Saturday, September 29, 2007

more whine with your msg?

FHB sent these jokes and they were too damn funny not to post...thanks!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman
who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out
my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?
""No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless
woman told me."Will you use it to go shopping instead
of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping,
" the homeless woman said."I need to spend all my time
trying to stay alive.""Will you spend this on a beauty salon
instead of food?" I asked."Are you NUTS!" replied the
homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
""Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me
tonight."The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your
husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting. "I said, "That's okay.
It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after
she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

_____________

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as
her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My
darring, he whispers, "
I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise
you, I give you anyting you want,
I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask... so...
whatchu want?"
he says, trying to sound experienced and w orldly, which he
hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and
eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try
someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a
puzzled tone he asks her...


"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegable? "

7 comments:

H2o said...

LOL :)

Lin said...

Is that right?! He didn't send me that second one! It's an oldie but I always loved that "You wanna Beef wiffa broccrori?" one.

BRUNO said...

Yeah, I see that he hit you, too!

Didn't want a damned thing, just felt like stoppin' by, and reminding you that things could be worse---you could've ended-up marryin' somethin' like ME!!!

(There! NOW you have an excuse for that THIRD nightcap! I'll stick to my cigars!)

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Hahahah! That Chinese one is new to me - FHB is showing favoritism here!

*Goddess* said...

I guess he wuvs me and Bruno:)...LOL!

BRUNO said...

By gawd, from now on I'm REALLY, LITERALLY, watchin' the "back-door"!

Like the black dude in the red wig, on the Wendy's commercial says: "Something just isn't right!"

Oh, how I would LOVE to be able to "EDIT" that spot---the possibilities are endless.....!

*Goddess* said...

I didn't exactly mean he wuvs us in the Biblical sense...LOL!