Monday, December 10, 2007

in the air there's a feeling of Christmas


There's a song I've been hearing on the radio that I really like. Well, I like the chorus, "Can't help it, the girl can't help it,"
but I had no idea who it was. I was listening to holiday music on slacker.com, then
switched to Today's Hit Radio and they were playing the song. It's "Clumsy" by Fergie. NEVER would have guessed that was her.
I also like that song "The Way I Are" by Timbaland. No wonder we don't speak proper English in this country.

Once again the offspring were clamouring for Chicken Parmesan ala Stacey. I said, "Didn't I make this the last time I was off? What gives with you guys expecting me to cook TWICE in one month? That's BULLSHIT!" So I was in the kitchen and got all my stuff out, preparing to bread the chicken breasts, and I turned the Christmas music on the radio, as loud as my ear drums could stand in an attempt to drown out life and the offspring. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee was on. You won't find a much happier, upbeat Christmas song. I began dipping my breasts in egg and bread crumbs before deciding that it might be better if I put my shirt back on. Once I had my hands coated with bread crumbs, the song on the radio changes to 'THE FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS SHOES". Why, you ask? Because Jesus hates me. And Jesus knew I would be too lazy to wash my hands and change the channel.
The more I listened to the song, the more it grated on my nerves. Let's think about this, the woman is dying and the kid buys her butt uglee shoes because he wants her to look nice when she meets Jesus in Heaven. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we leave our physical body HERE?! So the only one who's going to see those uglee shoes is the undertaker! And he is just going to point and laugh. Money from a perfect stranger wasted. Grrrr. Enough of those stupid shoes! That song is a disgusting scab I can't stop picking.
Mr. G came into the kitchen and I said, "Look, honey. I'm cooking, just like Stacey!"
He said, "Oh. Does she get drunk on Jack Daniels when she's frying with hot grease, too?"
I said, "If she doesn't, she has no idea what she's missing!"
I put the chicken in the oven and went into the living room to mess around on my laptop, but I had no wireless signal. I tried the usual reboot, then the reboot/turn off modem for thirty seconds, then the turn off modem for thirty seconds/unplug modem and rebooting.
(All steps were accompanied by much screaming and swearing.)
Finally I realized that I did have a signal on my desktop but not on my laptop, so I called the monkeys in tech support. They informed me that "something" was interferring with the wireless signal, perhaps--I swear--"an OVEN"?! If this isn't a sign that I should never cook again, I don't know what is.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you're using your typical oven or range, it's not even remotely possible. If you are, however, using a microwave the puts out enough frequency, that could interfer with your wireless. In a case like that, you should buy an ethernet cable (a.k.a. RJ45 male network cable) with enough length on it to get from your router to your fave writing spot in the house to connect while you're cooking and then unplug it when the oven or appliance is done to go wireless again.

Stacey

Anonymous said...

Cordless phones are, by the way, the number one interference from within the home because they run on the same frequency. Number two is the microwave when in use.

Stacey

PS: It's never an internet connection issue with your provider if a second computer in the home connects. That means it's something interferring with the wireless or it's the machine. I'm surprised they didn't hang up on you after blaming you for clogging their tech support. :-)

*Goddess* said...

Damn it, Stacey, don't ruin my perfect excuse for never cooking again!!!

It WAS just the electric range. And the phone wasn't in use. Neither was the TV or the microwave. Hmmm.....ghosts, perhaps?

BRUNO said...

Maybe it was from the next-door, if you live that close to someone. Maybe they've discovered a NEW way to "screw" with the neighbors!

Most cell-phones will transmit a "ghost" signal when ON, even if they're NOT IN USE. Generally 10 to 15 feet away is more than far enough for interference-free use.

But I like your "poltergeist" angle better!

Then again, maybe I should just stick to mechanical stuff.....!

BRUNO said...

And BTW, I should agree with STACEY---the Ethernet cable solution WILL do the trick!

*Goddess* said...

Yeah, only one problem with that idea, Bruno. The desktop is in the computer room and I'm sitting near the living room window, which is all the way down the hall and across the living room to the outside wall. Not gonna work.
I find it interesting though that the computer was plugged into the surge protector at the time. I was wondering if something on the same breaker would cause that?

Anonymous said...

If anything else is plugged onto the same circuit as the laptop, that would only effect the power of it, not the internet connection. They are two different animals completely. More than likey, there is someone near you with a cordless phone or someone driving by with something that caused the interference. Were your neighbours home at the time? And, you know, you can always move closer to the router for the short time you need to wire into it, silly. ;-)

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

Oh, I thought you were saying I had to STAY wired to it..which would defeat the whole "wireless" purpose for me;)

~Fathairybastard~ said...

You'll excuse me, but I just gave a final exam to a soldier who came late from the field and thought he was gonna make a D but pulled it out in the end. Almost made a B. Was jumpin' with glee and thankin' me. My nipples are all hard. I love this gig.

Anyway, that wireless stuff is too cool, but seems like a huge pain in the ass. You have to wire the whole house so you can walk around and sit anywhere and scratch your finger on that little bitty pad. Fuck that. Give me a mouse and a big screen and a comfy chair any day.

Still, hope it works out for ya.

Anonymous said...

Oh, FHB, you don't have to run wires anymore. There are great new networking devices now called bridges that plug into your outlets to send the signal from the same outlet you plug your router or cable modem into, up all the wiring in the house, to say the top floor, and at the other end you will install a receiver end that looks like a light switch slider panel, or you can have another bridge plug in upstairs in another outlet to which you can still an RJ45 ethernet cable into and run that a short distance to your pc situated at your desk or chair. Very clean, very easy to install. It's quite neat, but also quite expensive. We sell each piece for $125 Canadian.

But, it really helps get around dead spots in the home network mess, and as one customer did, it can be installed in a poolhouse so you can surf on your laptop by the family pool while ignoring the kiddies swimming happily.

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

Yeah, I just put filters into each phone jack and I have the wireless modem hooked up. Didn't take much more effort than dial up really.