Saturday, January 05, 2008

would you be mine? could you be mine? won't you be my neighbor?

I was watching King of Queens today and this soooo reminded me of my husband....and Bruno, cuz they seem like two peas in a pod. Carrie and Doug were getting new neighbors and Carrie suggested they go over and say 'hello.' Then she decided against that, saying she didn't want to give them the "wrong idea....that we want to be friends." Doug said, "I think I'll start them off with a wave, then I'll wean them down to a nod. And not a friendly nod either." LOL!

All through the Christmas season, I kept feeling like there was something important I was forgetting to do, but I couldn't think of what it was. I just kept thinking I needed to do something important. Yesterday morning after work, I stopped at the grocery store and a guy coming out motioned to my car and said, "Dumping your Christmas tree?" I looked at the evergreen tree still strapped to the roof of my Rio and said, "Umm, yeah, uh huh. That's where I was going with it..." Thank God he noticed. I might have been riding around with that thing on my car till July.

Ok, here's a great new business venture for someone with money, which leaves me out: a vibrator store where you can check out the vibrator BEFORE you plunk down your hard earned $. Of course, you should only be allowed to test it out once, otherwise, you'll have those cheap chicks testing the same one out every day, several hours at a time. Nothing is more FRUSTRATING than shelling out $40 because your vibrator is slowing down, only to find out the new one is even SLOWER. That's right, FRUSTRATING, she said with first-hand knowledge!!!!

Speaking of trying things out first, does anyone own the Buxton Organizer? I keep seeing it advertised on TV and it shows them putting in everything and the kitchen sink, and I"m wondering if you can really fit that much stuff in it. I don't like big, bulky purses and this one looks nice enough, but I don't know if it's as "expandable" as they claim.

I was working on crossword puzzles yesterday and IM'ing Female Offspring #1 who ALLEGEDLY took four years of French, including two years of honors French. She's only been out of HS for about seven years and she can't even remember two and three letter words, like summer, which I believe is 'ete'. Mr. G said, "Well, all I can remember from four years of Spanish is "it's meatballs, don't you know," and "is this baseball?'." Oy. Unfortunately neither of those phrases were on my crossword puzzle. But I could NOT resist saying, "Honey, how many times in one's life does the phrase, "it's meatballs, don't you know" come up? I mean, seriously." I didn't study a language in school, but I was trying to teach myself some Spanish and I can at least remember my phone number....just in case I ever get lost in Spanish Harlem, which is highly unlikely since I never leave da 'court.

I bought some caramel rice cakes a few months ago, and Mr. G liked them.
They were crunchy and the caramel gave them a little sweetness. Yesterday he came
home with two bags of plain, unsalted rice cakes. I said, "Honey, why did you buy these dumb things?"
He said, "They were only fifty cents at the outlet store." I said, "Yeah, but they have no flavor. They're gonna taste like styrofoam."
He said, "That's okay. I'll smear 'em with peanut butter." Thus, defeating the entire healthy/sugar free purpose....sigh.

I loooove that story CNN is running about how eating burgers, ice cream and pizza is HEALTHY for your waistline. Sure, it is. They say the burgers are good because they're full of protein. They're also full of fat. Ice cream is supposedly good because it aids you in weight loss. Sure, that's why it's chock full of sugar and fat. Pizza? Healthy? It's full of cholesterol from the cheese (and fat), refined carbs from the dough and sugar from the sauce. Oooooh yeah, it's healthy all right. Course these are the same mainstream idiots who keep saying how great milk is in losing weight and people are stupid enough to believe that, so I'm sure lots of them will believe this, too.

5 comments:

BRUNO said...

WHA-A-A-T??? You mean, Mr G. hates 99.99% of the human race as well???

Makes ya' wonder why---or HOW, the hell we finally got married, eh???

BBC said...

"All through the Christmas season, I kept feeling like there was something important I was forgetting to do,"

Hum, I didn't do crap about it other than buy Helen some candy.

I eat anything I want, just not too much of it. I do cook a lot of my own foods, but I will also eat what others think is shit.

Hey, it's all shit, it all makes a turd. :-)

Besides, I drive around in an automobile, I can't expect to get old that way, nor do I want to get old.

Um, where was I? Run amonk, what the fuck.

Anonymous said...

http://www.feministing.com/archives/007346.html Here's something for you to watch. Enjoy!

Stacey

The Future Was Yesterday said...

I hear if your vibrator slows down, a small gift card of oh....2-$300 at the local tools 'n drool shop will pick him right back up.:)

Lin said...

We wave furiously and love any neighbors within a mile of the place - the coyotes love it!

Hey, you get the tree down FAST! I had one in my living room once until July. But that was a very special occasion that involved my mom in her last year on earth and the tree was still green until she saw it in July. I kid you not.

I'm waiting for the Buxton DIS-organizer - it's more my speed.