Thursday, August 16, 2007

she's my man

Dang. I hate it when Mr. G and I have our "financial goal sessions".

First of all, don't you have
to have money to set financial goals? Secondly, he never "gets" me. He never understands the genius that is my mind.
We'll be buying a new car at the beginning of next year, and Mr. G felt we should sit down and review our finances. (Again, refer to my first point.)
Mr. G: "We're going to have to look into getting a new car. Now, if you're working and I'm working, I think--"
Me: "Umm, hello? In my plan, we don't NEED to be working to get a car."
Mr. G:(Sighing) "Cast your mind back to the time Female Offspring #1 was a baby, and I told you I wanted to put money away regularly for her college fund. What did you say?"
Me: "I said that it was totally not necessary because I was going to win on the $1000 a week for life scratch off lottery ticket."
Mr. G: "And when it came time for college, what happened?"
Me: "She was forced to pay for it herself, but phew! What a break for us, huh? That was better than winning the lottery!"
Mr. G: What about when we were going to buy the Rio?
You were convinced you were going to win a car and--"
Me: "Credit me with a little common sense, will you? I never, EVER said we'd WIN a car.
I said we could BUY a new car with the money we're going to win from Publisher's Clearing House
when I sent in my order for Beautify Your Trailer Magazine. Big difference, buddy. And btw, that is NOTHING like my new idea!"
Mr. G: (sighing) "Ok, I'll bite. How are we going to get our new car?"
Me: "I'm going to go on The Price is Right and win the THREE car game. We'll sell the two most
expensive cars and bank that money. Then we'll check out the price of the cheapest car.
If it's more than we paid for the Rio, we'll sell it, too, and buy a less expensive one."
Mr. G: "And if by some slim chance you DON'T get on The Price is Right?"
This in a nutshell sums up his entire problem: he never recognizes a sure thing when he sees it.

Once again it's time for "Stupid Spam Subjects" : "I just started having sex and my bf keeps popping out when we do it."
"My bf's cock is too big."
I think these two chicks need to change bf's.

Apparently a reasonable enough time has elapsed in the deaths of Chris Benoit and his family--heavy on the
sarcasm there--sooooo
let the money grubbing begin.

Speaking of the offspring, I made them get out their summer reading lists and show me how many books they've read to date. Most of them had at least half of the list completed. Male Offspring # 4 hands me his list and informs me that he's finished.
Me: "You're finished? You've read this entire list?"
MO#4: "Yep. Three times."
Me: "Three times? Pardon my skepticism, but I haven't seen you with a book all summer."
MO #4: "Book? I don't need a book. I got the list right here."
Me, valiantly hiding the urge to scream: "Please tell me you know you have to read the BOOKS on the list and not just the list itself?"
MO #4: "Huh?"
And to think, I almost gave up drinking and smoking when I was carrying this kid...


Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Ha! Your hubby is hopeless when it comes to forward planning, just like mine. Would you believe he's spending all of our lotto money on a PENSION PLAN??? Mad, or what? Sigh. Hey, has your cop arrived yet?

SpongyBones said...

You know I bet that's what's wrong with me ... my mom gave up smoking and drinking when she was having me ... lead me down the road of being curious about all the bad things in life. Plus she forced me to read books every summer, which made me hide my porn in the pages of the books, which lead me to growing up and walking every where I went because I didn't have enough smarts to answer game show questions and get rich to buy a car ... my life quest and goal are now known to me ...

*Goddess* said...

Pension plan, Carol??? What is WRONG with him? Doesn't he know he's probably going to inherit millions from a long lost relative?!

*Goddess* said...

Too bad porn doesn't count as summer reading, eh, SB? LOL! Boys would finish their list before school let out;)

*Goddess* said...

And, sadly, no, Carol, my cop has not yet arrived. I hope I remembered to tell Chewy to poke air holes in his big box before sending. I don't want to get any bad surprises from the UPS guy;)