Monday, May 12, 2008

life goes on...unless you're roadkill

Female Offspring #1 called me yesterday for Mother's Day, and to find out how much I liked the "joy" she gave me. I said, "Guess what? Your father took me out this morning for Mother's Day and he spent almost $700 on me! HA!" Without skipping a beat, she said, "Which major appliance needed replaced, Mom?" Damn. She knows me too well. Apparently him, too.

Yesterday I murdered a rabbit on the way to work. I felt my tire go over it’s little body and I cringed, but not as much as I did when I saw him in my rear view mirror. Oy. Then I said a little prayer he was now hopping in Bunny Heaven. I won’t even go in to how it was his own damn fault since he darted across the street then stood in my lane staring at my osn coming car with that deer in the headlights look. I slowed down to give him time to mull the seriousness of the situation when suddenly he raced to the berm and I said, “Phew! Thank God you had the sense to--” and that was when he darted back onto the road and became the main ingredient in someone’s supper.
(Ok, mine.) Murder is a dirty business…...but road kill rabbit is still cheaper than a pound of hamburger.

Why do people think they can say whatever they want without hurting someone's feelings? I was walking Holly and I passed some lady chain smoking on the sidewalk. Now did I mention to her the fact that she was losing lung capacity with every passing day? No. I felt it was NONE OF MY BUSINESS. As I pass, she says, "Wow. I thought my dog was chubby." Immediately I heard myself saying, "She has a thyroid problem," which we all know is the dog owner's excuse equivalent to cat owner's "that's not fat, that's fur" excuse. UGH. Anyway, poor LITTLE Holly's feelings were hurt. Well, they would have been had she not been so busy eating poop off the sidewalk.

There was a lady on an old ep of COPS last night and when the cop showed up there were two men on the scene. He said, “Who is that guy?” And she said, “My ex-husband.” Then he asked the other guy who he was and he said, “Her ex-husband.” The cop said, “How many times has she been married?” He said, “Seven. I married her three times.” But the funny thing is she wanted to keep the guys apart because she was engaged to the ex-husband in her car...LOL! Remarrying your ex over and over is like eating food, vomiting profusely then saying, “Wow! I've never been that sick...think I'll have another bowl!”

I put Tea Tree oil ointment on my arms last night and my boss’ cat kept arching it’s back and hissing at me. I’m guessing he didn’t like the lovely aroma it gives off.

I'm ready for the fridge to arrive today. And for my earl to be delivered. I ordered the earl and told them to deliver it in the afternoon so I could sleep in, making it an almost sure bet the fridge will arrive in the morning so I can't sleep in. We went with a GE this time. Two crappy Fridgidaires in a row is two too many. Both had gasket problems and both crapped out on us after just a couple years. Unbelievable. Our first fridge lasted about 22 years. Next one lasted three years, the one before this two and a half. Sucky. I knew when the freezer was running constantly and it looked like the North Pole when I opened it, yet the bottom was barely cool, the thermostat was going. This time I spent the $90 and bought insurance for five years. Normally, I don't because I know they can be rip-offs or not necessary, but he ASSured me it covered LABOR, too, so I went with it. Both previous fridges had gasket problems, as I said and it cost me close to $100 to have one put on between labor and part. Doggone thing wasn't put on properly anyway.

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