Dang. I hate it when Mr. G and I have our "financial goal sessions".
First of all, don't you have
to have money to set financial goals? Secondly, he never "gets" me. He never understands the genius that is my mind.
We'll be buying a new car at the beginning of next year, and Mr. G felt we should sit down and review our finances. (Again, refer to my first point.)
Mr. G: "We're going to have to look into getting a new car. Now, if you're working and I'm working, I think--"
Me: "Umm, hello? In my plan, we don't NEED to be working to get a car."
Mr. G:(Sighing) "Cast your mind back to the time Female Offspring #1 was a baby, and I told you I wanted to put money away regularly for her college fund. What did you say?"
Me: "I said that it was totally not necessary because I was going to win on the $1000 a week for life scratch off lottery ticket."
Mr. G: "And when it came time for college, what happened?"
Me: "She was forced to pay for it herself, but phew! What a break for us, huh? That was better than winning the lottery!"
Mr. G: What about when we were going to buy the Rio? You were convinced you were going to win a car and--"
Me: "Credit me with a little common sense, will you? I never, EVER said we'd WIN a car.
I said we could BUY a new car with the money we're going to win from Publisher's Clearing House
when I sent in my order for Beautify Your Trailer Magazine. Big difference, buddy. And btw, that is NOTHING like my new idea!"
Mr. G: (sighing) "Ok, I'll bite. How are we going to get our new car?"
Me: "I'm going to go on The Price is Right and win the THREE car game. We'll sell the two most
expensive cars and bank that money. Then we'll check out the price of the cheapest car.
If it's more than we paid for the Rio, we'll sell it, too, and buy a less expensive one."
Mr. G: "And if by some slim chance you DON'T get on The Price is Right?"
This in a nutshell sums up his entire problem: he never recognizes a sure thing when he sees it.
Once again it's time for "Stupid Spam Subjects" : "I just started having sex and my bf keeps popping out when we do it."
"My bf's cock is too big."
I think these two chicks need to change bf's.
sarcasm there--sooooo let the money grubbing begin.
Speaking of the offspring, I made them get out their summer reading lists and show me how many books they've read to date. Most of them had at least half of the list completed. Male Offspring # 4 hands me his list and informs me that he's finished.
Me: "You're finished? You've read this entire list?"
MO#4: "Yep. Three times."
Me: "Three times? Pardon my skepticism, but I haven't seen you with a book all summer."
MO #4: "Book? I don't need a book. I got the list right here."
Me, valiantly hiding the urge to scream: "Please tell me you know you have to read the BOOKS on the list and not just the list itself?"
MO #4: "Huh?"
And to think, I almost gave up drinking and smoking when I was carrying this kid...