Sunday, January 27, 2008

life's been good to me so far

I saw a commercial for Brady Barr's show in which he wears a ridiculous hippo costume to mingle among real hippos.
He also tried it with alligators. (Or crocs. I can never tell them apart.) It's no wonder people get killed when they disturb wild animals.
People like to think animals are stupid, but I'm sure they can smell a human. Whether it's wearing a lame costume or not.

While I'm on the subject of commercials, tax time brings one back to the airwaves that I absolutely detest. It's the H&R Block commercial where the husband tells the wife he's "stuck" while working on their taxes. She says, "Why don't you ask for help? Oh, that's right. You got the box." She passes it to him and says, "Why don't you tell the box you're stuck," and over the sound of him being continuously pussy whipped, we hear him say to the box, "I'm stuck." I dislike companies/ads that make men look like idiots.

I was watching "Husband For Hire" yesterday on the Oxygen channel.
Hey, it beats that murder, kidnapping, incestuous philandering stuff they show on Lifetime. (Barely.)
The cast included Mark Consuelos (Mr. Kelly Ripa), Erik Estrada and Mario Lopez. Sounds like a winner, huh?
The premise of the movie was good, but that's about all. In order to inherit her trust, Lola
must marry before a time limit her late mother has placed on the ceremony passes.
Her fiancé (Lopez) cheated on her with her sister, so she seeks out a replacement fiancé (Consuelos) at the last minute and grooms him for the role of husband.
Erik Estrada plays the asswipe of a father who must decide if the man is good enough for his daughter. He tells Consuelos that Lola shouldn't blame Lopez for cheating since it's always the woman's fault when a man strays. Then he tries to convince Lola to marry Lopez
despite the fact that he cheated on her. Yeah, Dad's a great judge of character.
I wanted to tase Officer Poncherella myself at that point.
In the movie, Mark Consuelos said he felt like he "could do anything." Apparently he wasn't talking about mastering a decent accent.
He didn't seem to know whether he was a Texas cowboy, a Latino, a po', stupid, hick lawnboy who wanted to sing. Every few minutes,
he'd throw in the word "ain't" to remind us that he wasn't rich like the woman he was marrying.
The Soup ran a clip from this movie in which Mario Lopez "dances"--if you want to call it that. He had a bulge in his pants the entire time.
No doubt from him getting off on how hot he thinks he is. At the end of the dance, he says, "I used to be in Menudo."
Joel McHale said, "He would have been better off telling everyone he was a registered sex offender." LOL!


BRUNO said...

What??? YOU don't like commercials that make men look stupid???

Why, if I thought that I could survive livin' in Utah, married to TWO women, and if your HUSBAND wasn't so damned big and jealous---why, I'd spend a $1.99/min, and call you to propose......!!!

*Goddess* said...

I think YOU forgot the most important "if," Bruno..."and if my wife wouldn't kick my ass for suggesting it."

BRUNO said...

As Homer Simpson would say: "D'-OH!"

I just KNEW it was too good to be EASY to do....!!!