Monday, August 06, 2007

hey there deliah what's it like in new york city

I was listening to one of my favorite songs today, Big Girls Don't Cry, by Fergie. As much as I like the song, one line stands out as being stupid. She says, "Like the little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and uno cards." What the HELL kind of school did she go to that they played Uno at recess?! Someone else tried to tell me she was saying "jacks and unicorns," as if THAT made total sense. At least she didn't feel the need to spell out words in this song, though, so I give her credit for that.

I love this story from China. Check out some of those loving slogans. My favorite is "one more baby means one more tomb." I have a couple slogans for them that are a tad more upbeat. How about, "Wow. You could have had a V8!" or "One less kid means more room in the womb," or simply, "Stop procreating, damn it!" I love the fact that it says the slogans are printed on buildings in "rural areas". China must have trailer trash, too. Good thing the Duggars don't live in China. They would have been kicked out of the country about 15 kids ago...

Ooooh, color me orgasmic. I went to the annual library book sale and was able to score ten romance novels for a BUCK. They're $5.50 a book now, and $6.50 for those overly taxed Canadians. And it's a sure bet that any used book sale will have a glut of romance novels. Yes, indeed, there's nothing I love more than a good orgasm. I mean used book sale.

I saw a trailer trash ep of COPS that I love.
Two little kids were in a physical altercation while the one kid's mother watched. When the cops
first approached the mother, she said, "I told my daughter if they hit you, you hit them." "
Cop: "Didn't you try to stop them?"
Trailer Park Terri: "We let them fight it out between themselves. This is a trailer park."
Cop: "It doesn't matter if it's a trailer park. You didn't step in to break it up?"
I think it's at this point that it dawns on Trailer Park Terri that she might be in some sort of trouble
for standing by and letting the kids duke it out, so she changes her tune, and starts saying stuff like, "My
daughter knows better. She knows not to fight. We don't fight, do we?" she asks while lovingly stroking the Muhammed Ali wannabe's head.
Then she continued trying to impress the cops, "We don't use violence to solve things. We try to talk things out, work with people."
She gave it her best shot--no pun intended--but it was too little too late. It was apparent the cops didn't buy it, especially when
the one cop remarked that she was hardly setting a good example when she was fighting with the neighbor's wife.

You know how it bugs me when people in their 80's use their high school picture in their obit? It sucks me in every damn time. I'm like, "OMG! I wonder what happened to this eighteen year old! They were in the prime of their li--eh, crap. He was 83. Well, it was his time." (Notice how I get incredibly philosophical when I realize the person is in their 80's? I won't be feeling so philosophical when I'm in my 70's.) Ok, second thing that bugs me about obit pics is when they put in one of a person smiling widely. Wouldn't a more fitting picture be of the person crying their eyes out? They're dead, for Pete's sake. What do they have to laugh about? It's like they know something I don't, and it bugs me. I'm having Mr. G take a picture of me holding a sign that says, "Awww, shit. I'm dead. Don't laugh. Your time is coming." and I totally intend to cry and look all forlorn. It'll garner me more sympathy points;).

7 comments:

BRUNO said...

Hell-fire, my dear Goddess! What's wrong with death? It's got to be more peaceful than life! Think of all the bad memories, mental & physical pain, taxes, groceries, gas, rent/mortgage that will no longer follow you around!

As for the obit-pics, I prefer them the old-fashioned way---NONE! Of course, therein lies the difference between an obit, and a death announcement. OBITS are out of respect, showing your GOOD deeds! A death announcement is just to let everyone know to "send the bill elsewhere"...!

*Goddess* said...

I love the obits that are novel in length;)

My husband laughed his ass off recently when he read the obit of a former businessman in the same line of work that he was. In his obit, it said he was "loved by all who knew him." My husband said, "WHO are they talking about?! 'All who knew him called' him a 'huge prick'." LOL! It's all a matter of perception.

*Goddess* said...

BTW, I think Mrs. Bruno should put that pic of you with the grenade in your mouth in the paper for your obit.

SpongyBones said...

We played tether ball in school. Took me a few times to figure out the goal wasn't to knock the trailer trash kids head off because he told the teacher that it was me that put the tacks in her chair.

BRUNO said...

You tell hubby that what he said about the former businessman was EXACTLY what I was thinkin' about when I commented!

Yeah---sugar-coat the prick! If ya' don't like him ALIVE, then why the hell should you respect him when he's DEAD, huh???

BRUNO said...

You mean you STILL remember that picture of me, and the grenade???

Shit, I should've had it taken in the NUDE, in that case....!

Mushy said...

Well, I don't like obits at all, but if you're goin' to hav'em then why not use the old school picture...you wouldn't recognize them from a wrinkled shot anyway...so, you say, "Gee the guy or gal I went to school with died. Thank goodness they used his school shot, 'cause I would never have remembered that name!"