My mother recently discovered the joys of shopping in bulk. Unfortunately. She dropped off 10 cases of canned crushed tomatoes. I'm like, 'What am I supposed to do with all these tomatoes?!"
She said, "I don't know, but they were such a good deal I couldn't pass them up."
I said, "Yeah, I think ya could have."
Hmm, now I'm thinking mini-Bibles and an 18 oz can of crushed tomatoes for Hallloween. Whadda think? Sounds like a hell of a memorable "treat" to me. And it still beats the old lady who gives out pencils every year.
Top Ten Reasons I’m Glad South Cruelly Canceled My Much Needed Vacation:
1. I won’t have to deal with all the non-English speaking people in Georgia, otherwise known as Southerners.
2. I won’t miss the 24 hour “Leave it to Beave-a-Thon” on TV Land or the myriad of “Britney is spiraling out of control” shows on FOX News. Leave Britney alone! Leave Beaver alone, too!
3. I won’t have to deal with the humiliation of South’s neighbors laughing at me like they did last year when I pointed to their t shirts and asked them if “NASCAR” was a new Indie band. Who knew?!
4. I won’t have to deal with the guilt of killing South’s new cat.
5. I’ll have more time to watch his videos and LMAO at South’s “acting” skills.
6. I’ll have more time to get revenge by posting kitty cat clip art on his manly man site.
7. I’ll have more time to jill off to my Hott Cops pics.
8. I’ll have more time to flirt with the new 83 year old greeter at WalMart. He’s quite the catch! He’s already on oxygen. And he’s got his own motorized Scooter!
9. I’ll have more time to develop a personal relationship with Jesus. Or Satan. Whichever requires the least amount of work on my part.
10. I have more time to work on my bid for that coveted “Mother of the Year” award.
Ok, it’s time for me to give the kid’s their evening snack of animal crackers and whiskey. Later.