and the guy said, “My grandfather always said ‘surround yourself with good people and they’ll do good for you’.” How coincidental. My grandfather used to give me a similar piece of advice. He used to say, “Get out of my liquor cabinet or I’ll fill your ass with buckshot.”
I don’t use Listerine mouthwash--and that might be a very good thing. I was reading one of those “helpful hints” type sites and it said, “Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your nails looking healthy again.” Ewwww