Thursday, October 11, 2007

plenty of sunshine coming my way

Let's start the day off right with a good masturbation story.
Ya just gotta love a guy who can drive and jack off at the same time!

Lynn Cheney on the Daily Show: "We will look back on this period of time, we will say on 9-11, we really thought
we'd be attacked again in six weeks or six months. And we were not. And I think my husband and the President
should get some credit for that." Cut to the audience and *insert the sound of crickets chirping here*
Not ONE person clapped. I rolled my eyes so many times during her interview, I was afraid they'd get stuck.
Jon looked SO uncomfortable interviewing the Vice President's wife. It's like he wanted to nail her, but he was trying to be a gentleman.
He said it best when he said that she wasn't her husband and he shouldn't hold her accountable for (the) Big Dick's decisions.

School picture day is coming up Monday, and I must say, I have no fears about it.
About four years ago, Male Offspring #4 thought he'd be cute and the instant the photographer snapped the pic, he jammed his finger up his nose.
Well, I BOUGHT that picture, had it blown up to a 16' size and slapped it on the living room wall, but I didn't stop there.
I gave his grandparents the 8x10's and made them hang them up.
(Although my mother would take it down the instant we left the house, and replace Male Offspring #4's photo
with a picture of a puppy wearing a Pittsburgh Pirate's baseball hat. Oddly, no one seemed to notice the difference.)
Since the pictures traditionally arrive right before Christmas, I stuck his picture in every card I sent out.
Yes, even the one to our Priest and our mailman. I asked people to say, "How's that whole nose picking thing working out for ya?" when they saw him.
They've been angels for the photographer ever since.

I was reading an article in the paper about colleges cracking down on credit card companies. They accused cc companies of pandering
to the teens who can ill afford high credit bills by offering them free t shirts and free food.
Sadly, I know they could easily lure Mr. G into signing up for a cc using either one of those offers, and he's hardly a teen.

You know how kids hold their pee when they're playing until they're practically limping down
the hall to the bathroom, relieving themselves just seconds before their bladder bursts?
I had to pee this morning and I was working on the computer. You know how time flies when
screaming in all caps on a forum?
Well, all of a sudden, I realized that if I didn't hotfoot it up to the bathroom, I was going to be in trouble.
I raced past the phone and OF COURSE, it rang. It was Mr. G.
I said, "I can't talk now!" and I hung up.
He called back ten minutes later and said, "What's going on?"
Me: "Nothing. I had to pee, and I did. End of story."
Mr. G: "Don't do that to me again! I thought something bad happened."
Me: "Well, it would have it I had taken the time to talk to you..."

Mr. G's mother has been moved to a nice intermediate care home just a minute from
where he works and about two minutes from where she used to live. It's also about five minutes from where his sister lives.
Mission accomplished.
Thank God.
They're not going to take her house, but they are talking all her income, plus about $30 a month.
Hopefully, we'll have enough to pay for taxes and her scripts for awhile. She only has a couple thou in the bank.
The great thing is that she knows some of the women living there since they're from the same community.
I said to Mr. G, "Ok I have dibs on two weeks."
Mr. G: "For what?"
Me: "That's how long it will take her to complain that the "old ladies are getting on her nerves."
Then I asked him the all important question, "Any rich old dudes on life support that she can marry?" He said there was one sleeping in front of the tv, so I'll have to go check him out. See if he's potential (rich) F-I-L material.

My boss has a doctor's appointment today. When she came back, I said, "How was your visit?"
And she said, "It was fine. I had the colored doctor and he was really nice.........even if he was colored."


Hoot Gibson said...

Yep, ya gotta wonder why a class person like Lynn would go on that little piss ant (5' 7") Stewart's not funny show? A show only watched by American hating dumbasses, with IQs of double digits or less?

Anonymous said...

Hoot, I dare say you answered your own question, even if you did pose it with sarcasm.

"...even if he was coloured." A-yup. Eventually people who talk as if colour is a barrier to assholery will die off. Can't come fast enough for me. Sorry. I know she's your boss, but I assume she's old enough to know better and has lived long enough to have coloured friends/aquaintences who long ago changed the way her parents taught her to think. There is no excuse otherwise. JMO.


*Goddess* said...

Stacey, she's in her 80's, and long past the point of dropping that sort of attitude. Reminded me of another lady I worked for who told me she named her black cat...well, you know. Sigh.

*Goddess* said...

Well, Hoot, you have your views and I have mine and apparently, never the twain shall meet.

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Colored eh? Well, don't some folks like to use the term "people of color"? I've often wondered what the difference was. Maybe one insinuates that bein' "colored" is bad or different, and the other insinuates that being "of color" is better somehow, like being white means you lack something. It's all very funny. What stupid things people come up with.

Mushy said...

I have the same problems's only 4 giant steps to the bathroom, but sometimes I'm surprised I made it!

"Colored" Every time my step-dad used to say that I'd ask "What color was he?" He just couldn't break the old habits. I explained that black is actually the absence of color and the white is all colors, but he didn't understand what I was trying to tell him.

You might try that with your boss...she might get it.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

"About four years ago, Male Offspring #4 thought he'd be cute and the instant the photographer snapped the pic, he jammed his finger up his nose."
ROTFL!! Holy Shit! I thought I was vindictive.:)

Hootie Fruitie: Nice blog. You won't care if I add you to my list of folks that love a damn good kiss, will ya?