Friday, August 24, 2007

wipe the shit from your shoes

It annoys me no end when people within the justice system (and I use that term loosely) waste time and money on cases like this, only to make a mockery of the entire thing. "Treated in the same manner as other inmates with a similiar sentence" my ASS.

I was watching some repeats of Reno 911 the other afternoon and in one episode, they had a visitor to the PD called Reading Ron. He was a children's show host in the same vein as Mr. Rogers. He came to the PD to film so the kids could learn about cops. In one segment, Reading Ron was doing a ride a long with Junior and Junior pointed out a prostitute. Reminding Junior that he was filming for a kid's show, Reading Ron said, "Don't say 'prostitute'. If you see a prostitute, say 'bucket'." A few minutes later, Junior said, "Look. There's a bucket going down on a Puerto Rican right there on the n 4corner."

Female Offspring #5 is upset with me because when we went to the fair last week, and saw the 4H exhibits, she decided she wanted to raise a cow. Oh, yeah, I can just see that wandering through the trailer park at 3 a.m. mooing it's head off. As if the llamas weren't enough of a half-assed idea. (And that one was mine.) I explained to her that we would be getting NO cow because 4H stood for: hard work, headaches, hardly any sleep, and hard manual labor. (Besides, I hate milk and strongly discourage the drinking of it.)
I was 4H. I should know all the grueling work that's involved. Course all we did in my 4H class was learn how to give manicures, which was pretty much lost on me since I'm a major nail muncher. It still makes me laugh when I think about "Miss Vicki" teaching us how to dress and match clothing and stuff when other 4H'ers were slopping hog pens.
I don't remember the 4H pledge, but I do remember the Girl Scout pledge. (I never made it to GS, I only achieved Brownie status, but we still had to recite the pledge at every meeting. Oooh,the full fledged GS'ers loved to lord their status over us mere Brownies. BTW, how does one go from being a Brownie to a Girl Scout? Shouldn't it be Brownie, then Croissiant, then Biscuit? Or something in the cookie family? Like Brownie, then Peanut Butter Cookie?)
The GS pledge is: "On my honor, I will try:
To serve God and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law."
Of course, now the word "God" just offends the hell out of everybody. But I think I've lived up to the pledge. Lord knows I love helping others. Well, the people that aren't annoying bastards. And I do love to serve my country. As long as it doesn't involve guns or military service of any kind. I don't really own a flag, but I will wear a red, white and blue halter top if need be.
As a kind of a goofy aside, when I was a Brownie, I was probably about 10 at the time. I mentioned to a boy my age that I was disappointed that I couldn't become a GS (they closed down the program in my area, due to lack of interest). and he said, "That's ok. Guys like to eat Brownies." I remember saying, "Yeah, I like to eat Brownies, too." Could I have BEEN any more naive? It's like I feel off the naive truck and fell headlong into the Lake of Naivete.

2 comments:

Mushy said...

Always loved me some Brownie or Girl Scouts!

Especially when they left that little beanie hat on!

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Aaaawwwww, get the girl a cow. What kind of mother are you? You know she's gonna work up a great grip and learn to squeeze correctly milkin' the thing. Her boyfriends will all thank you. And think of all the steak you can eat when the time comes to double tap the friggin' thing.