Friday, July 06, 2007

you're filthy and i'm gorgeous

Yesterday I thought maybe I had exaggerated in my review of Hey, Paula. Last night when I was working on my laptop, I turned her show on and counted how many times Paula, or someone around her, mentioned how tired/exhausted she was or how she needed to sleep. In the new episode, they mentioned it eight times in thirty minutes. In the show I watched on Wednesday that I based my comments on, they mentioned it NINETEEN TIMES in thirty minutes. So no, I wasn't exaggerating. Another thing I've noticed, every time Paula refutes comments about being high, she is always careful to say, "I've never taken recreational drugs." Recreational drugs aren't always the problem. Ok, enough of her stupidity. On to my stupidity.

We had a great 4th of July, despite the fact that we had to unexpectedly take
<----the grill in for repairs. Ok, the police confiscated it. Turns out my grill was still the property of Piggly Wiggly. To make matters worse, the cop and I got into heated argument when he more than implied that I should have known that.
Oh, puhleeze. How was I to know the big Piggly Wiggly logo didn't mean the Piggly Wiggly Grill Company? But we made do. Did you know that bug zappers make EXCELLENT weiny roasters? Just like in the popular song. "Hot dogs roasting on an open bug zapper..." And we used the blow torch to cook our hamburgers and toast our buns. Yum...except for the ones that caught fire. We didn't have $ for fireworks this year, because gas and food cost so much. Sure the offspring blamed it on my eight cartons of Marlboros a week habit, but I know it's the food and gas that's sucking up all our $!! Instead of the sparklers, Male Offspring #1 set a couple old tires on fire and we gathered 'round watched them burn. Actually, they're still burning. I think they'll be burning on into next Wednesday. Except for the times when the wind kicked up and the excessive smoke burned our eyes and deposited soot on our clothes, the tire fire came in right handy for roasting marshmallows and making S'Mores. Mmmm, mmmm. Good times.

Hotmail has to have THEE WORST spam catchers on the internet--IF they have them at all. This is why I love Gmail so much. It's great at catching spam AND more importantly, you can see the first line of every email in the preview pane. Without opening it, you know immediately whether or not it's spam, and that comes in handy, in lieu of all those "a friend has sent you an e card" viruses that are currently going around. What I don't like is the way it lumps all the emails together. Like if I email a person and they email back and we keep yakking,
every email will be connected to that first one, instead of them all being separate emails. I don't care for that feature. I'd rather get separate emails each time.

SPOCK! It does an internet search good! But did you know it's "invite only"? Awww, that's sad, huh? Almost makes you want to kill yourself. Put down the gun because I have 83 EXTRA invites just begging to be given away!!!!!!! BTW, you don't even have to know me or read my site. Just email me and it's yours. Damn. These things are harder to give away than She-Male porn.


The Enforcer said...

You are seriously my favorite active redneck LOL
Great stories Goddess

Mushy said...

Loved the would actuall work you know!

*Goddess* said...

REDNECK??!! Puhleeze, Frank. I prefer to think of myself as "trailer trash," thank you very much;)

Yeah, I'm sure it WOULD work, Mushy, if ya didn't burn yourself on all that hot iron.

BRUNO said...

Well, if you'd wear some CLOTHES when you BBQ........!!!

*Goddess* said...

Why do ya think we never invite people over when we grill;)

Fathairybastard said...

Mmmm, the pictures that are spinnin' around in my head now. Delish!

BRUNO said...

Yeah, FHB, ain't nothin' purdier than a BBQ'd line of RIBS,AND A NICE RUMP-ROAST!!!