Tuesday, April 08, 2008

she was a sour girl the day that she met me

I cracked open the old wallet and ordered one of those Buxton purses they’ve been advertising on tv. You know the ones that show you how to fix the contents of 25 purses into one? I really like the style of the purse, it’s like a mini-backpack, but the purse stinks. Literally. I don’t know what material they used to make this purse or what they put on it, but it smells like it was painted with enamel paint, then sealed in plastic while wet. When I opened the bag, I almost keeled over from the stench. I took it to work with me yesterday and had to put it in another room because the smell was giving me a horrible headache. Same thing when I went to bed last night. I had to take it out of the bedroom because it stunk up the joint. My gf suggested I wash it off. I tried using hot, soapy water and all this black stuff came off, but it STILL stinks. I guess I’ll have to hang it outside overnight and see if that helps. With any luck someone will steal it. It would totally serve them right.

Jesse Ventura, what are you thinking?! He looked so hott bald--check out the front cover of his new book--and now he just looks icky. He’s bald on the top, but shoulder length hair in the back. Shoulder length hair that’s dyed, I might add.

If you’ve ever listened to the Mirena birth control commercial--it’s called ‘boredom,‘ people--there’s a phrase in there that gets me every time. The announcer is talking about the “perfect candidate” for Mirena and she says among other things, “is in a stable relationship.” I guess if you’re dating a bunch of guys you don’t need birth control. Besides, we all know the best time to have a baby is when your relationship is NOT stable.

I read that they are rioting in Haiti because food prices have gone up 50% in the last year, and they’re on the rise again. The article went on to say that the average person in Haiti spends about $2 a day on food. I could probably only do that if I ate Ramen noodles three times a day. Then again, with Ramen noodles, I might be able to eat five of those a day and I could have a dish of jello for dessert.

Yesterday when I talked about the misleading diet ads, I forgot to mention that Jillian chick from FOX. I think her ad is one of the worst. They flash a picture of her in a bikini and she says, “I got this body from eating pizza, burgers and chocolate.” WRONG. She got that body from eating portion controlled food, some of which were pizza, burgers and chocolate, and from EXERCISE. The magazine industry has done enough to sabotage women in this country. Now this. Stop setting women up for failure!

3 comments:

The Future Was Yesterday said...

"Besides, we all know the best time to have a baby is when your relationship is NOT stable."
I've never known a stable pregnant woman, therefore the relationship has to be unstable.

"“I got this body from eating pizza, burgers and chocolate.”"
But still those who will not face reality, will eat that crap by the pailful, and scream, when they swell up like a blimp: "It's the diet's fault!"

It's NEVER our fault in this country, anymore.

BBC said...

I read that they are rioting in Haiti because food prices have gone up 50% in the last year, and they’re on the rise again.

And coming soon to America....

I eat whatever I like, just not too much of it, often only one meal a day. I'm trim, that works for me.

Alexander said...

I wonder if Jesse's mom gives him grief about his hair, well, what's left of it. LOL

But yeah, kill me if I ever have a skullet.