Monday, December 10, 2007
in the air there's a feeling of Christmas
There's a song I've been hearing on the radio that I really like. Well, I like the chorus, "Can't help it, the girl can't help it,"
but I had no idea who it was. I was listening to holiday music on slacker.com, then
switched to Today's Hit Radio and they were playing the song. It's "Clumsy" by Fergie. NEVER would have guessed that was her.
I also like that song "The Way I Are" by Timbaland. No wonder we don't speak proper English in this country.
Once again the offspring were clamouring for Chicken Parmesan ala Stacey. I said, "Didn't I make this the last time I was off? What gives with you guys expecting me to cook TWICE in one month? That's BULLSHIT!" So I was in the kitchen and got all my stuff out, preparing to bread the chicken breasts, and I turned the Christmas music on the radio, as loud as my ear drums could stand in an attempt to drown out life and the offspring. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee was on. You won't find a much happier, upbeat Christmas song. I began dipping my breasts in egg and bread crumbs before deciding that it might be better if I put my shirt back on. Once I had my hands coated with bread crumbs, the song on the radio changes to 'THE FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS SHOES". Why, you ask? Because Jesus hates me. And Jesus knew I would be too lazy to wash my hands and change the channel.
The more I listened to the song, the more it grated on my nerves. Let's think about this, the woman is dying and the kid buys her butt uglee shoes because he wants her to look nice when she meets Jesus in Heaven. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we leave our physical body HERE?! So the only one who's going to see those uglee shoes is the undertaker! And he is just going to point and laugh. Money from a perfect stranger wasted. Grrrr. Enough of those stupid shoes! That song is a disgusting scab I can't stop picking.
Mr. G came into the kitchen and I said, "Look, honey. I'm cooking, just like Stacey!"
He said, "Oh. Does she get drunk on Jack Daniels when she's frying with hot grease, too?"
I said, "If she doesn't, she has no idea what she's missing!"
I put the chicken in the oven and went into the living room to mess around on my laptop, but I had no wireless signal. I tried the usual reboot, then the reboot/turn off modem for thirty seconds, then the turn off modem for thirty seconds/unplug modem and rebooting.
(All steps were accompanied by much screaming and swearing.)
Finally I realized that I did have a signal on my desktop but not on my laptop, so I called the monkeys in tech support. They informed me that "something" was interferring with the wireless signal, perhaps--I swear--"an OVEN"?! If this isn't a sign that I should never cook again, I don't know what is.