Last night at work I received this urgent call, "MOM! I don't want to upset you, but your solar pumpkin is missing! We went out on the porch to kidna--I mean, make sure it was OK, and it's GONE!"
Me: "No kidding. I brought it to work with me."
Male Offspring #3: "Mom, you're pathetic!"
Me: "Pathetic, indeed. BUT STILL IN POSSESSION OF MY BELOVED PUMPKIN!!! BTW, you "don't want to upset me"? Puhleeze, you clowns LIVE to upset me."
Funniest moment of last night's season premiere of "Men in Trees" was when John Amos began to sing "Close to You" incredibly off key.
I think God did a fantastic job creating our bodies, but I have a teensy weensy suggestion for when we destroy ourselves through stupidity, and He decides to create another race of hopefully, more intelligent folks. You know how a car has one of those "check engine" lights when there's a problem? We need one of those on our foreheads. Here's why: say you go to the health food store and you're dying for something chocolate with NO sugar. Brownies, for instance. The clerk says to you, "I have these brownies and they're sweetened with erythritol," and you immediately say, "WHOA! That stuff's not like Malitol, is it?" And she says, "No, it doesn't have the laxative effect that malitol has." So you buy some and you eat say...oh, I don't know...about TEN of them in one day. Round about 11:30 at night you suddenly realize you have enough gas to light up a small city the size of......TOKYO. IF we had "check engine" lights, we would know long before we gnoshed on that tenth brownie that big trouble was a brewin', and we wouldn't have to spend a miserable night tossing, turning and tooting. My gf thought the "check engine" light was a good idea so that she knows when her period is coming. I don't have to worry about that, my husband lets me know. Course according to him, it's coming just about every week.