Sunday, August 26, 2007

now that it's raining more than ever know that we'll still have each other

I'm sure you all know that tomorrow is a solemn High Holy Day for me. Yep, first day of school.

I didn't realize until yesterday how sacred a man's grill is. I stopped at C.P.'s house on the way home for a quick burger. He was bitching about how hard it was to clean the grill and I, oh so innocently said, "If you put aluminum foil on that, it would clean up in a snap. Just toss the foil away after each use." Damn. From the male uproar that ensued, you would have thought I suggested we shoot a small child for sport. How was I to know all that caked on grease "adds flavor"? Personally, I think it's more carcinogenic than flavorful, so there!

Thank God Stacey relentlessly badgered me to install Avast virus protection. I clicked on a site the other day and the virus alarm went off, scaring the piss out of me. The alarm went off not once, but three times. I was virtually piss-less at that point, BUT virus free. I love the Avast message that immediately pops up after it tells you what your computer has been exposed to and says, "There's no need to panic." LOL! They know me well. Ok, maybe Stacey didn't relentlessly badger me so much as she suggested I get it. Oh, well. Same diff.

I was reading an article about iPhone bills this morning. One Pittsburgher's phone bill was over THREE HUNDRED PAGES long. They had to deliver the damn thing in a box because it wouldn't fit in the mail. Ahhh, the irony. iPhones are supposed to make things to much simpler. Why aren't these people getting their bills ONLINE? We know they have internet service.

The plastic surgery show with the doctor from Beverly Hills creeps me out no end. On a recent commercial a chick is standing there topless with the doctor and her S.O. looking at her. The S.O. says something like her body is a work of art and the doctor says it's definitely a Massarotti body. That's fucking sick. She's standing there while they discuss her body like it's theirs to do whatever they want with it. Gawd, how I wish they'd come up with an operation to make guy's cocks bigger so women could drag them into the doctor's office like they're nothing more than a piece of meat. If a woman wants to have her breasts enhanced for HERSELF, that's great. But too many of them do it because the man in their life aren't satisfied with what the women have. I just wish women could turn the tables on them and demean them by reducing them to body parts.

Our local paper has a medical column and one person wrote the following: "Answer this letter for me and my fellow seniors. Constipation is a daily topic of conversation...." Sigh. I have soooo much to look forward to. SB, you better not have a shitty comment on this one.

I was also reading about bank tellers in Orlando who are required to bake cookies before the bank opens so they can give their customers freshly baked cookies each day. I have a better idea: screw the cookies and lower your damn fees instead.

Why has it taken so long to come out with colored laptops? I'm lusting after a nice purple or shocking pink one, and I don't even want a new laptop.

I like the song "Umbrella" by Rhianna, but I don't like the way they screw it up by adding all that rap garbage at the beginning.

My boss had the Hour of Power on this morning and Rev. Schuller (Jr.) was interviewing Robin McGraw, wife of Dr. Phil. He started his interview by holding up her book and saying, "I started reading your book last night, and my wife started reading it this morning..." PROCRASTINATORS!! Services start at 7:30 a.m. Nothing like waiting till the last minute.

9 comments:

Jay said...

Re: making a cock bigger...they do it. It's called Phalloplasty and (IIRC) it doesn't always work and can be dangerous.

Oh, and I know someone who has a red Dell laptop. They come in 8 colors (certain models, that is). Unfortunately, it's a matte red, not glossy.

*Goddess* said...

Yeah, I've read about that, but I meant an operation more on par with a boob job, done only because his partner wants him to have a bigger schlong, not for any medical reasons. Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought it was done more for medical issues.

I saw a picture of the Dell laptops, but alas no purple:(

Anonymous said...

The Sony AVIO comes in a nice purple colour.

For those of you who want to download Avast, go to avast.com, click on the tab Programs and click on Downloads. From there, click on the FREE Home Edition. Once downloaded, click Next till the end of the installation process and you're good to go. Avast updates itself four times a day, so if you're truly paranoid, this is the freebie for you. In addition, the program is about 1/4 the size of any of the time five other anti-virus programs you are required to pay for annually, and it only uses up to about five percent of your CPU resources to load when you boot up unlike the top five anti-virus packages you pay for that are so overly bloated that they can take up to 15% of the needed resources just to load and will slow your machines down to a crawl during boot up. You may as well boot up and head to the kitchen to make a whole meal before sitting down in front of your PC just to check email. What a waste!

Stacey

~Fathairybastard~ said...

... as opposed to being reduced to just a wallet? I think women get that operation because they want to be attractive. It's their own mental issue. There's plenty of guys out there with the same inferiority complex who'd run to the doctor if they could get it done. It ain't just women.

*Goddess* said...

Thanks for the info, Stacey. Four times a day, huh? No wonder it seems like that damn blue screen is always popping up.

*Goddess* said...

You're absolutely right, FHB, there are chicks that reduce guys to a wallet. But when all is said and done, you're out some money, you haven't been suckered into having your body altered.
And yeah, a lot of women get it because they want it, and that's great for them. I'm basically referring to the ones with low self esteem who are talked into it by their bf's and think their man is gonna love them more if they do it. He won't, cuz there will be something else he needs "fixed" on her body. A friend of mine let his gf talk him into getting hair plugs. She dumped him soon after because wasn't satisfied with that anyway.

*Goddess* said...

One more thing about anti-virus software---I HATED Norton because it would scan every freaking email going in and every freaking email going OUT. I kept thinking that if it was scanning my computer why did it need to scan every email I sent out?! Drove me nuts. Thank God it was only a 15 day freebie.

Jay said...

I suppose there might be a medical reason to make your cock longer (some sort of disfigurment), I can't think of any to make it fatter (Ie. add girth)

*Goddess* said...

Brrrr. I can't imagine doing either. I'd just tell her to deal widdit;)