What goes "clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, crash?" Clunk is the sound a can of crushed tomatoes makes when it hits the side of a trailer, and crash is the sound it makes when you're stupid and have incredibly bad aim. But not to worry, I punished the little juvenile delinquent involved, and I'm pretty sure Male Offspring #6 will think twice before tossing a can of tomatoes through my window again.
I said, "You do realize you're destroying your own home, right?"
Male Offspring #6: "Yeah, but everybody else was doing it, and I didn't want to be left out."
Me: "Yeah, but everybody else hit the siding. If everybody else was jumping off a bridge, would you do it, too?"
Male Offspring #6: "Everybody's jumping off a bridge?! COOL! What bridge? Can I take your camera? Maybe I can get a couple good pics on the way down."
All in all, Halloween went fairly well. I had a few comments about my "treats" consisting of a can of crushed tomatoes and a mini Bible. One high school kid was peeved that I gave them the "gift of reading". I said, "I didn't give you the 'gift of reading'. I gave you the 'gift of annoying others'. Memorize those Bible quotes and you, too, can piss off all your friends by quoting Jesus every chance you get." One chubby kid wanted to know if I was handing out can openers as well as tomatoes because he was running low on "stamina". Uh huh. If you have to eat your treats before you get home, you might have a bit of an addiction problem. And no, I don't buy the "low blood sugar" b.s.
I only had one run-in with the cops this year. They said I tried to run a kid down with my Hoveround. Au contraire. I didn't "try" to run him down. 'Nuff said.
BTW, when it comes to costumes, these kids are getting lazier and lazier every year. Now they're wearing sweatshirts with pics of cartoon characters or rap artists and calling it a "costume".