Monday, November 19, 2007

oh deer me

Lin, I answered your question about our heating system in the comment section of the post below, but these are the heaters I was talking about the other day. Anybody familiar with them?

I decided to get another opinion on the Fisher Price Smart Cycle, so I asked Male Offspring #3 what he thought about me buying an exercise bike/arcade game for Male Offspring #7. He said, "Sounds good to me, Mom. Maybe as a reward for getting all the answers right, you can let him clean his room."
I said, "FINE! Why don't I just get the boy a mini fridge for his room? That way he can eat alllll day long and never have to move a muscle!"
Now they all want mini fridges............and doggone it, so do I.
But now that I think about it, isn't that the American dream? A mini fridge in every room?! Or is it a widescreen in every room?

Speaking of the lovely upcoming Christmas holiday, I have to brace myself for an infestation of those stupid animated, white light reindeer people have in their front yards. Big Lots, Dollar General AND Rite Aid all have the damn things on sale.
They have the standing deer, grazing deer, and the jumping deer. And most people have at least two. Hmm, I think I need to borrow my dad's rifle and thin the herd.
Last year I saw an alarming rise in the popularity of the animated "grapevine" standing buck and feeding doe.
I'm sorry to report that this year they have added a penguin with a...sigh....scarf around it's neck. What? No penguin mittens?


BRUNO said...

I like that "real-Amish", home-spun picture! I'll bet if I looked REAL close, those "Amish" would have Chinese-features!!!

I don't know what Lin will say, but as for these things, in MY unauthorized opinion---don't EVEN buy one of those, not even at a fourth of the price. They don't HEAT shit---they just LOOK hot!

Kinda like a discount prostitute---LOOKS hot, but is nothing but hollowed-out quality!(I mean, so I've been TOLD by "others"!)

Appearances can be VERY deceiving, sometimes...!

BRUNO said...


In your own words, dear Goddess: MY ASS!!!

They don't even HEAT! The only heat you'll get out of those is the friction in your ass!!!

There ought to be a law...!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

oooooooo Don't mention heaters! Our heating isn't working! Brrrr.... it's enough to make a small Bear think about hibernating!

The Future Was Yesterday said...

I have to agree with Bruno - 1500 watts is a $50 floor heater put in a beautiful cabinet. Go to Walmart, Kmart, anywhere, and look at the wattages on the cheap heaters.

"But now that I think about it, isn't that the American dream? A mini fridge in every room?! Or is it a widescreen in every room?"
I really don't know if there is an American Dream anymore. Other than things I can't say or the fibbies will be after me, I mean.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Christmas? What's all this talk about Christmas? Oh shit, I need to seriously get my act together here, I've slipped a few months I swear. That's it, I'm off to hide in the shed..

~Fathairybastard~ said...

With all those glowing wooden deer, I'd say you're in for as white trash Christmas. Woopeeee.

And I can't get my mind off the immage of the hollowed out hooker. Thanks Bruno.

BRUNO said...

Hey, anything I can do to he--...wait a minute, NO friggen' way!!!

However, you DO have my "immoral-support"!

Oh, sorry Goddess---I didn't know you were on the phone!

Is that Jeff you're talkin' to???

BRUNO said...

By the way, dear lady: You DO know that "Amish-fireplace" is only an illuminated prop, don't you?

Also, what MARK said about your duct-work, is TRUE. BUT---be damned sure to leave the damper on your cold-air return duct at least HALF open, otherwise the furnace won't be able to "breathe", and it'll go into what they call "high-limit shutdown", and it'll be "frozen-Goddess-ass" on turkey day!!!

If you need any more "no cover charge" lies---er, I mean,---advice, you know my address...!

BBC said...

The Amish make good products, I have been to some of the places they make them when I was trucking. They are honest folks. But a 110 volt heater that puts out X number of BTU's taking X number of watts is still an expensive way to heat.

A 30 dollar heater will put out the same amount of heat as a 500 dollar heater.

I suggest that you get a fan driven King (brand name) 220 volt heater and run a 220 volt line to the room where you want to use it. Use a cord you can plug into the dryer outlet if you have to. It will be a lot better heat, and cheaper.

I'm a handyman and builder, I know about those things.

*Goddess* said...

Bruno, it's my understanding that the "Amish" part is just the wooden mantle that covers this heater. The heater itself is made in China, BUT they're trying to make it seem like it's an Amish product when it isn't. But like Homer Simpson said, "Who know more about electricity than the Amish?"

What do you mean it's just an illuminated prop?

Shit. Good thing you mentioned leaving the cold air thingy at least half open cuz it was my genius idea to maybe shut it completely...ouch!

*Goddess* said...

It wasn't the amount of heat that the heater put out that I was trying to figure out, Billy, I wanted to know how much electricity it will use. I'm guessing my cheapest bet would be kerosene, but I just don't trust them inside anymore.

What makes a 110 volt heater a more expensive way to heat than a 220 volt? Would it be the higher the voltage, the cheaper it is to run? Or how does that work?

BRUNO said...

They sell those at the local farm and home, here---it just gives the illusion of flame-heat. The only possible heat you could get would be from the bulbs inside, which are generally only something like two 40-watt clear "flickers"! Really!!! The display model I saw was mounted in a CARDBOARD back-drop! Anything that is Genuine Amish is ALWAYS "sweet"! I'd buy the mantle, and leave the flame!

220-vs.-110-volt? I've got both, but I prefer to leave the 220-volt in my workshop! But I'll let Billy sort that one out for ya', because he started it...!

Lin said...

Egad, I obviously fell done a rabbit hole and missed all the updates. I am VERY glad that Bruno said to not mess with the cold-air return (I think you said you had one main one in the hall). The returns I've seen usually don't have dampers so I wasn't worried about you doing so. Good thing our boy Bruno thinks on his feet. I only dealt with the supply ducts in that last post - you don't want to close them ALL off either.

It would be nice if someone who had bought one of thee heaters would show up and tell you what they thought of it. It still seems like a lot of pricey amps to be pushing through your meter. My brother might have something similar stuffed in an armoire in their bedroom but their electric rates are pretty low, too. It didn't look like a real fire but it was close enough if you were more interested in the heat it put out.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!