Sunday, October 07, 2007

georgia on my mind

My mother recently discovered the joys of shopping in bulk. Unfortunately. She dropped off 10 cases of canned crushed tomatoes. I'm like, 'What am I supposed to do with all these tomatoes?!"
She said, "I don't know, but they were such a good deal I couldn't pass them up."
I said, "Yeah, I think ya could have."
Hmm, now I'm thinking mini-Bibles and an 18 oz can of crushed tomatoes for Hallloween. Whadda think? Sounds like a hell of a memorable "treat" to me. And it still beats the old lady who gives out pencils every year.

Top Ten Reasons I’m Glad South Cruelly Canceled My Much Needed Vacation:

1. I won’t have to deal with all the non-English speaking people in Georgia, otherwise known as Southerners.
2. I won’t miss the 24 hour “Leave it to Beave-a-Thon” on TV Land or the myriad of “Britney is spiraling out of control” shows on FOX News. Leave Britney alone! Leave Beaver alone, too!
3. I won’t have to deal with the humiliation of South’s neighbors laughing at me like they did last year when I pointed to their t shirts and asked them if “NASCAR” was a new Indie band. Who knew?!
4. I won’t have to deal with the guilt of killing South’s new cat.
5. I’ll have more time to watch his videos and LMAO at South’s “acting” skills.
6. I’ll have more time to get revenge by posting kitty cat clip art on his manly man site.
7. I’ll have more time to jill off to my Hott Cops pics.
8. I’ll have more time to flirt with the new 83 year old greeter at WalMart. He’s quite the catch! He’s already on oxygen. And he’s got his own motorized Scooter!
9. I’ll have more time to develop a personal relationship with Jesus. Or Satan. Whichever requires the least amount of work on my part.
10. I have more time to work on my bid for that coveted “Mother of the Year” award.

Ok, it’s time for me to give the kid’s their evening snack of animal crackers and whiskey. Later.

10 comments:

Mushy said...

Speaking of Georgia...we whooped their ass this weekend!

The Future Was Yesterday said...

"Ok, it’s time for me to give the kid’s their evening snack of animal crackers and whiskey. "
No Grass? I fail to see how you ever expect #10 to become a reality, with that kind of poor parenting!

*Goddess* said...

Since my vacation was canceled, CONGRATS, MUSHY, I'm sooo happy Georgia lost!!! ;)

*Goddess* said...

Give me a break, Future. I work hard for my weed. They can get their own!

BBC said...

"Ok, it’s time for me to give the kid’s their evening snack of animal crackers and whiskey."

Yuk, yuk, yuk.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Hope that whiskey is home brewed..

Anonymous said...

You can always use the crushed tomatoes as the base in a nice tomato sauce, say, for chicken parm. I heard a rumour that your husband likes that for dinner. :-)

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

I don't have time to brew my own whiskey, Carol. The marijuana plants require too much care and tending.

*Goddess* said...

Oh, I guess you haven't heard, Stacey. Sad news, I've already reached my "cooking quota" for the year 2007. I don't have to cook again until 1/1/08.

SpongyBones said...

LMAO, I needed a mom like you. The best diet ever!

I like the halloween treats. Think of it. You would make both Jesus and Satan happy at the same time. No need to choose or to focus all your energy on one or the other!